Family Feud I

The Family Feud

Chapter Five

“Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep.” —Denis Waitley

It had been only a couple days since Wendy laid down the law. It had taken the two of the Taylor Men a little while to get their heads around what was happening. Wendy had studied some of Bill's “scenarios” on the porn he took and saved on his computers, and she and Jamie had both agreed that turnabout was fair play. They wanted to see young girls prance around and work up a sweat pumping iron in the nude or jogging in place? Jumping jacks so their boobs bounced all around...they wanted them to bow and kneel.

Well, Bill and Chris would see how it felt.

Jamie for her part in this had been somewhat more than reluctant. This was a hassle and who wants to see their brother and dad's johnson flapping around the house?  She had a busy social life at school of extra-curricular activities, football games etc. She had tolerated the abnormal turn of events, with a bemused expression on her face.

Wendy had worked it out with her daughter, that Jamie’s role in this would be casual, but that she should also have a little 'fun with it'. She could get be playful with them, and at the same time get them to take care of even doing her homework, all her chores, and whatever leg work she wanted done.

Wendy was having a little ‘fun with it’. She was keeping them busy exercising and cleaning up. She would frequently walk in on them doddling and futzing around, and have to yell at them to get them back to work.

She had seen a show on Oprah about ‘positive affirmations’.  Developing a positive mindset is one of the most powerful life strategies there is. Using powerful positive thinking techniques, visualizations and positive affirmations. Thinking you will take responsibility, helps a person to take responsibility. When she had time between her busy work schedule and her own step-aerobics classes she would make them stand up and admit how they were going to be less lazy, take ownership of their mistakes, be better men.

Wendy was so busy with her career and outside activities, she simply couldn’t be home enough to supervise them. She needed Jamie’s help. Her daughter was already very active in school, an honors student who was a cheerleader in the middle of football season.

She had become a seasoned executive in part because she knew how to incentivize people, get them to do what she wanted. That could involve reverse psychology, appealing to their egos, offering them a title, but with her daughter there simply wasn’t a lot she could offer that Jamie needed.

Jamie wasn't so sure she wanted the “brain trust” of the Taylor men working on her homework. Wendy didn’t blame her, besides she was already an over-achieving honor student. She wouldn’t want to slack off, she liked to do extra credit assignments over spring break.

Wendy upped the ante, if she would help keep an eye on Bill and Chris and motivate them,  she would be considered technically a “Parent”. Which meant Jamie could come go as she pleased, got her own credit card, and would basically be treated like an adult.

Wendy felt that was win-win, her daughter wasn't a discipline problem, and soon she'd be away at college. There she'd have the same temptations of drinking and boys and parties, so why not see how she handles it now while she has a support system in place. Jamie was mature, and frankly she needed her for this. It was a two-woman job. Her “partner in crime” so to speak.

Jamie's final condition, was that there were parties for popular kids (football stars, cheerleaders etc) on Friday Nights. Her dad would buy alcohol for these parties, and Chris and him would cart it to whoever house it was, they'd even host one at their own home one night before homecoming.

Wendy had always wondered what kind of parents let their teenagers throw a full on party with alcohol in their house. Images of her stuff broken and drunken high school seniors laying face down on her carpet flashed through her mind. Wendy reluctantly agreed if she could find a way to supervise it. “One party, let’s see how it goes.”

‘How bad could one party be? The kids are going to throw them anyway, and my lazy son and husband can clean up the mess after; win-win’. She told herself  still nervous with the idea of kids with alcohol in her home.

Wendy and Jamie had an agreement, a pact of sorts. They would revisit the Taylor Women's Bill of Rights, and this time, they would make it hurt (for the guys).

The Taylor men on the other hand, having had a taste of life on their own, were not so excited about the changes, to say the least. However, they found themselves facing well-organized women who seemed to have a quick answer for everything and who seemed to be just taking charge. Bill and Chris were not coordinating their approach, they were just reacting. They were two individuals in the same situation. They weren’t sharing ideas or comparing notes. They were just trying their best to keep up with Wendy and Jamie’s demands.

Thursday and Friday went by in a flash. Things seemed to only escalate. Wendy would have to come up with a rule to address some behavior or bad habit, which in turn caused her to come up with yet another rule to address a new bad behavior as a result of her rule. She didn’t like to be reactive, she liked to plan and be organized. She spent time meeting with Jamie or talking on the phone, and the two coordinated, developed a ‘tag team’ approach to dealing with the men.

The first Saturday of the change for the men, set the tone for how things would be moving forward.

It was 7 AM and Wendy woke her husband up. He was naked on the couch. She had not slept with him since he got back. She also had not let him put clothes on in the house since he got back. She had however insisted he keep his ass wiped and take baths regularly, so he didn’t stain their couch with his sweat.

She hated to have to tell him to wipe his ass. That kind of crude language offended her, but she also didn’t want him leaving stains on her couch. Scotch guard or no scotch guard, she was not going to have it on her couch. Bill should simply know better, if he was going to be naked than to leave the toilet with the job half finished.

“You’ve got paperwork to do, before you can leave your thinking chair” she had joked with him. She found making jokes made it easier to accept that she had to take him in hand and organize him.

“Disarm them...keep them without their comforts, lets dangle them just out of their reach” She remembered telling Jamie her strategy.

“Get your sweaty butt off my nice sofa, right now Mister...”  she shook him awake.

“Wendy...can't I just have..” interrupted by a slap to the Bill's bare butt cheek. “Whoa Whoa!” Bill gave a startled reply before remembering he was to call her Ma'am. He didn’t want to hit her back, but the strike to his ass stung. It stung more to his ego than to his butt, but it did sting.

“Let's get in there and make us breakfast” Wendy ignored his groggy attitude.

Chris was already in an Apron when they went into the kitchen. His bare, pink butt peeking out of the back.

Jamie sitting at the table “You like the apron? It keeps in his moobs, and no pubes get in our eggs?” she asked her mom as if she didn't even see her Dad.

“What are Moobs?” her mom asked with a tickled expression.

“Man boobs...they were jiggling too much, put me off my eggs” they both laughed at Chris's embarrassment.

“Why are you standing here, you think this talk is for you?” Wendy turned to her husband, with a sort of stare that seem to warn him to join his son at the kitchen counter preparing breakfast. Bill didn't say a word. He dutifully pretended to work, while he collected his bearings about what actually needed to be done to make the girl’s breakfast.

She threw an apron that said “Kiss the Cook” at her husband and said “Not likely, you’ll get a kiss.” She giggled “but put it on and see if this improves your odds...let's keep your short hairs out of the breakfast...” . Wendy liked to say “Let’s” when she really meant Bill and Chris.

He did as he was told, but he made sure to move a little slowly about tying it in the back. His ass was hanging out, but at least his “junk” was covered. He had agreed to do what his wife told him because she had him over a barrel and things just seemed to escalate from there. His male ego told him that if he just stepped a little slowly at times, that was his way of being defiant to the authority imposed upon him by the girls.

There was a few  a few minutes of quiet awkwardness while the men tried to look busy putting together a breakfast that they were ill practiced to do.  Bill cleared his throat as if to speak, but Wendy interrupted him. “Bill is this the part of the morning like the last two where you ask for your clothes back?”

“Well yes it is Wendy, I mean...it's just not right. My daughter seeing me naked, seeing Chris...its...”

“It's what? Like you seeing her friends naked? No it's not, because as you can see neither of us are masturbating. We aren't playing with ourselves over it.” that silenced Bill's argument. “You see, the reason we took your clothes, is control. We don't need to see your “manhood”, and I use that word loosely...but if we let you keep doing what you were doing in your loose sweat pants and grimy unwashed tank tops, sitting around here, you'd drag asses...you actually work much faster this way. Now unless there will be anything else, chop chop” she said dismissively putting them back to work to finish preparing her eggs.

When they finished serving the women in silence, they waited standing next to them. “Good, boys....Chris you can prepare yourself a half plate and sit down.”

If Wendy looked up, she would have seen the confusion on Bill's face, hadn't he done everything she was asking, why can't he sit down, he wondered? If she pushes him a little bit further, he has just about it had it with this twisted game, it's not going to go on any longer, and if she does then he is....oh shit, she was talking to him and he wasn't listening. What did she say? Think Bill..think...his mind drew a blank.

“That is right, you are calling us both Ma'am around here and NOT Wendy or Jamie, you don't get familiar with your boss, you speak to them with respect, so you will stand right there, until you say it or you don't get to eat breakfast, which will help on your diet anyway....” Wendy stopped to see if he was listening.

“Yes Ma'am” he offered slowly. Half-congratulating himself on catching the last part of her preachy tirade Every morning she had been giving him tips on how to be a more effective husband and communicator, and better listener. It was SOOO boring, when would she just shut up and let him have sex again? Oh dear...oh no. While he'd been thinking to himself, he got a woody.

“BILL!!!” exclaimed Wendy with what may be a little overly dramatic shock.

“It's morning wood, morning wood...it is not anything....no no, it will go down.” He looked down helplessly at his bouncing pecker, standing up straight under the apron.

“Bill, we talked about this..morning wood happens right when you wake up, this is an erection and you got it while you are standing here in front of your daughter.”

“Gross” Jamie laughed at the phrase ‘morning wood’ and ‘in front of your daughter’.

“Do we allow you to walk around with raging hard ons?”

“No”

“No, what?”

“No....uh, oh, jeez Ma'am”

“Go stand in the corner, keep your hands on your butt cheeks where I can see them. I don't want you playing with it....I will check back with you in 10 minutes, if it is still up, you know what happens next?”

“Yes Ma'am” he said turning to one of the kitchen corners, thrusting his chest into the corner, putting his hands behind his back.

“No playing with your butthole either, I am not sure which way you swing..just keep the flat of your hands where we can see them, on those hairy mancheeks.” Wendy had thought she had caught him playing with his butt once, although he may have been scratching. That is what he told her after she confronted him about it.

Jamie giggled a little at her mom’s harsh instruction.

“Oh dear, you can order your dad around too, you know. It’s quite fun...it's good for releasing some tension. You've hardly spoken up, been having fun with your brother's situation?” she turned her attention back to Jamie while talking about Chris as if he was not even in the room.

“Not really mom, it's kind of creepy. It feels a little like something I'd see on Jerry Springer, I mean if anyone at school found out, I even hang out with him, I'd be a social pariah, but if they know I made him march around the living room high stepping, and jog in place, they would never believe it? Imagine if someone tries to write a story about this? The reader would say it's too unlikely, what family would do this?”

“Ha-ha, you seemed to be having fun yesterday, when you put him through an hour of Tae Bo?”

“Oh yeah, I guess it was funny to see him try to follow a cardio workout and dance to booty music in front of the TV...there is that.” Jamie agreed.

“And what about him cleaning your room, isn't he and his father starting to learn which end to hold the mop by now that you've duct taped it to their hands when they need to clean up?”

Jamie smiled “Mom, you are turning into a sadist! I guess that is kind of a funny, but a little surreal.”

Wendy smirked “What exactly is a sadist? I thought it was someone who beats people?”

Jamie gave a knowing smile “I thought it was just someone who barks orders and gets off on other people's suffering for their own amusement.”

Wendy looked a little disappointed. “Oh dear, I am not getting off on this...no not at all, this is tough love for Chris and Bill's rehabilitation. Once they understand the error of their ways, and come to their senses, and demonstrate that they will carry their weight, and act like men, this will all be over and we can go back to normal. “

She thought about her words and continued, “Except instead of two fat slobs, they'll be trimmer, healthier, live a lot longer. They will be taking responsibility for their shortcomings and working to improve them. Hell, no one is perfect not even us!” she laughed at that last part, even though she was serious.

Wendy finished her thought after taking a sip of coffee “but it's alright to have a little fun with this along the way..it shouldn't be all doom and gloom. I mean look at your father's fat butt in the corner, isn't that precious? Let me get the digital camera.