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Riding the Roller Coaster
Cathy reached for the toast as it popped up. She began to butter it, more for something to do than anything else. Anna was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her cup of coffee.
"You seem preoccupied this morning. Want to talk about it?" Anna could tell by the elaborate amount of detail work Cathy was putting into making a slice of toast that something wasn't quite right.
Cathy put the last slice on the plate and brought it over to the table. She sat down across from Anna and took hold of her coffee cup in both hands. "Last night, Mark and I went to this little isolated cove. A pod of whales swam by and came in close to shore."
"Neat! You're lucky. We've tried to see them twice. The first time they swam on by, and the second time they were leaving just as we got there. I only got to watch them for a few minutes."
Cathy nodded, "I know. Mark found someone on a fishing boat who called him as soon as there was a sighting. We got to see them come into the little bay and stay for at least half an hour. It was so beautiful, with the moonlight on the water."
"So what's the problem? Sounds like a night to remember." Anna took a slice of toast from the plate and began nibbling on it.
"It's not exactly a problem. What's got me rattled is afterward. We were sitting on the bench, just talking, when Mark became, umm, I guess you might say aggressively dominant. It was very sudden. I can't quite remember everything that happened after that but I wound up bent over the car without any clothes on."
"Sounds like fun to me, a nice way to finish the evening." Anna smiled and winked.
"I'm not complaining, at least I don't think I am. More like I'm overwhelmed. I remember being scared, but not frightened. Does that make sense?"
"Oh, sure. Ever ride a roller coaster? You know it's actually safe and you aren't really going to get hurt, but when you drop down that steep incline or barely make the sharp corner it's still exciting. Being controlled is like that for me. I know John isn't ever going to hurt me so when he becomes aggressive, as you call it, there's the thrill of the unknown but no terror of being maimed or killed. I can't stop him any more than I can stop the roller coaster in the middle of the ride.
"And I don't really want to stop him, even if I could. There have been some scrapes and bruises but he never means to intentionally hurt me. Don't worry too much if some of the details are fuzzy. There have been times John's overwhelmed me too. Dominant men, they seem to have this ability to take away our ability to think at a conscious level. I'm sure that's what happened to you."
Cathy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that sounds right to me. I remember he was talking to me, then it sort of blurs for a while, then I'm at the car and my skirt is on the ground." She shrugged. "I'm okay, just feeling a little confused. What are you going to do today?" She decided to change the subject.
"I'm going to look for some walking shoes. I need to get more exercise, so I thought I might start walking around the neighborhood in the morning, after John leaves for work. Say, why don't you join me? It's less work if there's someone for company." Anna picked up her coffee.
"That sounds like a good idea. I need to get out too. I'll ask Mark for permission." Cathy stopped. Where had that last line come from? She had spoken it without even thinking.
Ana noticed her abrupt stop and puzzled frown. "What is it? You think Mark might say no?" No need for either woman to ask or explain the need to obtain their man's approval. They both wore a collar around their necks.
"I think he'll approve. That's not it. That last part, it just popped out. I said it without even realizing what it meant. Anna, he's inside my head. I literally can't do it without asking him first.
"I thought all this," Cathy touched her collar, "was about him controlling me by restricting what I'm allowed, or doing things he liked. Up to this morning that's how I looked at it inside my mind, sort of negative. But just now? It changed. I need him to tell me I can , even more than I can't . I don't want to go walking with you unless he says it's a good idea." She tapped he head with a finger. "He's in here, like a voice whispering in my ear reminding me what it is I'm supposed to be doing all the time."
Anna held up her hands to stop Cathy. "It's a natural progression. I have my little voice too, nagging me day and night. We all do. John and Mark, they do something to put it in our heads when we are at our most susceptible. I can't tell you how they do it; maybe we actually make it happen ourselves. Don't ever ignore it though! If you do then you've done something wrong. He'll find out too, because you'll have to tell him. Your mental watchdog will keep barking at you until you confess all. You wanted him to control you? Well, you got your wish."
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