Allie's Initiation

by Alina Aamu

Storycodes: F/f, bond, bdsm, climax, first, oral, rom, rope, cons, X

I couldn't believe how fast things were starting to move forward for me. I wasn't the kind of girl who usually allows herself to be talked into these kinds of things. Of course, truthfully I didn't really know if I was the kind or not, because nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I had never allowed things to go this far with anyone before.

But there was something about Val that released a lot of my inhibitions. She hated that I called her that. She would always insist that I called her Valerie, but that only made me want to call her Val even more. I didn't even know why. Maybe it was just a reaction to her cheesy opening line:

“Is Allie short for something?”

She had caught me completely by surprise. I had settled into farthest corner from all the action, trying to pass the time, drinking my cola while the party was going on in the rest of the bar. I usually never went to any parties, but it had been important for one of my dearest friends that I attended, so I was fulfilling my duty. But as usual, I had withdrawn from the actual party and pretty much just hoped that the clock would move faster.

I was so caught off guard that it actually took me a few beats to mutter an answer.

"No, it's not. Everybody keeps asking me that, though."

"Why aren't you joining in the fun?" she asked as she sat next to me.

I decided to give this mysterious woman a closer look. And immediately I couldn't help but recognize her as one of the most gorgeous women I had ever seen. She wasn't beautiful in an artificial way, but she carried her tall figure with amazing grace. She had a body of a runner and she looked dazzling in her long black dress. She was about 15 years older than me, in her late 30's, but I had always gotten along really well with people older than me.

I chuckled silently at the contrast we must've made since I never wore makeup, never dressed up and her breasts dwarfed mine. They weren't extraordinarily large, especially for someone her height, but pretty much everybody's breasts were larger than mine. I wasn't completely flat, but I was small enough that I really didn't need to use a bra, which was actually kind of convenient. But it did add to my boyish appearance.

I took a sip of my soda.

"I don't really do parties, honestly." I said. "I just came by as a favour."

"Still, you're here. There's no need to not have some fun. Come on, dance with me!"

I smiled at her, trying not to offend her.

"I don't dance."

"What?" she asked. "I don't believe that. Everybody dances."

"Not me."

"How can you have any fun if you don't dance?"

"Oh, I have my ways. I actually quite enjoy slaughtering newborn babies. Just to give you an example."

I used this line to pretty much weed out all new acquaintances. If they took me seriously and freaked out, I knew we could never get along. Not really. Even though I wouldn't have minded either way at the time, it was my luck that she laughed at my comment and offered her hand.

"I'm Valerie, by the way." she said as and shook hands. "Please, don't call me Val."

"Ok, Val, I won't. How did you know that my name was Allie?"

"I asked from somebody who knew you. I didn't think it was fair that someone would have to be alone in the middle of all this."

"I like to be alone. But I can't say that I mind the interruption that much either," I said.

"So, apparently you don't drink and you don't dance. I don't know what I should do with you, then."

"I didn't know you had to do something with me."

"I can't just leave you here all bored without getting something nice out of the evening. So if I can't do anything about it here, would you like to go out and have dinner sometime?"

I halted for a few seconds. I didn't quite believe what I was hearing.

"What?" I asked, only barely avoiding getting my mouthful of cola down on my chest.

"You know, like go on a date."

Now I blushed a little. This was the first time that anyone had approached me in this manner and I was a little freaked out. I was especially freaked out because I actually wasn't out as a lesbian to pretty much anyone around. Fortunately the music was playing loud enough that it was very unlikely that anyone had heard us.

"What makes you think I go on dates with women?" I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment. But it was obvious that I wasn't doing it very well, because she laughed at this.

"Dear Allie, you're looking at the most accurate gaydar in town," she said. "But it's not like I had to make much of a stretch in your case."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"What do you mean? I know I'm a bit of a tomboy, but that doesn't mean that..."

"Julia Roberts is a bit of a tomboy compared to you," Val said as she laughed again. "You practically radiate sapphic energy."

I had planned to protest a little more, but I just agreed to go on the date instead. So we went out and got pizzas a couple of weeks later. We had talked for hours and it turned out that just as I had been testing her, she had been testing me with her direct approach. I still very much had my guard up, but there was no denying that we had chemistry and we both had passed each others tests.

We continued dating, first seeing each other just occasionally, but then we started to meet several times a week. She was patient with my insecurities and inexperience to ridiculous degree and I adored her for it.

As weeks went by, I was starting to be aware that the question of eventual sex was starting to hang over our heads more and more. She hadn't brought up the subject even once, but I knew that it wouldn't be long. And so it was that after eating some excellent lasagna that she had prepared and we had settled on her couch to watch some late night television before it was time for me to head back home, she asked me point blank:

"Tell me, Allie. Are you a virgin?"

I had been leaning against her shoulder, but got up. I got nervous again, for the first time in a long while with her.

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Don't get me wrong. I'm trying to pressure you into anything. It's just that usually after dating for so long, my girlfriends and I have spent quite a lot of time between in each others legs."

I blushed feverishly. It took me a while to stutter a response. I was also taken aback by her calling me her girlfriend. That was the first time anybody had called me that.

"No, I've had sex... a couple of times. Yeah, so... Umm, not a virgin, here."

She smiled at me.

"You know there's nothing to be ashamed about. I won't mind."

"No, really. Honestly, I'm not a virgin. I just..." I halted.

"What?" she asked, looking slightly worried.

"It's just that I..." I was afraid to continue, but finally managed to do so. "It's not that big of a deal to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I've had sex with a couple of girls, but it just wasn't so great for me. I mean, I like it just fine, but I just really rather just hang out."

"Are you serious?" she asked, looking genuinely surprised by this point.

"Yeah, I am."

"Well," she said, thinking for a second. "You know there's nothing wrong with that. There are people who want relationships but just don't want the sex."

"I know, I know," I said. "And I've considered that too, but that's not who I am either. I mean, I want to do it with you eventually, but it's just not a big part of how I see our relationship."

Val spent a few moments thinking about it all.

"Are you sure you just haven't had bad sex?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure, because to be perfectly honest, I did do it quite a lot when I was in college. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been that unlucky every time."

"Well, maybe you just haven't taken the right approach to it."

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated for a second before continuing.

"Remember when I said that I couldn't see you tomorrow because I was going to do something on my own?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, I've changed my mind. I want you to come along."

"Oh... Ok. Where are we going?"

Val smiled quizzically.

"I think it's better if it's a surprise," she said. "Here, I'll give you the address."

She scribbled the address and said that I should meet her outside at 8pm. And that's where I had been standing for the past 15 minutes as I was wondering how my life had taken such an unexpected turn in such a relatively short time. I had a girlfriend now, and even though it probably wasn't such a big deal for most people, it was a pretty drastic change for me. I really didn't mind being alone, I had never suffered from it. But now I had been so taken by this gorgeous woman that I was actually waiting for her to go to an unknown location to potentially broaden my sexual horizons. Which was the last thing I would've thought I'd ever do voluntarily.

I had been waiting for her for so long because I had arrived ridiculously early, as usual. Fortunately the weather was nice, so I just walked up and down the sidewalk as I waited for her to show. I started to note that very strange looking people were starting to pass me by and around a corner. They were all dressed in black, had a lot of metallic accessories and quite a number of them had weird hair. At first I didn't give it much thought, it wasn't the first time I'd seen some goth figures going about town, but I started to get a bit suspicious when they all seemed to head to the same place. The same place I was standing next to, presumably to enter with Val.

I was starting to have serious second thoughts about being there when Val finally showed up. Fortunately, she was dressed much more conservatively than some of the people around, in simple black trousers and a short sleeved shirt that was still quite generous in its cleavage. She was smiling broadly, clearly glad to see me there and in a very chipper mood overall. I guess she hadn't been completely sure about me staying there either.

"Hi!" she said as she approached me. "Have you been waiting for long?"

"Well, you know me. The usual," I said as she kissed me on the lips. I felt slightly ashamed about it, since I was not at all comfortable with public displays of affection, but that was one thing I'd never get Val to compromise on. Fortunately we were in a relatively remote part of the town and there was little danger of someone recognizing me.

I pointed at the unmarked entrance where the people were drizzling to.

"Are we going in there?" I asked, mildly hoping that she'd give me a negative answer.

"Uh huh," she said and nodded.

"Are we going to see a heavy metal show or something? Because I didn't bring my earplugs or anything.

"No, we're not going to see a heavy metal show, so don't worry about that. The only thing you'll need in there is trust and an open mind."

"That... still sounds like a metal show to me."

She smiled at me.

"Look, I don't want to pressure you into anything. If you want to leave at any point, just let me know. But there's nothing that will happen to you in there. We'll just sit back and be the audience. I just want you to see this."

"You're starting to worry me a bit."

"I do that," she said with a wry smile. "But I hope you're still coming in."

"I don't know..."

"What's the worst thing that could happen? You'll waste an hour an a half. That can't be that bad?"

"I guess not..."

"Then let's just go in."

And we did. And no, we did not see a heavy metal show, even though it did take me a while to realize what it actually was that we were witnessing. Val later explained to me that what we saw was one of the first rate BDSM performances out there. I was very uncomfortable at first, watching the performers being dominated by this admittedly gorgeous latex goddess. But once I got used to it, I actually quite enjoyed it. I found myself fascinated by her nimbleness with the ropes and shackles, her efficiency in how she restrained her models. And at the end of the show, she even suspended several of them and nearly made me have a heart attack by pulling a rope and having the model drop down several feet before the ropes took hold of the model once again. Of course it was all choreographed carefully and I couldn't help but applaud wildly with the rest of the audience.

Val didn't push me for a reaction as we walked out of the theater and I was glad that she didn't. But at the same time, I really didn't know how to approach her after what we had just seen either. Obviously this was something that was important for her and a part of her, because why else would've she made such a big deal out of bringing me here. And why else would've she planned to come even without me?

We were already driving up to her place before she finally cleared her throat and asked:

"So... What did you think?"

I felt my throat tightening as I wasn't quite ready to talk about it yet. But I realized that if I didn't just start, I never would be. So I answered:

"It was... It was interesting."

"Do you know why I wanted you to come?"

"I guess so. But I'd still rather that you told me so that we're in the same page."

"Well, you said that you hadn't really gotten much out of vanilla sex in you past, and so I thought..."

"Vanilla?" I asked, interrupting her.

"You know, regular sex without anything fancy on top of it."

"Oh. Right."

"Right. And I used to think about sex much the same way. I mean, I'd orgasm, but it just felt so empty and meaningless to me. But then I found BDSM and my whole thinking about intimate relations changed overnight."

"You mean you enjoy sex more if you have a lot of toys?"

"No, it's not that simple," she said, and her voice changed so that I could hear the intensity in her voice. "And it's not just about sex. Bondage can be about so much more than that. Sometimes you don't even need to have actual sex to get the emotional release. It's about power exchange, it's about letting go, it's about giving yourself completely to the mercy of someone else. It's a really beautiful thing if it really starts to work right between two people."

"You mean that you couldn't be in a long-term relationship with someone who's not into that?"

"No, you're still getting me wrong. I've been in both BDSM and vanilla relationships and I can live with either. I'm not trying to force you into anything or convince you to do something you're not comfortable with. I brought you here to introduce you to the idea and as a starting point so that maybe we could talk about it. And since you said you had trouble finding really meaningful sex and since this helped me to find it, I thought it might work out for you too."

"Oh, ok... I guess I see your point," I said, with hesitation. I kind of got what she was saying, but it was all just so overwhelming to take in at once. I had been conscious of bondage and the BDSM subculture, but had never given it much thought.

"I'd just like you to think about it," she said.

"Ok, I promise I will," I said, but wasn't all that sure. "This might sound a bit shallow of me, but I have to say that I liked it that all the models were girls."

Val smiled at me and took my hand.

"Didn't I tell you," she said. "You just radiate sapphic energy."

I laughed back at her and we spent the rest of the ride to her place in almost complete silence as I was still trying to process everything she had just told me. But fortunately once we got to her place, I kind of pushed that back and we had a very pleasant dinner together. We talked about regular things and she didn't try to push the conversation back to bondage. I got back to my comfort zone and we settled on the couch to watch some bad late-night television, as usual.

I leaned against her shoulder as I liked to do and curled up against her. She put her arm around me and we were set for the rest of the evening. It was Friday night, so it was clear to both of us that I'd be spending the night there as I had done the past few weeks. She was always the perfect hostess and allowed me to sleep on the couch even though she had a double bed. It wasn't that I didn't want to be close to her, I just couldn't sleep sharing the bed with someone else. And since we hadn't been intimate yet, there was no pressure to do so.

As I was watching the show, not really paying attention to what was going on, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this wonderful feeling of security that Val created around me. I realized that I had never been this comfortable with another human being in my life and that I would've trusted her with my life. A big part of it had to be her absolute gentleness in how she handled me and how she never pushed me for anything. She was older and more experienced so I knew she had to be frustrated that we hadn't had any sex yet even though we had been dating for a while now. But the fact that she had never pressured me about it and the way she had handled this whole bondage introduction made me so grateful about her tact and her patience. I knew right then that she would never take advantage of me and that I could surrender to her and never be the slightest bit unsafe. It was then that I made my decision. I knew it might have been too soon, but I was ready as I was ever going to be.

I sat up from her embrace and she gave me a quizzical look.

"Are you tired," she asked. "Do you want to go to bed already?"

"No," I said. "I want you to show me."

"Show you what?"

"The things you said about bondage and all that earlier. I want to know if it has the same effect on me as it has for you."

Now Val sat up straighter as well and she turned off the TV.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You know you don't have to do that. I don't want to pressure you into anything."

"No, I want to. I want to know what it feels like to give control of myself to somebody else and you're the only person I could ever do that with."

Val looked at me for a long while, clearly pleased but not sure as to how to proceed. Then she sighed and got up.

"Ok," she said. "Hold on for a second, I'm going to get some equipment."

As she exited the room, I realized that my heart was racing almost out of control. I was really nervous about what was happening, but I was also very aware that it was very positive nervousness. I really wanted this to happen even more than I had expected.

I debated with myself if I should have removed some of my clothes or not and was of two minds about it. I started to pull my shirt off and then changed my mind about three times over before I actually pulled it over my head, leaving me just with my sleeveless undershirt.

Val entered just as I had taken off the shirt and immediately said:

"You don't really have to take any of your clothes off for this."

"I wanted to."

"Okay, it's completely up to you."

She came to the couch and sat next to me. I noticed that she had two carefully coiled pieces of brown rope with her. My heart leaped to my throat as I saw them and I could feel myself physically blushing. If Val noticed it, she didn't say anything and I counted that as another thing that she was doing just right.

"Now, let's start you off with something really simple," she said. "Just turn your back to me and put your hands behind them."

I was about to ask something, but with some hesitation I just did it. She grabbed my wrists and gently pushed them against each other.

"Just... just don't make them too tight," I said with a trembling voice.

"My dear Allie. You'll come to know that with my rope skills, they don't have to be tight to be absolutely inescapable."

She coiled the rope against my wrists. I could sense that she could do it faster, but she did everything really slow to not freak me out. I tried to glance back to see what it was that she was actually doing, but I really couldn't see there. I was surprised how soft the ropes felt against my wrists and how they only felt more comfortable as she coiled more layers of the rope.

She then did something between my wrists to tighten the tie and suddenly she said:

"Ok, you're all set. You can turn around now."

I did and looked at her. She looked me with such love I had never seen from her and that made me feel like it was all worth it even if I ended up hating the predicament that I was in.

"Try it out. I bet you can't get yourself free," she said in what was almost a whisper.

I wiggled my arms and hands and my wrists were indeed locked pretty darn tight against each other without the ropes digging in or pinching me anywhere. I wriggled my fingers, trying to find the knot that was holding it all together, but to no avail. I shrugged at her.

"I guess I'm at your mercy for the time being," I said. She smiled to me broadly, but tenderly.

"It really is that simple, my love," she said. "There doesn't have to be anything more complex than that. With your hands behind your back, you're more at my command than you might imagine."

"Really?"

"Yes, because you'll find that you'd have a real hard time trying to defend yourself if I decided to, oh, I don't know, maybe tickle you mercilessly!"

And with that, she attacked my arms and sides, tickling me gently. I let out a scream, trying to get away from her fingers, but she was really correct. The best I could do was to lean forward, but that obviously didn't do anything to put her off. Fortunately, she didn't go on for long and I leaned back again, laughing.

"Or, I could suddenly take advantage of your helplessness and claim you as mine!" she said.

She then grabbed me close with her other hand and pulled me in for a passionate kiss while her other hand scooped my breast. I couldn't imagine there to could be more passionate kissing on this planet. And it seemed to go on forever, not that I minded one bit. I surrendered myself completely to her strong arms holding me and her mouth doing a passionate dance with mine. I could feel a spark of understanding what all this bondage business was about.

But the moment came to a close before I could truly grasp it. Not surprisingly, because it was easy even for me to recognize that this was something you did not come to in an instant. Val looked at me with intensity I'd never seen in her before. Even if I wasn't yet quite into this, I could see that this was really important to her and I wanted to at least give it an honest shot for both our sakes.

"You can't believe how sexy you look," she said. "Just the sight of you with your hands behind your back is enough for me to go crazy."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just smiled meekly back at her. She returned the gesture and we spent a moment just looking at each other, both of us seeing the other in slightly different light, just for this very small step into this alternative lifestyle. Then she broke her gaze and grabbed the remote.

"Oh, it's time for the news," she said, in a tone that had returned her to regular headspace. "You want to watch?"

"Oh. Ok," I said, a little confused by this sudden change in the topic of conversation. "Are you going to untie me?"

"Why? Have you had enough for now?"

"No, it's not that. I just assumed that since we're back to watching television, the moment's over."

She looked at me very seriously as she explained:

"No, it doesn't have to be. Look, bondage isn't just a game or a sex enhancing gimmick for me. Tying pretty girls and all that comes with it is a lifestyle for me. So I don't want to make it into a big deal. It doesn't have to be about sex. For me, bondage is just as routine and ordinary as sitting back to watch TV is for most folks. And I want you to learn that as well. Now, if you want to get untied or your hands feel like they're going numb, I'll let you loose. But if you're fine, I'd really like to watch the news with you like this."

I was a little surprised by all this at first, but as I thought about it, it did kind of make sense. In the end, why should having your hands tied be about sex. It's not like it's usually associated with that. I shrugged.

"Ok," I said. "Let's watch the news."

She smiled at me.

"I'm glad to hear it," she said. "Bondage is about trust, relaxation and empowerment for both of us. I want you to be comfortable with it."

"I understand."

"Good. Now open and close your fists a few times for me. I want to be sure that your circulation is still fine. And if you start to feel any numbness, just let me know."

I did as requested and she watched me complete the exercise. She nodded happily and then lifted her legs on the couch and leaned against the armrest. She then gestured for me to come to her and I settled leaning against her torso, basically sitting in her lap. She wrapped her left arm around me again and then turned the television back on.

The news weren't very interesting, or if they were, I wasn't paying any attention in any case. I concentrated on the feeling that lying in her lap with my hands behind my back produced. She had been right, because I was overwhelmed by this flood of contentment. She had been correct. Letting completely go of my abilities to use my hands, I had transferred all of my responsibilities to her. She was taking care of everything and she was protecting me. I didn't have to worry about doing the wrong thing because I couldn't do anything. I was struck by the beauty of the fundamental shift in our relationship and the wealth of happiness that it produced in me.

As I relaxed more and more, I could feel her breathing soothing as well. Because my arms were blocking direct contact of our torsos, I couldn't feel her heartbeat, but I was sure that hers was lowering by the same feeling of contentment that I was feeling. And because I could feel that Val was relaxing, it made me relax even more. I realized that we were caught in some kind of a feedback loop powered by our mutual feelings of contentment and I recognized that this had the potential to take me to places I hadn't thought possible. I had never been as relaxed and felt as safe than I felt right then. I closed my eyes to let in the emotions wash over me.

I was roused by my own sensory barrage when I felt Val very carefully and slowly slipping her hand under my undershirt. She lift her hand under the shirt until she found one of my breasts and started to caress it very slowly and gently. Usually I wasn't very comfortable with allowing contact like this to go on for extended periods of time, but right then I did not mind in the slightest. She was in control and she had the right for my breast, if not for anything else, then just for taking me to this wonderful new emotional place. But it wasn't about just me giving her a reward, I found that I truly enjoyed the sensation, maybe for the first time ever. It was as if giving up control had also freed some of my inhibitions.

The feeling of contentment and happiness suddenly started to overwhelm me and no matter how hard I tried to suppress it, tears started to roll down my cheeks. Val noticed it almost immediately and withdrew her hand.

"What's the matter," she asked. "Are you ok? Is something hurting?"

I shook my head for no. I tried to keep my voice steady, but I really didn't manage it.

"No, it's nothing like that. I'm just... overwhelmed. This feels so... So..."

I left her hanging as I tried to find the right words. She was tensing up, clearly worried that the next words out of my mouth would be something that would destroy her hopes for a wonderful bondage laden future.

"So..." I tried saying, not wanting to make her wait for too long. "So at piece. I don't think I'd want to be anywhere else than here, right now in this moment."

She smiled broadly at me, feeling both happiness and relief. Probably the latter more than the former. She kissed me gently and wiped the tears from my face.

"Do you want to untie you?" she asked softly. "It's been a big night and you probably need rest."

I sat there for a moment, just watching her, my entire body filling with the purest kind of love someone could feel for another person. I then made the decision.

"Make love to me," I said. "Right here, with me like this."

"Are you sure?" she asked with surprise. "Shouldn't we take this a bit slower."

"I don't want to take it slower. I need to know what it feels and I want to know it now. I can't rest until I do. I think you know why."

She nodded lightly at me.

"Yeah, I do," she said. "Sit back and relax, I'll try to give you something you might not have ever had."

I leaned back, a bit disappointed by her sudden arrogance. What was she going to do that was so great? It wasn't like I hadn't had sex before.

But I had to admit that the additional element of having my hands locked behind my back did add a titillating extra to the entire ordeal. I was actually getting quite excited as I closed my eyes while Val removed my pants and slowly opened my legs. Her hands felt exquisitely soft and her touch was wonderfully gentle. She slowly slid her hands up and down my thighs, each time getting closer to my crotch. I couldn't help but shiver slightly as she got closer and closer.

But when she was just about to touch my mound, she withdrew her hands. I opened my eyes and looked at Val. She was smiling at me and I frowned at her enjoyment.

"Come on, that's not..." I started to say, but she shushed me quiet. I didn't know why, but I instinctively fell silent at once.

"Just close your eyes and lean back. Believe me, you'll be happy that you did."

I complied after one last disapproving look and settled against the couch again. I shifted my body so that I found a comfortable position for my arms that were essentially pinned under me. I let out a breath and waited for what was about to happen.

Val left me hanging for a moment. I could feel that she had knelt between my legs. I could feel her body heat close to my crotch and I could almost sense her breathing. But she didn't touch anything for what seemed like several minutes. And then, she finally made contact.

Her touch was the barest of brush of her finger against my clitoris. The contact was almost too soft to feel and lasted for only a fraction of a second, but my body had an extremely strong reaction to it. I took a gulp of air and my stomach muscles tightened. The pleasure centers of my brains were starting to wake up.

Val continued to touch me with the slightest of touches with both her fingers and eventually her tongue, but she didn't allow the touch to last for very long. I was starting to wriggle in my seat, starting to feel the desire flare inside me. Her gentle touches were making me tune in the merest of contact and they started to amplify as she went on. I ached for a more concrete touch.

My breathing got heavier as she continued her dance around my clit. Slowly the contact started to get longer and she started to touch me with slightly more force. This was driving me absolutely nuts because her soft touches had made me hypersensitive and now that she was starting to make fuller contact, it was all the more powerful.

But she still advanced slowly until suddenly two of her fingers slid inside me and my clit got encapsulated by her mouth. She then started to lick my clit with circular motions while her fingers expertly explored my insides. My eyes shot wide open and I was overwhelmed with pleasure. It was almost too much to handle, but it was right in the zone where it was just making me insane with the kind of sexual endorphine rush that I had very rarely achieved and never at this scale.

I hadn't even realized how wet I had gotten before I sensed her fingers sliding in so effortlessly. Her long fingers tested every corner of my vagina methodically, finding the spots that I responded to the most and then she concentrated her efforts to those spots. At the same time her licking started to become more feverish and the combined effect was utter bliss like I had never imagined.

I couldn't help but let out a long moan while I was getting closer and closer to climaxing. As it turned out, I didn't even have time to take a breath in the middle of the moan when an intense body spasm took over and I started to orgasm with unparalleled intensity. Val took this as a sign to start working on my clit even harder and as the walls contracted around her fingers, she began to slide them in and out of me.

I wanted to scream, but my lungs were caught in the full body spasm and I couldn't breathe. I began to shake and curl as the orgasmic climax seemed to take over every single nerve ending and muscle in my body. Finally, after I thought I would pass out, my lungs gained some functionality back and I let a guttural moan that I didn't know was possible to produce with the human vocal cords.

And exactly at the right moment, Val broke all contact with me and let the aftershocks of what had just happened go over me, wave by wave. At that point I was at my side on the couch with my legs dropped on the floor and I just remained still as the enormity of what just had occurred slowly let go of my body. The afterglow was almost as good as the climax itself. Val had got up and sat next to me on the couch, not wanting to interfere with my recovery.

"Wow," I finally managed to utter with a hoarse voice.

"Did you come?" Val asked with a sly grin.

"You know, I think I just might have," I said and smiled as well.

Finally I felt stable enough to start sitting up and Val helped me gently. We sat there, looking at each other, for a few seconds.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

I suddenly felt self-conscious and even a bit embarrassed. What was I supposed to answer to a question like that? Would it freak her out if I said just how enormous an experience it had been for me and what it meant that she had had such gentleness and sweetness on everything that she had done. Maybe it would've even freaked me out a little to vocalize all that I was feeling right at that moment. So instead I said:

"I'm starting to feel pressure in my shoulders. Maybe it's time to get me out of this?"

"Of course," she said as she turned me so that I was facing the other direction. "You shouldn't overdo it on the first go anyway."

She let my hands free from their bonds and she took my wrists and forced me to let my arms come forward only slowly. I immediately saw why she was doing it, because my shoulders really were quite stiff at this point. Doing it too fast might have been really painful. As soon as I was in complete control of my arms, I used them to put my pants back on.

"You do realize that that wasn't really what I was asking," she said as she watched me. "How was it?"

I sat back down, still feeling a little embarrassed.

"It's definitely something I need to think about."

"The orgasm or the bondage?"

"The bondage. Don't get me wrong, the orgasm was pretty freaking fantabulous. But I can't still help but feel that it's something that only lasts for a ridiculously short time. But this..." I lifted the rope that Val had left between us. "...this was something more. Something more lasting and something way more fundamental. I'd very much like to explore it more with you."

"You can't believe how happy I am to hear that," she said and the relief was apparent in her voice. "There's so much I want to teach you, so much there is to show."

"Fortunately," I said. "We have the rest of our lives for exploration."

Allie’s Initiation, Part II

by Alina Aamu

I was still at a loss as to why Val had taken me under her wing with such force when we had met, but it was exactly the thing that I had needed at the time. I wasn’t the one to make advances on anybody, and not really the type to take them either. Val was different, but what made her so different was that she had decided to be. She had grabbed me with two hands and hadn’t let me go. Not that there was much holding required, I was quite happy to be there in her grasp.

But why had she picked me? Why did she tolerate my uncertainty, my inexperience and my overall awkwardness, I could never tell. I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter, but a brain usually does what it wants regardless of any wishes from the conscious mind. So I couldn’t help but feel afraid, inferior. Sometimes to the point where I was sure that she’d grow bored of me and ditch me, so I was afraid to get too attached even if my heart ached for it. I feared that I was throwing my happiness away just so it couldn’t be taken away.

But it all changed when I was in bondage by her. The troubles just melted and I knew I was in a safe place, because I was under her complete power and she couldn't leave me. She had placed me there, our interaction was based on supreme trust. She couldn't leave me and I couldn't do anything to make her leave me. I don't think I could've survived the first months knowing Val without it.

It was by no means the only reason I liked it, though. It  felt euphoric in and of itself, but the additional stuff about our relationship just multiplied the pleasure. She had lead me very slowly into the world of bondage and had continued with the same relaxed pace. After our explosive first foray into it, she hadn't done anything much more complicated. She had tied me up some more, adding some additional elements like tying my ankles the same way she tied my wrists, but nothing much beyond that. I appreciated the slow approach, but admittedly I had started to grow more impatient to explore this side about me. But I wasn't going to push Val. On anything. Partly it was because I was scared to trigger anything that might make her abandon me and partly it was because I felt pretty submissive towards her and tended to just follow her lead.

And here we were, lying besides each other, watching some mindnumbingly average early evening television yet again. She had her hand inside my shirt, slowly tracing her fingers around my nipple as she often did. She still wasn't a fan of me not wearing a bra, but she did seem to enjoy the access it provided. I was just having trouble getting the kicks out of it that I normally did. I was being overwhelmed by all of the doubts that had been brewing inside me for the past several weeks. Being with her had usually helped with it, but now it felt like it was just getting worse.

I tried to concentrate on the program on the television as hard as I tried, but I couldn't help but feel this swell of desperate emotions wash over me. And before I realised, I was crying in Val's lap. She immediately raised us to a sitting position and she was looking at me with concern. I tried to say something to her, but couldn't. She hugged me when she saw it. Unfortunately that made me feel even more vulnerable and I cried harder. I had so much going inside me and I wanted to tell all of it to Val right that second, but I couldn't. I was too vulnerable. I was too scared. What if it turned out I was right?

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Is something going on?"

I tried answering, but I managed to only let out an unintelligible squeak, which made her hug me even tighter. She started caressing my hair and her gentle touch seemed to finally start calming me down. It took several minutes, but I felt like I finally would be able to talk. Val seemed to sense that and let me go of her embrace.

She turned the TV off and looked at me, expecting me to start talking. I wanted to, but I really would've preferred it if she had started instead of waiting for me. She probably thought this would be easier for me, but it was exactly the opposite. It took a while, but finally I let out a sigh and started speaking. This was it, I was going to tell her about my insecurities and I desperately hoped that she wasn't going to respond the way I feared she would. I kind of knew it was absurd in a way, but I was genuinely afraid that this was going to be the last night of our relationship.

"It's just..." I started weakly. "I've been feeling really insecure about myself lately. About us, really."

She seemed genuinely surprised about that.

"Why?" Val asked.

"Well, you know. You're so experienced and you've seen and done so many things. I'm just fumbling my way with all of this."

"No, you're not. You should know better than to even think like that."

"But I am!" I said even more forcefully than I had intended. "You're not my first girlfriend, but you know that I've never had a relationship this long and... well frankly, this sexual before. And then there's the kinky stuff that I know nothing about and I'm just nervous that I can't satisfy you in any way in those things if I feel like I can't even satisfy you sexually without any of the extra stuff."

"You really shouldn't even talk like that." she said softly. "It's not about the mechanics or some kind of technical efficiency. It's about you and me, connecting, sharing a moment. You shouldn't think about it like some kind of a test."

"I know, I know. But I can't help feeling I'm so awkward and clumsy about everything so that you're not getting much out of it. I feel like you probably would rather be doing it with someone who actually knows what they're doing and give you those monster orgasms that you give me."

Val let out a little chuckle. It made me feel better, even though I wasn't really that sure what it meant. I smiled slightly at her.

"If I just wanted someone who could perform flawlessly and efficiently, I'd find someone like that." she said. "But I didn't, and I don't want to. I found you. And I want to be with you. And I want to do all these things with you. That's all you really need to know. You do know that, right?"

I nodded meekly, even though I really did not know that. But her saying it made me feel better and I didn't really want to push her on the subject anyway.

"But why then have you shut me out of your kinky circle of friends?" I asked. "You know I'm into this stuff, but you never invite me to the parties you go to and tell me about afterwards. I'm pretty sure you do stuff there with other people. Is that why you don't want me along? So you can enjoy it with someone more experienced."

Val sighed and looked like she was considering her response very carefully. My heart sank as I was scared to hear what she had to say to this. Did she have to consider her words carefully because I was right and she was looking for a way to say it to me? Was this going to be it?

"You know, I've been thinking about that for a while now." Val said after a long pause. Way too long for my comfort. "No, that's not why I've been keeping you out at all. I do some simple play things at the parties, yeah, but I'm always straight with you about what I've been doing and I've never done anything that I feel would compromise my fidelity to you."

"But why then?"

"The scene can be... a pretty big thing to take in. I wanted to make sure you'd be ready for it." she paused for a while to consider her words a little more. "You know, most people there, the vast majority, are just ordinary folks like you and me. But there are all kinds of assholes there as well and people who can really be harmful for anybody and it's a really small community so you'll be directly or indirectly subjected to all of it. You hear everything and you can't really ignore the bad things even if you wanted to. I just wanted to shelter you from it a little longer. And you know, maybe I wanted to keep yourself all for me for a little why longer."

"But you do have me. You will always have me."

"I know. But after being in the scene for a while, you realise that the soap operas have nothing on the drama that goes on in the scene. And I've been there for a long, long time."

She sighed again.

"But I can see that I've been wrong." she continued. "I've kept you out too long and I should've realised what it's doing to you. Is that what triggered this?"

I shook my head for no.

"No, it's not that." I said. "It's not anything you've done, don't misunderstand me. It's just me being all insecure about not doing the right things, like I said. Or doing or saying the wrong things at the wrong time. I just don't know how to do this and it's eating me up inside. I so badly want to be what you want me to be, but I don't know how."

"Oh, Allie. I just want you to be you. That's why I am with you."

I was about to start crying again, although for different reasons than before. This had gone the way I hadn't expected at all, but it had gone exactly as I deep down had hoped it would. Val saw that I was maybe about to start crying again, and she stopped me by almost lunging at my lips.

We kissed passionately for a long time. I had exposed my innermost feelings to her so that I was emotionally and physically more vulnerable than ever before. The fact that she hadn't turned me down or gotten mad made the kissing more passionate than ever before with anyone. I could taste her passion, and I could taste that it was all directed at me. Suddenly my concerns felt almost ridiculous.

"But you know," Val said as we broke our lips but stayed really close. "If you're really worried about doing the wrong thing, I have ways to make sure you don't."

She gently turned me around so that my back was to her and she took off my shirt. I didn't resist, but raised my arms so that the shirt just slipped over my head and revealed my now naked upper body. I still had my eyes closed from the kissing but I could feel that Val was reaching for the chest of equipment she had moved right next to the sofa.

When she came back, she petted my arms and whispered to my ear.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to right now."

"No," I whispered back. "I totally want to. I need to."

"Ok."

She bent my forearms against each other while I still kept my eyes shut. She was very gentle, but also very firm in her moves. This was something new, but I could recognise what she was doing as she coiled the ropes around my forearms. She was going to put me in a boxtie. She hadn't done anything so advanced with me before, but I could recognise it from my research online.

I was starting to get into the calm state I so adored as she coiled the rope around my torso, above and below my breasts, cinching the ropes as she went. Her soft hands felt so good on my body and I could feel the heat of her body as she leaned against me while securing the ropes. The boxtie itself was something I had been curious about for the longest time and it was just as good as I had hoped. I had never been tied this securely and it was like the ropes were extensions of her hands and fingers that were caressing and exploring my upper body as the tie had been finished now.

I leaned against her a little more, wanting to feel her and wanting to encourage her to go on. Her hands were now getting higher as she was caressing my neck. Finally her fingers reached my lips and I gave them kisses as they hovered there.

"You know," she whispered to my ear, very quietly and tenderly. "If you're really worried about saying the wrong things, I have something we haven't tried before that might help with that."

I was about to ask her what it was, but almost as soon as she had finished, her hand yanked my jaw downwards. I finally opened my eyes to see a red ball being taken closer to my mouth and I obediently let her put it in. Of course I had seen ballgags as I had researched kinky things online, but this was the very first time I had anything of the sort in my mouth.

Val tightened the strap and the ball lodged itself deep into my mouth. It was made of some kind of semi-soft material so even though it filled my mouth almost completely, it was surprisingly comfortable there. I closed my eyes again, putting my full attention into enjoying these new sensations, not that I would've been able to concentrate on anything else.

"How's that?" Val whispered. "Feeling safe now?"

I nodded and gave an approving squeak from somewhere behind the gag and she kissed me on the cheek below the strap. The feeling of security really was the overwhelming emotion that washed over me, even winning over the endorphin that I was getting from the bondage itself. I had had no idea being in tighter bondage would feel this good and the gag seemed to enhance the experience even further. Right then, I was feeling more calm and relaxed I probably ever had in my adult life.

"You want to take it even further?" Val whispered and I nodded again. I didn't know what she meant by it, but I was too far gone in my own headspace to even think or care that much.

Val caressed my breasts a little more, something that made me let out more satisfied sounds. But she didn't stay there for long because her hands continued downwards and she pulled down on the sweat pants I was wearing. I lifted my behind and then my legs so that she could slip the sweat pants, my underwear and my socks off at one fell swoop. She then pushed me gently down while she rose up to stand so that I could lay on my stomach on the sofa.

Then Val started tying up my ankles together and after that she pulled them closer to my body to complete the hogtie, another thing I had been curious about but hadn't experienced. Maybe I should've asked her to do these things to me before, but then again, the way we ended up doing them now was so intensely emotionally that I didn't think it would've carried the same weight if I had just asked for it. Getting there naturally was so much more fulfilling.

"Comfy?" she asked. I nodded and let out yet another approving grunt.

"Good." she said as she came to lie beside me on the sofa again. My eyes were still closed, but I could feel that she had taken her shirt off as well and I her soft torso was pushing against my arm and my side. I so loved her softness and her girly shape that she had managed to keep even though she was a bit older than I was. I shuffled closer to her and she kissed my shoulder while her hands started to fondle me all over again.

Her touch was so unique from what I had ever experienced. It was so soft, but also firm and commanding at the same time. I really didn't know how she pulled it off, but she probably didn't either since it came to her so naturally. I just shivered out of sheer pleasure as touched me up and down. Even though there was a lot of rope in the way, it didn't seem to slow down or trip her in any way.

Finally one of her hands started to stroke my thighs and then slowly approached my crotch. As she came closer and closer to touching my vulva, her touch turned ever softer and softer, to the point that she was finally barely touching me with her fingertips when she reached the innermost thigh.

I was aching for her touch down there, but she let me hang for a long while before her fingers finally crossed the border and she started to stroke my pussy. I couldn't help but let out a long sound out of sheer pleasure and relief as her stroking became more and more expedient. I hadn't even been aware of how wet I had become, but when she finally slipped a finger inside me, there was practically no resistance.

It was like my entire nervous system lit up like a christmas tree and I arced my back as the pleasure spread around my body, flooding me with endorphin. I breathed heavily through my nose and around the gag as her finger explored my insides while the other danced around my clitoris.

"You know, as someone who's that inexperienced, you're taking this finger quite well." Val said.

I couldn't help but laugh even through the overwhelming pleasure. I also realised that it just showed me how well Val actually knew me. For most people, that probably wasn't the kind of thing to say after an emotional moment like what we had shares earlier, but it was just the right thing to calm me  even further. She really meant it when she had said she wanted to be with me, inexperience and all.

My laughter quickly turned into more moans as she shoved another finger inside to accompany the other and bent them to trigger some very nice points inside me. I bit to the gag to cope with the overwhelming sensations as she increased the speed of her magic touch both inside me and around my clit. My body gyrated with her and against her to maximise the sensations and the pleasure.

I was so close to reaching climax. The christmas tree had turned into full fireworks and it was like electricity was going through me and reaching every single point in my body. My heart beat with her touch, my breathing was synchronised to her movements, my entire body and soul was dedicated to her touch.

And then, almost right before it was going to happen, she pulled her hand away and sat up. She broke all contact and left me hanging right at the edge. I groaned in frustration as I opened my eyes to look at her, pleading for her to continue with my eyes.

But she didn't budge. Instead she licked the fingers that had been inside me just moments before as she stood there. She then used the same hand to stroke my hair as I still tried to plead to her with my eyes and my slight body movements. I was shaking from both her touch and the unsatisfied nerve centers.

"I guess we should take this to the bedroom, don't you think?" she asked playfully and then started to untie the rope that attached my ankles to my torso and let my feet loose. She helped me to sit up and looked deep into my eyes.

I really hoped she was not going to take off the other ropes or the gag as I really did not want to be off of them yet.

"Still comfy?" she asked as she checked on the tightness of the ropes and the gag. I smiled at her as much as the gag allowed me and nodded. As if it wasn't evident from the wet spot I had left on the couch. It wasn't the first time we'd have to wash the covering, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Good." she said and stood up again as she started to remove all her clothes.

It wasn't meant as a really erotic display as she was just taking off her clothes, but I couldn't help but marvel as to how much passion she ignited in me with such a simple act. Her body was so flawless and thoroughly beautiful to my eyes even though she had started to be more conscious of it herself as the years had started to pile on. But it really didn't matter if everything about it didn't fit the ideal image of beauty as dictated by society. To me, everything about it was perfect. And everything about it was for me to enjoy.

I'm sure she could see that I was feasting my eyes on her naked body and she let me enjoy it while she gathered the rope that had come off from my ankles. To my surprise, she started to coil the rope around my neck, but made sure that it wasn't too tight. When she was done, she pulled gently on the rope to make sure it didn't tighten and then gestured me to stand up.

I stood up as she told me.

"See, you don't have to worry about anything." Val said. "You're in my leash now and I'll take care of everything. Just follow my lead."

The words made me melt inside. I was so thankful to her about how she had managed my inner crisis that I knew I could never express it in words. Fortunately I still had the gag lodged tightly behind my teeth so I couldn't even try to do it in my clumsy way that probably would've ruined the mood. I made me like it more and more.

Val led me gently to her bedroom and let me lie on the bed. I so loved the bed that I had spent more time in than I had ever expected. It smelled like her and more importantly, the feel of it brought me a lot of fantastic memories. Most of them not even sexual, but memories of emotional and physical closeness.

She lay next to me on the bed and kissed me on the upper lip over the gag while her hands caressed me. I closed my eyes and just let the emotions and sensations wash over me again. It had been a magical night. We had had them before, but this probably topped all of them. I had opened up to her and she had embraced me as I was regardless of how little I though of myself. And she had done and said exactly the right things to make me feel better. I felt like we were closer than ever and my feelings for her were stronger than I had imagined possible.

And then she said it. She said something she had never said to me before, something nobody had said to me ever before. And suddenly all the insecurities and uncertainties were completely gone. I knew I had nothing to worry about anymore. I knew I had come home, in every sense of the word. She said:

"I love you."