CHAPTER 2 : MEETING AGAIN
Here I was, standing in front of my old friend whom I met again today. Nothing very special, you would say, if it wasn't that I was pulling up my shirt untill just underneath my armpits, my arms folded on shoulder heigth. On top of this I had my pants and briefs on my knees, legs spread as wide as the waistband would allow. With other words I was standing in front of my friend nearly naked, my cock standing up like a flagpole, rock hard. I was standing here like this while my friend was on the phone, not giving any attention to me. I think it was some kind of a businesscall, but I'm not sure about this as I wasn't really listening. No, I was pondering about the situation I was in. How had it come to this? Yeah, I knew the facts,
It was a couple of months after my divorce that I accidently found the facebook Profile of Bart. After we connected up we soon decided to meet each other again. Bart was divorced recently too, also searching a new way in life. We agreed to meet in a pub nearby my home. I was very nervous before our meeting, not sure what to talk about. I surely didn't want to end up talking about our childhood experiments, still being ashamed about this. Would he bring this theme up? I really hoped not. I just wanted to have some fun time with someone else, as lately I hardly went out, getting myself a bit isolated after the divorce. And yes, we had some good time in the pub, talking about life in general, our job, our divorce, the journeys we made in the past, the future, ... Having some fun too, talking about woman in general, making the tipical male comments about them, and about sex, ... Neither him, nor me did mention the happenings from the past. Nut yes, they were on my mind the whole nIght. I was constantly thinking about me standing in front of him, stark naked, and rock hard. While I was thinking about it I even got a hardone. I was hoping Bart didn't notice the bulge in my pants. But nevertheless time past by quickly, and the drinks too ... When the pub closed at 1am i suggested to go to my home, I had some really good brandy I wanted him to taste. Not that I had something special on my mind, as I knew myself only as a hetero, I wasn't really planning, or even thinking about having sex with him. But we both had drunk too much to drive, so maybe it would be better that he stayed at my home for the night. He could stay in the guestroom for the night, no problem. Only 10 minutes later we were sitting in my lounge, tasting some brandy. After praising the brandy Bart suddenly asked me.
Bart: "Do you like me?"
Eric: "How do you mean?"
B: " Well, I ust want to know if you like me?"
E: "I think I don't know you well enough to answer that question honestly, but at least I liked your company tonight."
B: "So you don't want sex with me tonight?"
E: "Pfrrr..." I choked on my brandy, spraying around what I had in my mouth, I was not able to give this an answer immediately.
B: "You're surprised by this question?"
E: "Yes."
B: "Well, I just was thinking so because you must have been rock hard all night, or did you think I didn't notice that bulge in your pants?"
E: "Euhm, ..." Again I didn't have an answer ready, getting stunned by his direct way of confronting me. I was taken over copletely, didn't know how to cope with this and not being able to get in charge again. Bart was gaining vomplete control and was taking me wherever he wanted. I felt really humble in his very confident presence. I felt weak and delivered to his whim.
B: "Isn't it right? Weren’t you rock hard all night?"
E: "Yes." I said meakly.
B: "Tell me, what where you thinking about?"
E: "Do we have to talk about this. I really didn't intend on having sex with you when I asked you to my home. There's I gestroom where you can have youre nights rest."
B: "Yeah, and I think it's my right to know what you were thinking about while you were getting rock hard in my presence. You can be lucky I didn't ask this in the pub allready, so tell me now."
E: "But ..."
B: "NOW!" He yelled at me. Once again I was completely stunned, and not being able to stand up against him I started, hesitantly ...
E: "Well, ... I was thinking about those old days, when I had to stand in front of you and show you my dick ... and ..."
B: "And you were getting aroused by that?"
E: "I don't know ..."
B: "Come on, Yes or No."
E: "Yes."
B: "yes what?"
E: "Yes, I was getting aroused by thinking about how I had to stand in front of you naked." I must have been beaten red by now, tears were welling up in my eyes, feeling totally humiliated and ashamed.
B: "You're hard now again?"
E: "Yes."
B: "Just because you have to talk about this?"
E: "I think so..."
B: "Show me your hardone."
E: "But ..."
B: "But what? You don't dare to? You can think about me all night and getting aroused by it, but you don't dare to take it one little step further?"
E: "..."
B: "Or is it because you shitted your pants again?" I really was perplexed by this. Things really wer not running like I had in mind, I was falling deeper in dismey by the minute now. But I had to stand up against this. I couldn't act like a whimp here and had to stop this whole thing.
E: "Absolutely not!" I tried to say, as convinced as possible.
B: "You're sure?"
E: "Yes."
B: "I'm not convinced, I think I heard some hesitation in your voice."
E: "But ..." I muttered.
B: "Can you prove it?"
E: "I don't see how."
B: "I see only one way and that is by showing me" Once again I was aghast and only was able to mumble something unintelligible.
B: "If you want me to believe you're not shitting your pants anymore you better start asking me very nicely to check you're briefsright now!"
I just stood there for a moment, like a statue. I was perplexed by how things were turning. I couldn't believe I really was standing there in front of my friend and really was thinking about asking him to check my pants on some stains. Could I really degrade myself like that? Why didn't I just ask him to leave right now and end all this? Why was I going along with everything he pushed on me? Ok, I've always been someone who sooner would follow instead of leading other ones, but did ths mean that I had to lower myself like this? Nevertheless I started : "Bart, can you please check my briefs?"
B: "Check them on what?"
E: "Can you plese check if I didn't shit in my pants? Can you check if there aren't any stains in my briefs?"
B: "Stand in front of me."
I saw a grin on his face when I hesitantly went to him. When I was in front of Bart I lifted the hem of my shirt a bit, just enough to uncover the waistband of my pants. If I really was going to do this, I better should round it off quickly.
B: "Lift it higher ... higher ... higher." I was holding my shirt just under my armpits by now.
B: "Ok, now ask me again what you wanted me to do." What? Why did I have to do this? It wasn't yet humiliatiing enough to stand here in front of him to have them checked by him.
E: "Come on, can't you just check them?"
B: "I just want to be sure you really want it."
E: "But ..."
B: "NOW!"
E: "Please, can you check if there aren't stains in my briefs?" I wispered, eyes downcast, totally humbled by now.
B: "I didn't hear you. What did you say?"
E: "Can you please check my briefs?"
B: "Check your briefs on what?"
E: "Please, can you check that I didn't shit into my pants? Can you check if my briefs are clean?" By now my will was totally broken. I had tears running down on my face from humiliation, just being forced to ask not 1, but 5 times to check my pants. There was no denial anymore that I was a whimp, a complete sissy. If it wasn't clear yet from the beginning, then it was clear now that I would do everything bart would ask me. I was completely under his control by now, broken to the ground, totally downgraded.
B: "You really want me to do that?"
E: "Yes."
B: "Ok then. Come closer."
When I was just in front of him he slowly unzipped my pants and lowered them to my knees. Then he grabbed the waistband of my briefs and started to pull them downwards, but in the meantime my dick was rockhard, so the waistband got stuck behind it.
B: "Well, well. It seems you like this."
E: "Not really." I mumbled, totally ashamed about my erection. I felt like betrayed by my body.
At this time barts' mobile phone rang.
B: "Don't move. I'll be right back."
So here I was, standing nearly naked in front of my friend. But why didn't I resist? Why didn't I just get dressed again if I really didn't want this? How did it come I was standing in front of my friend nearly naked and was staying there like this? He didn't force me. And how did it come I was rock hard? Could you expect this from an adult man who was thinking about himself as a heterosexual, independent and autonomic being? Why did a well educated man of 36 let it come this far? Was it his underconscious mind who was driving him to do this, was he longing for this allready his whole life but never could allow this desire to come into his conscious mind? Did he suppress a submissive desire because this didn't fit in his view of life untill now? As a matter of fact he was fantasizing about this allready his whole adult life, wasn't it? But if he fantasized about being submissive allready for this long, why couldn't he just accept this state of mind? Why was he ashamed about being a submissive and bicurious male? These were the questions I was asking about myself.
Or maybe it was the alcohol I drunk during the evening that made me do this? Maybe it was the alcohol who took away my inhibitions and my resistance and made me an easy pray to my friend? But even in that case it was only my true nature coming to the fore, wasn't it? Anyway, I was not that drunk that I couldn't think clearly anymore, I still was capable of making my own decisions, I wasn't totally knocked out and taken advantage of by my friend. So, the only conclusion that I could draw from my thinking was the fact that my true nature was displayed here. I must have been a submissive all my life, but only got the chance and courage to act it out right now. Now I was overtly confronted with my true nature and couldn't denie it any longer. I had to admit that I had submissive feelings, I had to admit that being in a submissive position was turning me on, that I was getting turned on by humiliation and degradation. But did I want to be in this position in front of my old friend?
SMACK!!!!
Suddenly I was torn away from my dreamings ...
Bart : "Hey, I was talking to you!" Bart slapped me in the face, torning me away from my dreamings. I was perplexed, not being able to say something for a few moments. Then I mumbled: "I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming. I didn't hear you."
B: "What were you thinking about?!"
E: "Just the situation. My feelings about it."
B: "Tell me, what are those feeling?"
E: "I'm feeling very humiliated. I'm feeling degraded into some worthless piece of shit who doesn't mean anything to you, just like when we were childs, when I always was the laughing stock of the group, just being tolerated because you all could have some fun with me, but not really meaning something to you all. All these feelings are coming back right now."
B: "What were your feelings towards us in those days?"
E: "I always felt some kind of inferior, I think. I really looked up to you guys, I always tried to be a part of the group, a real part I mean, not just the fifth weel on the wagon. I wanted to be on the same level as you all but every time I was desillusionised in not being able to reach that level, I really started to believe you were better than me, superior to me."
B: "And right now these feelings are coming back?"
E: "Yes."
B: "So, at this moment you start feeling inferior to me again?"
E: "I think so."
B: "You're feeling like an abject child standing in front of his better and superior friend?"
E: "Yes."
B: "And you just went along with these feelings, you never tried to fight them and keep your dignity?"
E: "I tried to fight them but ..."
B: "Come on, let's be honest! If you ever really tried to fight these feelings you would not standing in front of me like this, isn't is?"
E: "But I really tried to fight them back, but I never could gain enough strength to really overcome them."
B: "Then maybe that's because you really ARE inferior and you just know that the place where you're standing now is your right place? What do you think? Or can you come up with another reason why you can't withstand the urge to submit to me?"
E: "Not immediately." I murmured. And yes, maybe he was right about that, if I couldn't withstand that urge maybe this was what I had to di, submit to him. How else could he make me do that? If I really was believing that we were equal, why couldn't I just stand up and tell him that I was not going to do wathever he told me to do? Why couldn't I protest and put this to an end? Why couldn't I do anything to keep my dignity?
B: "I can't neither. For me this was clear allready from the beginning, the way you followed me in every suggestion, your lack of self-esteem, your humble attituden your lack of initiative told me you were a dependant person who needs to be led by a stronger person. For you I'm such a stronger person, you need someone like me. And yes, this was allready clear when we were childs, when you always followed us, just to have te feeling to be someone, to mean something. You need the feeling of being guided by someone else. You only feel safe when you're being led by someone superior to you, not being able to make decisions by your own. Don't you think so?"
E: "I think so", I said hesitantly.
B: "Yes or no?"
E: "Yes ..."
B: "So you need me to led you?"
E: "Yes."
B: "If you really want me to do so, you better start showing me some more respect."
E: "How do you mean?"
B: "Don't you think it's more appropriate for someone inferior like you to address his superiors as sir?"
E: "But ..."
B: "Yes or no?"
E: "Yes."
B: "Yes what?"
E: "Yes, Sir." Holy shit, this was going to fast. I didn't want things to turn this way. I had to stop this!
B: "Good boy. Now we have setteled this you better take your briefs of and show them to me."
E: "But, ... Can't you just check them like this."
B: "Are you really asking me to go down on my knees to check your pants?"
E: "No, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir."
B: "Then now get the hell out of that briefs so that I finally can check them!" He yelled at me.
E: "Yes, Sir." Thus far my protest.
I immediately started to take off my shoes, pants and briefs and soon was holding out my briefs in front of Bart, so he could check them. The longer this night was lasting, the more I was on an emotional roller coaster.
I felt humiliated and degraded. I just felt like some dirtbag, a loser. Just like in my youth, when I was the laughing stock of the group. I was feeling like a child, being mocked at by his superior little friends. Otherwise there was the arousal. I was standing here in front of my friend, nearly naked, and I got tingles in my belly like a teenager being in love for the first time.
On the one hand I was getting angry. Angry at Bart because he treated me like this. Angry at myself because I didn't stand up and stopped this whole situation. On the other hand I just kept doing what Bart told me to do, I didn't give any resistance. Sometimes I was trying to get out of this, but never doing any real effort to escape. I longed for the attention he gave me, in some strange kind of way. There was some kind of desire in me who made me follow him everywhere.
On the one hand I felt completely vulnerable by now, completely left over into the hands of Bart. I didn't know where this was leading. Never could be sure at where Bart would stop, how far he would lead me. I felt completely exposed, mentally and physically. And on the other hand, I was feeling safe because control was taken out of my hands, I didn't need to bother about making decisions. Safe because I didn't need to be concerned about making the wrong choises. Safe because someone else was taking "care" of me.
In this mental state I was holding out my briefs for my friend, so he could judge them. And why? Just because I wanted to proof I didn't shit my pants anymore? Or was it because I was a natural born submissive who longed allready for some long time to be dominated by someone else? Did I denie my true nature untill now and did I just discover my real destiny tonight? Was I really inferior to Bart and was my real fate in life to serve someone like him?
Again I was snapped out of my reflections when Bart slapped me in the face.
B: "What's this?"
E: "My briefs."
B: "You're lauging at me, idiot? I mean this stain here? And"
E: "I don't see any stain, Sir."
B: "Right here, what's this?" There was a very tiny spot in my briefs, you hardly could see it.
E: "I don't know, Sir."
B: "I think it's shit."
E: "No, Sir"
B: "You're going to discuss me? I say this must have to be shit."
E: "No, Sir. I really don't think so."
B: "You mean that these are clean?"
E: "Yes, Sir." At this moment I allready felt that things were going to turn against me, I felt that this wasn't the right answer and that it would clash back right into my face, but I couldn't give any other answer. I didn't want to say I shitted my pants, certainly not because I knew this wasn't true.
B: "Ok, then take this in your mouth, and don't forget to put this spot on your tongue"
E: "But ..." Unless I was sure that it wasn't shit, I thought it was repulsive to do what he asked me, so I tried to resist.
B: "Why not?" I was interrupted immediately.
E: "It's repulsive to do, Sir."
B: "Tell me, what's repulsive about putting a clean cloth of textile in your mouth?"
E: "I don't know, Sir."
B: "So, if these briefs are clean, what is repulsive about putting them in your mouth?"
E: "I don't know, Sir."
B: "Maybe because they are dirty?"
E: "I think so, Sir"
B: "Then you were lying to me when you said your briefs were clean?"
E: "I think so, Sir." At this time I hoped I could have run away immediately, to hide myself anywhere. I felt tiny, didn't dare to look up at my friend, just wanted to crawl under the sofa where he was sitting, so nobody could see me anymore.
B: "And do you think lying to your superiors is respectfull?"
E: "No, Sir."
B: "Ok. Go stand into that corner while I think about the punishment you will receive."
E: "But ..."
B: "NOW!"
Bart really sounded angry now so I didn't protest any further and shuffled to the corner he pointed to me. I was standing there right in front of where he was sitting, my hands crossed at the back of my head, like he instructed to me. This way my t-shirt was raised just high enough to expose my buttocks, exalting my feelings of humiliation. I really was feeling like a little child by now, being punished by his tutor. It seemed to me that I was standing there for about an hour or something, but in reality it were only 5 or ten minutes, possibly. While I was thinking about the happenings of that evening Bart was sipping from his brandy and smoking a sigar, just relaxing a bit on the sofa. I suppose he enjoyed the view of having me there in the corner, allready looking forward to the fun he would have with punishing me. Despite how humiliating it was to me, I still had that raging hardone, throbbing harder and harder as the minutes passed by. I was filled with mixed emotions because of this reaction of my body. Not knowing what was happening to me, why I was reacting in such manner. All these feelings of astonishment, anger, humiliation and dismay were having an exhausting effect on me. This all was getting to much of me and soon I started to collapse. Soon I was sniveling in my corner, tears were running down my cheecks, ... I was completely broken by this time.
