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Chapter 3: The Game of Truth
We set up the tent and lit our lantern. The tent was a big, two-room affair with enough space for about six or eight people. I wondered about the two rooms. I wasn't sure it was appropriate to be alone with Reba, as if we were an official couple. Sue answered the unspoken question by suggesting we all share one room and stow our gear in the other. Then we made a delicious, simple meal of burgers and beans. We opened a gallon of Almaden Chablis, chilled in the lake, and smoked some homegrown Upstate New York grass, delicious and relaxing as always. Then Sue, the instigator, said "let's play Truth. Let's all take turns talking about the sexiest thing we can think of."
There were some uncomfortable protests, but Sue was insistent. She said "c'mon, we'll blow out the lights. It will be easier in the dark."
Reluctantly we agreed and the lanterns were snuffed.
Sue said she would start. She talked about making love to a man and a woman simultaneously. We all let that sink in. The possibility was obvious. Dear friends about to become more? Jack followed by talking about doing it with two women. Clearly the conversation was taking an interesting course, and I wondered what Reba would have to say. She surprised me by saying "I guess I've had the same fantasy as Sue." Everyone was silent in the dark. I was thinking "they could actually do this. But what about me?" Sue asked the same thing.
"What about you, Teddy?"
You probably realize by now that I'm somewhat shy sexually with off-center interests, and I'm embarrassed about revealing myself, body or soul. I'm very liberal in my fantasies and somewhat inhibited in action. Sue knows this about me and has suggested it was one of the factors in the breakup of my marriage.
I was reluctant to speak, but also reluctant to sound too prudish or unimaginative in the presence of Reba, who seemed pretty open to interesting things. I considered my options until Jack spoke: "C'mon, T-boy, you're among friends."
Reba chimed in too: "Yeah, tell us your secret desires. It's only fair."
I mustered my courage and decided to fall back on one of my simple rules:
'When in doubt...tell the truth'.
"I've always wanted... to spend a big block of time... tied up stark naked under the control of friends who will 'put me through my paces'."
There was a long pause. I started to feel rising panic. Maybe they all thought I was a pervert. Of course they did. Could we strike the tent at night? Would we be heading for the car? The drive home would be awful. They'd never talk to me again. Everybody would know.
Then Sue spoke. "What do you mean, 'put you through your paces'.
"Oh nothing, I don't think I should have spoken." I was feeling very uncomfortable, almost nauseated. I had revealed too much and what I said was too dark.
Reba chimed in next": "Come on, Ted, you might as well get it off your chest."
I just blurted out the first things that came into my mind, free-associating:
"Oh, like being tied up, tied and sodomized, tied to trees, being tied spread-eagled, standing up or lying down, being suspended by my wrists off the ground like I once saw in a Classic Comic, being forced to hike naked when everyone else is dressed, being whipped or beaten with branches, being forced to perform sexual services in public, sexually teased over and over again but not allowed to cum, being taken out in public led by a leash around my dick, tethered to a tree like a horse but tied by my balls, tied to a naked girl, tied among strangers who think I'm totally twisted...you know, stuff like that."
My head was buzzing. Was it the grass, or the fact that I had just ruined three perfectly good relationships, and so soon after getting a great handjob in the lake?
After a few moments Jack spoke: "so, like, you're a slaveboy!"
I sighed, not knowing where to begin.
"Did you just make this up?", asked Reba.
"Not exactly."
"How often do you have these fantasies?" asked Sue.
"Pretty much all the time. I've had them since before puberty."
"You're kidding!" Reba sounded amazed. "Do you ever want to do the other side, the sadist side?"
"Under the right circumstances, yeah. I've done both--a little."
"What do you mean?"
"I used to do thing like this with my cousin, or a couple of cousins, when I was much younger. I would almost always be the masochist. And I've done some things as the dominant one too--like after Nanette told me she was having an affair I made her strip and I tied her up and spanked her with a spatula, and then I made her sleep on the floor naked. I was miserable but I got off on her humiliation and pain anyway. I love tying up girls--present company excepted, of course--but it doesn't happen very often."
Sue chuckled in the dark. "I wish I could have been there to see you do that to Nanette. I love the idea of that bitch being spanked by you with a spatula. I thought she was always really mean to you. Did it leave marks?"
"Yeah, she had a red, spotted behind the last time I saw it."
"So, did she do these dominant things to you during your marriage?" Reba asked.
"No--I raised the question once, but she thought it was sick. And anyway, I'm not really interested in being treated meanly or out of anger, or in treating anyone else that way, and there was always too much meanness between us to feel safe giving up control. And I don't want to be anyone's slave or master--at least, not unless it causes pleasure among equals. Something like that."
My face was burning in the dark. I was humiliated by this discussion of my kinks, and still didn't know what my friends thought.
Reba asked "How can it cause pleasure to hurt someone or be hurt?"
I didn't have a glib answer, so I said nothing.
Sue said--"well, I guess there's one way to find out."
Reba replied "yeah."
I wondered about that little interchange, which certainly didn't escape me.
Jack was silent, but I imagined he was taking it all in. He said "I'm going to bed."
Sue agreed and they both got up.
"Tomorrow--Mount Ampersand", said Jack.
They disappeared into the tent.
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