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1Part 10. Balance and Beginning
Meryn didn’t waste any time in arranging a lunch meeting with Scott. She made a reservation for the next day at her favorite restaurant, making sure that she got the back booth, her privacy booth as she called it, away from the ears of other patrons. She had a knot of anxiety in her stomach for the entire morning at work. Scott had to be able to help her. If he didn’t have any ideas, she didn’t know what she was going to do.
When she arrived, he was already sitting in the booth, waiting for her. He immediately got up to greet her, allowing her to kiss him on the cheek, something he would never have had the presumption to initiate, but was touched that she did so. He then waited for her to slide into the booth to seat herself, before he sat down across from her. And waited. Without speaking.
“I want to thank you so much for meeting me today, Scott.” She finally began.
“Even if my Mistress hadn’t allowed it, I daresay I would have found a way to be here.” He replied, smiling. “Although it’s likely that that would have meant a little more Penance for me.” Quite a bit more, she thought bleakly, for such a major act of disobedience. “But it would have been well worth the cost.” he continued. “Fortunately, that wasn’t an issue.”
“I’m glad, and very appreciative.” She agreed. She then tentatively broached the reason for their meeting.
“Do you know why I asked to talk to you today?”
“I know that you had a problem with Jeremy going to see you get your award at the gala rather than to his Board of Education meeting.”
“It was far more than that.” She retorted. “He was supposed to make an important presentation at that meeting. One that meant everything to his future. For everything he had been working so hard on.”
“I heard.” Scott replied. He took a second to collect himself. “You know, Meryn, everything with that turned out very well. His proposal was passed and funded by the Board, and everyone, especially the powers that be, know it was Jeremy’s ideas and work. And people thought it was incredibly generous of him to share the credit with his new assistant by allowing her to present it. He’s become quite the hero to all of the other teachers, who think he’s a fantastic boss to work for, for doing things like that.”
Meryn sat there, dumbfounded.
“No. I didn’t know that.” She said slowly. “When I asked, he just told me that his proposal had been accepted. None of the rest of it.”
“Well, we both know that Jeremy is not one to toot his own horn.” Scott opined. “But I think it’s more than that. I think he’s still too ashamed to bring anything up about that night.”
“But why? I forgave him almost immediately. I even did it that night.”
Scott looked down, and then back up.
“Though it’s always hard, it’s much easier for a slave to accept forgiveness for a mistake that made his Mistress momentarily angry.” He paused. “Disappointment, however, is far more difficult, even impossible at times, for a slave to deal with. It implies a failure that goes to the very core of his reason for being.”
He saw her looking at him in astonishment.
“We slaves do talk, you know. Not in any detail, and never about anything truly private. But we do have to share our unique problems with someone at times. And we certainly wouldn’t and shouldn’t burden our owners with them.” He looked intently at Meryn. “Even when one of them might want to know.”
“I didn’t know.” She said quietly
“While it is our choice, and the only one we are allowed to make, the life of a slave is not an easy one.” Scott smiled wryly. “Although I suspect it’s a lot more so for Jeremy. He has a much more benevolent Mistress.”
She looked distressed.
“Scott. I’m so sorry.”
He laughed. “Oh, Meryn, don’t be. I wouldn’t have my life be any other way. And even though my Mistress still prefers to have me be her toady most of the time, that’s her favorite term for me now,” Meryn couldn’t suppress a small smile, “she has taken to kissing her frog to make him a prince more often now. To enjoy those aspects of him as well.”
Her smile now became broader.
“It’s a matter of balance, Meryn.” He continued more seriously. “My Mistress and I are finding it for ourselves. As hard as I find it to believe, I don’t know if you and Jeremy have.”
“But I treat him like a slave much of the time.” She protested.
“That may be part of the problem. You treat him LIKE a slave. It may be that he needs to know that he really IS a slave.”
“But he does everything. He does all the housework. He pampers me in every way imaginable, and caters to my every whim. And he sees in the most fantastic ways to all my ... ah ... other needs.”
“Those are all things he wants and loves to do. For you. They don’t make him a slave so much as a ... a ... “ He grinned. “... as a lovemuffin.”
Meryn couldn’t help but return his grin. It quickly faded.
“What do I have to do then?”
Scott took so long to answer, she began to worry that he might not. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Finally ...
“Impose your will.”
He let that linger. Then repeated.
“Impose your will, Meryn. Knowing you both, I suspect that when you and Jeremy disagree on anything, you both go out of your way to compromise. But I’m not sure that at this point that’s the best approach with him. I don’t mean common, everyday types of things. I mean something important. You need to impose your will on him on something you know he doesn’t want, but you do.”
He paused, and then added softly.
“Not something that might break him.” He shuddered slightly, and she knew only too well to what he was referring. He continued. “But something he definitely doesn’t want to do. By imposing your will, without regard to his concerns, his desires, you let him know he really IS owned. He really IS yours. And then he may really BE yours. In every way that you want.”
Meryn took some time to digest all this.
“What kind of thing do you think might work?” She finally asked.
Scott shook his head.
“I don’t know. I really don’t. For all that Jeremy and I share a similar orientation, underneath we have very different desires and needs. I just don’t know what he would respond to.”
He looked down at his hands, placed in front of him on the table.
“Meryn, I don’t even know if I’m on the right track here. Problems in vanilla relationships are hard enough, even though there are lots of people that can be turned to for advice and support. In our world, the issues can be a lot more complicated and complex, and there are so few people with the knowledge, the experience ... people you can trust ... Meryn, I may be leading you down the wrong path.”
Meryn stared intently at him, seeing the look of doubt and concern on his face.
“No.” She responded slowly. “I don’t think so.”
She reached forward across the table, and placed her hand on top of one of his.
“Scott, I want you to know that, other than Jeremy, there is no one that I trust more than you. I am so very grateful, and extremely lucky, that you ARE my friend.”
Scott didn’t answer, for the lump in his throat.
Meryn withdrew her hand.
“Impose my will.” She mused. She looked him full in the face. Then smiled majestically.
“You know, Scott. I believe I will.”
Scott nodded, returned her smile, and bowed his head.
In the days following her conversation with Scott, Meryn found that it was far easier to make her resolution, than it was to come up with an idea to implement it. She and Jeremy didn’t disagree on many things, and on those in which they did, it was usually very easy for either of them to compromise or acquiesce. There just wasn’t anything that she could think of that she would really want, that Jeremy wouldn’t want to give or do for her.
But she had to come up with something soon. He was withdrawing more and more into a shell, and although his work efforts, both outside and in the home, never suffered, she no longer saw a joy in it for him. He started making denigrating comments about himself that she found upsetting and unsettling. The worst came one night during his devotional, a ritual always sacrosanct to him, when he told her, only half facetiously, that she ought to go on to the web and trade him in, and her now useless prick, for a good vibrator. She had mildly rebuked him, which she immediately regretted when she saw the pain in his face, and the raw emotion that had brought on that comment.
Ironically, it was that comment that put a seed of an idea in her mind that started to grow. In the early days of their marriage, as part of a night of frivolity, they had gone onto the web to a BDSM catalog site to investigate some sex toys. They had actually bought some, and used them from time to time. But there was one item that they had come upon that night that had intrigued, and even strangely excited her. But when Jeremy looked at it, he had immediately said “Oh God no”. Seeing the distaste in his face, she had quickly moved on, and forgotten it.
In reality, she hadn’t completely forgotten it. Every now and then, the image would pop into her thoughts and her pulse would quicken. She had never acted upon it. Her remembrance of Jeremy’s distaste, even revulsion, was enough for her to drive it out of her mind.
Now, though, she brought in back to the forefront. She went back to the website. Could this be the item she needed to impose her will? It was clearly something Jeremy wouldn’t like, and would try to oppose, but which she, for reasons she couldn’t explain, was drawn to. She didn’t think it would be something that would break him. But would it be too much? Would it be enough? She wrestled with indecision and doubt. But she had to do something. And soon. She geared up her resolve ... then clicked, and purchased.
Once her package arrived in the mail, Meryn hid it away safely. It would not serve any purpose for it to be seen before the proper moment. Now she had to plan the how, and when of that moment.
As if by Providence, their second wedding anniversary was to occur later that week on Saturday. The first year of their marriage had been idyllic, as had much of the second. But over the last number of months, the difficulties managing their special relationship had progressively deteriorated to the point where they were now causing serious strain. Meryn knew that they hadn’t, and wouldn’t affect their love, but they were markedly affecting their happiness. It was as if Fortune had deemed that she should implement her plan on their anniversary, as if to mark a new beginning.
She put the first part of her plan in play that night during her foot massage.
“Jeremy, in case you’ve forgotten,” which she knew he never would, “this Saturday is our anniversary.”
He stopped his kneading and looked up at her, replying forlornly.
“I didn’t think it would be anything you would want to celebrate this year, now that it appears that I really have become nothing more than your eunuch.”
“Don’t say that.” She cried. “Don’t ever say that. You’re my husband. You will always be my husband. In every way that will always be important to me.”
She continued.
“And I do want to celebrate. And we will. And I’m going to tell you how.”
She had his full attention.
“We’re going to stay home, and you’re going to make us the best dinner that you’ve ever made, with champagne and all the works.”
She paused.
“And then I’ve got something very special planned for both of us.”
Jeremy felt as if he had a knife sticking in his stomach.
“Meryn.” He began. “Do you really think that’s such a good idea. I mean the dinner’s fine. I’ll do my best for that. But after ... I mean ... you know I’m ... ah ... unable.” He hung his head.
“Oh you WILL be able, believe me. This is going to be a new beginning for us.”
He looked back up at her, and she stared straight into his eyes.
“And you will provide the enjoyment. Make no mistake about that. Do I make myself clear?”
He nodded. There was no more to be said. She had spoken. In a way she had rarely, if ever, done so before. His continuing doubts and fears had to bow to obedience. Saturday, their anniversary, would be celebrated as she decreed.
For the rest of the week, they were both on pins and needles, Jeremy fearing his anticipated failure, and Meryn worrying herself almost sick wondering if she was barking up the wrong tree. What if imposing her will in this way served only to drive him further into despair. She realized that their marriage was at a crossroads. Though they had not voiced the words at their wedding, she knew she would always hold to the “For Better. For Worse” of the traditional vow. This had to work on Saturday. But if it didn’t, she would try something else. And something else again. And again and again if necessary. This was her man, and she meant to keep him. Under any and all circumstances.
For better. For worse. For ever.
By Saturday morning, Jeremy was resigned and resolved to try to make the day as special as his Wife and Mistress so much desired. He would do his utmost and pray that his efforts would not, in the end, be as doomed to failure as he feared. He spent the morning meticulously cleaning the house, and then the entire afternoon preparing the feast his Mistress had ordered. Meryn had gone out early, saying she had a few more items she needed to pick up for the evening. She also wanted to be out of the house during the day so her nerves wouldn’t be so apparent. She returned early in the evening.
Jeremy greeted her at the door with a kiss that she melted into. Placing her packages to the side, he led her to her favorite easy chair, opened and poured her her first glass of champagne for the evening, and then fell to his knees to begin her foot massage. For the next hour, as he worked, they joked and reminisced about the many wonderful times and things they had shared in their three years together. It helped greatly to calm and comfort both of them despite the cloud that still hung.
It was then time for their feast. The dining room was candle lit, and the table settings were with their fine china, used only for special occasions. Jeremy began by serving a black and red caviar crustini, followed by an appetizer of thinly sliced, sesame crusted rare tuna with a soy wasabi dressing. The soup that came after was Cioppino , a Portuguese fish specialty. Finally, the main course was two huge Maine lobsters, perfectly prepared, with tails and claws cracked open to provide easy access to the meat within, to be dipped into the drawn butter garnished with rosemary and thyme. As if there was room for more, the dessert, of course, was Meryn’s favorite, Jeremy’s own strawberry rhubarb tart, which she couldn’t help but finish.
As Jeremy cleaned up, Meryn sat in the living room, sated and sipping her third glass of champagne. Their celebration had been wonderful thus far. But now she had to refocus her resolve to proceed on with her special plans for the evening. There was no doubt that she and Jeremy deeply loved each other. She had to find the way for them to better live together. She didn’t know if her actions tonight would lead to an answer. But there would eventually be an answer. That, more than anything, was her will that would be imposed.
Lost in thought, she didn’t hear Jeremy come up behind her until he gently kissed the back of her neck. He then walked around to the front of her chair, knelt down in front of her, and offered her a small, gift wrapped box. Her breath caught in her throat as she opened it, and took out a heart shaped ruby pendant bordered by small diamonds.
“Jeremy. It’s beautiful.” She whispered.
“Not as beautiful as the one who will be wearing it.” He answered as he rose to fasten it on its chain around her neck, fitting perfectly at the base of her throat.
The time had to be now, or she would lose all ability to act. Steeling herself, she ventured forth.
“My Love.” She started softly. “I can never thank you enough. For this. And for everything you’ve done, and have meant to me from the beginning.”
Her voice hardened.
“But now, I have something very special planned for us. To mark a new beginning. From this point on tonight, you will do everything exactly as I tell you.”
“Always.” He replied.
“Indeed you will.”
She looked directly into his eyes.
“I want you to go now and shower, and thoroughly clean yourself. When that is done, I want you to shave off every bit of hair from your body, except that on the top of your head.”
His eyes widened.
“But Meryn.” He started to protest.
“Is that the way you define ‘Always’ slave?” She interjected sharply.
“No.” He responded meekly.
“Good.”
A pause. Then a continuation.
“After you’ve prepared your body like a newborn babe for our new beginning, you are to go into the bedroom, light all the candles, turn off the light, and then kneel upright and naked in the middle of the room, with your hands on top of your head. And wait for me.”
Jeremy could only stare at her, paralyzed into inaction.
“Did I make myself clear?” She asked pointedly.
He nodded.
“Then go!”
He went.
As he showered and washed, Jeremy could only ponder what all Meryn had in store for him this night. What he had heard thus far, he might not like, but he knew that he would do anything possible to not disappoint her. He knew despondently that it was what he could not do, that would again be the ultimate disappointment. For her. And in him. All he could do, and would, was to try to please her to the best of his ability until that point.
Toweling off after his shower, he began the next stage of his ordered preparation. He did not have much hair on his chest, arms or legs, but what was there, he quickly removed. Next came his underarms, and this proved slightly more problematic, but soon both were smooth and hairless. Finally, he came to his groin. Carefully, with scissors, he cut down to stubble his entire pubic area. Then, copiously lathered with shaving cream, he slowly shaved off the rest. Despite the sense of excitement and the thrill of submission he felt while doing so, he looked down in self disgust as his organ remained resolutely flaccid throughout.
This task finished, he entered the bedroom, lit the four candles, and turned off the light. He went to the center of the room, placed his hands on top of his head, and knelt down. And began his wait.
After ten minutes his arms began to ache. After twenty his knees, much more used to this position, began to protest as well. After thirty he had to furiously fight the urge to get up, shake his arms, and move around. He steadfastly refused to do so. He would not fail her in something as simple as this.
Finally, after forty minutes the bedroom door slowly opened, and Meryn entered. In the flickering candlelight Jeremy saw that she continued to wear her ruby and diamond pendant. Below that, she wore only a black bra, black stockings held up by a garter belt, and black high heels. What completely captured his full attention, however, and made his heart hammer, was the item strapped around her waist and groin. Jutting forward ominously.
A eight inch black dildo.
Finding his voice after several long moments of horror, as Meryn stood there in silence, Jeremy hoarsely forced out.
“Meryn ... No.”
“Quiet, slave.” came the strong rebuke. “I don’t want to hear another word from you.”
She slowly and sleekly strode over and then around him, inspecting her property, as he remained completely still under her gaze. She stopped in front of him, the black phallus inches from his face, as she looked down on him.
“You are going to give me great pleasure tonight, Jeremy.” She began in a low, husky voice. “And in a way that I have wanted for a very long time. Who knows,” she continued, “you may even enjoy it yourself.”
She paused.
“But you WILL please me. As you’ve pledged your life to do. Whether you like it or not.”
Except for a slight tremble, Jeremy remained very still. Meryn then spoke again.
“I want you draped over the side of the bed. With your legs spread as wide as you can. NOW!”
With every fiber of his being, Jeremy wanted to refuse. But there was no mistaking the tone of command in her voice. And he knew in his heart, he could never disappoint her again. Slowly, with great trepidation, he crawled over to the bed, climbed halfway up the side, bending over it at the waist, spreading his legs, and positioning his ass, up and inviting ... For her use.
Meryn walked over behind him, and kicked off her heels. This was going to require balance and leverage. She applied a liberal amount of lubricant to her dildo from the tube she was holding. As she began to apply even more to the area between his buttocks cheeks, he flinched violently. She realized how terrified he was of his coming violation. But there was no turning back.
“I suspect this is going to hurt some, Jeremy. You are a virgin at this after all.” She began. “I will try to go slowly, and it will be easier for you if you try to relax. But I AM going to take you. And you ARE going to take it. All.”
With that she directed the tip of the phallus to the center of his behind, and began to push. As the tip entered, he made no sound, but she saw him firmly grip the covers on top of the bed. She continued to press forward slowly, and his grip became tighter, and he began to rub his face into the bed. As she reached halfway, a low pitched groan escaped from his throat, and she began to experience a very strange and exotic sensation.
She continued to inch forward, and his low groan became a grunting through gritted teeth, as she felt a tightness and vibration in her own groin. With two inches to go, Jeremy’s breathing became ragged, and he began softly beating his forehead into the bed as Meryn began to rock back and forth as well as push. She was beyond caring. Abandoning caution, she drove forward with one final surge to totally bury the device deep within him. As it filled him completely, his neck and shoulders arched back, and a continuous, guttural growl issued forth from his clenched mouth.
“You’re mine, Jeremy. You’re totally MINE” She exulted. “FOREVER”
Fully impaled, Jeremy had never felt ... So Possessed ... So Owned. And, as Meryn withdrew, and bid him stand up, to his utter amazement as he looked down, he had never been ... So Aroused.
“My, my.” She cooed, smiling appraisingly, her eyes twinkling, as she observed it as well. “It certainly looks like you enjoyed that a lot more than you let on”
As he stood there, rock hard and swaying, Jeremy wondered frantically if his Mistress was going to grant him relief. He had never felt this in need. He was like a rutting animal. Worse, a rutting slave. Should he ask? Should he beg? And, if refused, would he ever bring himself to take? His shudders at the negation of that thought, that he would even entertain it, joined the pulsing in his groin that was driving him to a frenzy.
Meryn broke through his delirium.
“I took you and totally used you tonight, Jeremy. For my pleasure. And I want you to know that I will take you and use you again. Any time, any way, any where that I want.” She paused, and then continued forcefully. “BECAUSE YOU’RE MINE. AND ALWAYS WILL BE.”
She unstrapped and took off the dildo to reveal nothing on underneath.
“But I need you to know, My Love,” she continued much more softly, “that what I take, I will always give to you to take back. Because THAT also pleases me. ” Her eyes misted, and she added, barely above a whisper. “Because I’m yours. And always will be.”
With that, she walked past him, handing him a tube, bent over the side of the bed, and positioned herself exactly as he had been.
Jeremy stared at her in disbelief.
“Meryn ... No.” He stuttered. “It will hurt you too much.”
“This is the only way you will have me tonight, Jeremy.” She answered. “It’s your choice. But I really need you to take me ... Please.”
His need was also too great to be denied.
He looked at the lubricant in his hand, but decided he had a much better one to use first. He knelt down behind her, cupped her cheeks in his hands, and gently pulled them apart to reveal her glorious nether orifice. He had worshiped with his tongue at the alter of her anus many times before, but this time with a new purpose. He drove his face and tongue forward, darting it in and about her opening. He could taste as well as smell the musk of her arousal as her hips began to sway with the rhythm of his lapping. It wasn’t long before she could stand no more.
“Take me Jeremy! Take me now!” She pleaded.
He rose and rapidly rubbed the lubricant onto his purple and ramrod stiff manhood. He applied some between her cheeks as well, and then guided the head of his shaft to her hole. She was ever so tight, but he was far too hard to be denied. As he invaded her vault she gave an involuntary gasp. He pressed his onslaught urgently, and she began to whimper. He didn’t know if it was in pain or pleasure. As he drove forward forcibly against the vicelike grip of her sphincter, her whimpers became cries, more clearly now of pain.
He immediately started to pull out.
“NO.” Meryn cried in a strained voice. “Don’t stop ... I want it ... I want you, Jeremy ... I want it ALL.”
That desire made eminently clear, Jeremy lost all restraint. With a snarl of almost savage satisfaction, he thrust forward with all his might, filling her fully, and eliciting even louder cries of pain/pleasure.
These cries merged with his cry of triumph as he surged inward, and poured forth his essence into her in ever increasing spasms, that felt like fire to them both, but produced for both the most exquisite ecstacy. Their cries became screams as he continued to thrust back and forth, on and on, until they became hoarse, and finally, gloriously, spent. They collapsed, exhausted, into each other’s arms on top of the bed.
Gripping him tightly, Meryn buried her face into Jeremy’s chest with quiet sobs of pure joy. She murmured his name, and her love for him over and over, as he gently stroked her hair. Slowly, contentedly, her hold loosened, and she drifted peacefully into a blissful sleep.
Jeremy gazed adoringly at her face, so serene in slumber. Her beauty, as it so often did, took his breath away. But her real beauty, the part that had touched ... no ... that had captured his very soul, lay within. He knew now, as he never had quite before, that they were true soulmates.
And the key part of that word, he now realized, was mate. Meryn had taken him tonight, and would take and use him again. In any and all ways that she desired. But she had given herself back to be taken by him as well, and promised him that this would always be so. She would always be his Mistress, and he her slave. But he now understood that she needed so much more from him. She needed more than his worship, service, love, and devotion. She needed his protection. She needed him to share in the burden of her leadership. And, at times, to lift it from her completely. To allow her to rest. To have time to be vulnerable, secure and confident in his care.
He would bear this burden happily as long as she needed, but he would always yield the power back. That would always be hers to wield as she saw fit. But he would become the leader that she wanted, so that she could be proud of him. Always in the outside world. And whenever she needed it from him in private. This would make his ultimate gift of his complete submission to her so much more valuable and worthy of her. He would strive to be the best of whatever she wanted and needed him to be: Husband, Lover, Partner. Best Friend and Protector. But he knew that underlying it all, the very foundation, as she had shown him this night:
He would always BE her slave.
As he held her in his arms, he continued to gaze at her. Enraptured. On this night of their new beginning, he silently vowed to her to be all of this and more.
For as long as he drew breath.
For Her.
His Goddess.
His Woman.
His Eternal Beloved.
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