Stuck

I guess it has been all my life.  My parents used a harness when I was in my crib or playpen because I would climb out.  In public I wore a harness and  leash if there were any crowds.  I was on a leash in the backyard, there was no fence and a lake close by.  It was that or I had to stay in all day, and I hated that.  They were trying to protect me and I always felt secure.

When it was time for my orthodontic braces, Iwas 14 and really needed the braces, I saw a girl, about 10 or 11 years old, wearing a more complicated headgear than I had ever seen. She was leaving the treatment room as I was coming in.  I had seen kids in headgear before but this one was different.  It had a regular facebow but the dark blue one piece strap seemed to cover her head.  It had an elastic neckstrap pulling on the facebow, and large rubber bands connected the facebow to hooks on the strap down the side of her face.  More like a harness than anything I had seen in years.

Dr. Reynolds, my orthodontist, saw the look on my face.  “Generally new patients seem intimidated by headgear, they are very effective tools but they require significant cooperation which is difficult to get; especially a teenage male, they will not wear even a simple headgear, even when it is the best course of treatment.  They are not socially popular, even in middle school.”

We could see the girl leaving the office.  “I would wear that. “  Reynolds stared at me curiously.  It had sounded strange, a little too opposite of normal behavior.  “I mean if it will help treatment. “

“I am glad to see you have such an open mind.  You will have to wear headgear 14 hours a day minimum and I require it be worn every day for that long.   If not you would be wasting time, effort and money and the final result.  But if you are actually willing to make the commitment,and wear headgear as directed, it will help, you have a complicated case.  You might be wearing the appliance for some time.”

I got an erection when I saw I was getting the same headgear as the girl.  Most kids would have run screaming into the night and I was hiding a hard on, a stiff one at that.  I was a poster boy for cooperative patients.  There was something about the harness feel about it, and that I could wear it in public.  I wore it for better part of two years and despite being socially stigmatized in high school, I felt somehow secure in it.  A year later the braces came off.   I didn’t miss the braces at all, but I remember wishing I had kept the strap.

Occasionally I would look in sporting goods stores at the climbing harnesses and wonder how they fit.  I tried one on in front of my wife one day and she told me to stop wasting time.  But I remembered that harness when we made love the next time.  We were divorced 4 years later.

My closest friend from the office is lesbian.  We had fun together after the divorce, no commitments either way, just friendship.  Her girlfriend worked nights, so Lila and I had dinner a lot, and more than one cocktail.  One night we were both drunk and the subject of fetishes came up.  She kept on probing until I mentioned my occasional erotic harness thoughts.

I told her about early childhood harness, which some people see as wrong, and Lila agreed.  I told her about my headgear.  She was the opposite of me as an orthodontic patient.  Would not wear her headgear or rubber bands and hated every second of her two years.  She thought that proved my fetish.  The harness represented control and security to me.“Nothing wrong with dipping into the other side of sexual norms.  It works for me.”

That night I went on line to look up harnesses.  Most were typical fall prevention harnesses for working, young children’s safety, some were sports harnesses, and others were leather bondage harnesses.  None really excited me and was about to check the scores when I found a site for Harcon,  “Control Harnesses for Special Needs.” They were designed for home care of patients that would wander off.  A harness was specially designed to each person’s measurements and could be worn on top of or underneath clothing if needed,  to be as discreetas possible.

One link at the bottom linked to‘SecureAccessories’.  That was intriguing.  I clicked.  The basic design of the harness was the same as the others with several major distinctions.  The strapping was a special cut resistant Kevlar material reinforced with titanium webbing over wire.   To get in the harness you stepped into each leg, put an arm through each side.  The neck had a strap that laced through both sides of the vest and connected down with the waist band.  It was closed at that point.  It was awireless lock.  Properly fitted, it was sleek and inescapable and could easily be hidden under clothing.

I got stiff just looking at it. There were modifications and accessories.  Another click.Another drink.

“Monitoring and Control.” Click.

“Secure cufffor institutional needs can be adapted for electronic control.  A programmable wireless circuit allows for daily, weekly or monthly scheduling using either satellite location or mechanical means.  Control reminders can be programmed for light to temporarily disabling.  Some control functions require additional components, please check specifications.“

“Can control reminders be anything like shocks?”  I asked myself laughing.

It was the mechanical meansI found interesting.  Cable sets could be set up at several points up to 50 feet.  There was a sliding lockthat fit the back of the harness.  Once locked to the harness it could only be removed if another cable was locked in place.  Then the first cable would open.  There was a separately programmable leash that, when locked to the harness, allowed the harnessed person to move more than 50’from the central unit or cable station.

I was mesmerized.  This was every pent up harness dream I ever had.  I grabbed the charge card and went at it.  I got it all, locators, cable enough to go through the house and outside, special programming,  extra secure materials, time lock, everything on the page.  I did not look at the cost.  I should have, there went my vacation to pay for it.  This would be a real new twist on a stacation. 

Lila was sound asleep on the couch, one of the only times I wanted the word lesbian to go away.  I needed to get laid.  I masturbated once again.

I did not tell Lila or anyone about my little buying spree.  I got an email saying before they could complete the order I needed specific physical measurements to craft the harness.  They suggested having a tailor do the measurements.  Also there was a two page release that needed to be notarized.  I sent both back that day.

Six weeks later there were three boxes waiting inside the porch when I got home.   I carefully un-wrapped all the boxes in an upstairs room and spread it out, saving the small box with the harness for last.  The large box had the stations and cables, a medium box had the electronics and two plastic wrapped white packages labeled ‘optional wear’.  But it was a definite thrill opening the small box.   I stripped and tried it on.  It seemed to fit great as I stared in the mirror, the gray/black harness looking at once slim and form fitting and ominous as I stared at the locking mechanism in front, and the control panel in back.  I peeled off the harness right after wiping off my dick.

Somehow the excitement led to an almost instant sense of shame.  What had I just spent all that money on?  Was I reverting to my child hood?Or was Lila was right, it was” just a little bondage fetish, nothing big”? But an hour later I was reading the manual cover to cover.  It could be programmed so the harness vibrated gently as a reminder, or it could vibrate for maximum distraction. Once the remote was set, it ran the program at the appointed time.

The cable locking system seemed more fun.  I could put a cable upstairs, one down stairs,one in the back.  There was more than some installation required.  In the house the central unit cable bases had to be bolted to the floor or wall.  Once the pressure plate was activated it would disabled if moved.  Outside cable locks attached to the stations could be cable locked to a building or tree.  Once set disabling any part of the system shut down the program and all locks released, except for the harness lock, which would remain locked and the leash would work in manual mode.  The cables were made of the same materials as the harness.

The secure system included two wireless ankle cuffs. They were designed to deliver electric shocks from minor reminders todisabling shocks.   It was not required to run the program; just part of the institutional stuff I had purchased it in my buying frenzy.

I was not being foolish.  Each step of each program was tested twice before my first locked experience.  I set everything on medium vibrate.  Set the timer for a ten minute session in ten minutes and waited.  Ten minutes later the harness started vibrating andbeeping, reminding me I was due to be locked into the system.  If not another reminder was sent every 5 minutes.  I programmed this reminder for a level 4 (out of 10) vibration and stepped into the harness.  It locked promptly.  I waited 5 minutes to check the warning system.  It sent another  strong vibration.  I went to my bedroom and locked a cable in place.  Ten minutes later, both the cable and lock released as scheduled.

I ran several more tests over the next couple of weeks and all worked perfectly. I even tried the ankle cuffs.  The shock on level 5 was enough to convince me to do as the remote said.  I had everything entered into the remote.  I had my two week vacation coming up and I could stay harnessed for a week.  I had been planning 12 hour harnessed days to start.

In order to make sure I put the harness back on each day put the cuff on.  It would not release until after the program had completed.  I wanted to make sure I did not just put it on, jack off, and take it off.  Even then it was only 12 hours for seven days.  The program tested successfully before I put myself in it, now I was ready.

I invited Lila for breakfast.  She still did not know about the harness and I knew it would amuse her.  Lila was early and I wanted a good shower before I started, so I let her walk around and inspect my system.  I felt very strange; this was definitely a new step for me.  I would be harnessed and controlled and locked into the system for 12 hours a day on my own accord, but I always had the leash, which I had not programmed yet.  It was my safety, it would release any cable.  Still it was a very long shower as I decided.

I set the program to start at 9 am that morning.   At 8:55 exactly I felt a shock, the5 minute warning.  I let it go to shock again so she could see (this time on three).  I locked on the cable and I was secured.  We moved around as I unlocked one cable, moving to another.  It was a beautiful summer day and it was going to be hot.  After breakfast we decided to take a long walk around the lake.  I grabbed the leash, locked it in place,and unlocked the cable, as I had done a dozen times before. 

This time it whirred and clicked.  I looked at the screen on the leashes handle which read “program reset in process” itblinked four times and went black.  What the hell is wrong with this thing?”

“It was acting funny when I was playing with it before.  Kept on turning red, green and orange, just like a Christmas tree.  Then it asked for a code and I shut it off.  Wouldn’t stop without it.”

The harness unlocked.  “That’s a relief.  I left this unprogrammed as my safety outlet.  Bad girl Lila.  Not a video game.  Please don’t do that again.”

“Sorry.  Now I don’t get your leash for the walk.  Let’s go anyway.”

Then I got the first jolt.   Lila saw me wince.   Both ankle cuffs erupted with electricity.The remote spoke in its mechanical voice ‘Level 3 warning.  Secure wear not detected, please correct or return to home station.’I entered my code to disable the program.  ‘Incorrect code, please reenter.’Two minutes later I got another, stronger jolt with the same announcement, except it was now a level 4 warning.  “Lila, what the hell did you do?  What code did you enter?”

“I didn’t enter a code, I don’t know.”  She tried some passwords but all the same result, another stronger shock drove me up to the home stationin my bedroom.  I went back up, put on the harness and tried to lock in the cable, but the harness and cable would not lock.

Another stronger shock.‘Level 5 warning.  Secure wear not detected.’ I grabbed the manual and checked the warnings.  It reminded me about the white packages.  I ripped open one which contained a white jumpsuit and two smaller wrapped bundles.  The manual said to put on the suit and then the harness.  I tried it the other way first, I was supposed to be able to wear the harness under my clothing.  ‘Level 6 warning.  Secure wear not detected.’  I tried to put on the jumpsuit but could not close the zipper  in the back.  I put the harness on anyway but it would not lock.  The remote intoned a dry ‘secure wear not fastened’.

“Lila get in here and help me with this god damned suit.”  I was losing my temper  and certainly did not want another jolt.   Even she had a tough time with the fastener.  Finally the zipper was closed and fastened electronically, I put the harness on, and it still did not lock.  ‘Diaper not detected’.  We just stared at each other.  I got half way in to a good “what the fu…” when a near crippling shock hit. ‘Level 7 warning.  Diaper not detected.’ I was on my knees.   Undo the suit.  It was designed to keep patients from removing it; I could not do it on my own.  She made great time but not fast enough for Level 8.

It was intense.  A combination of adrenaline and electricity,agony and a scream that could wake the dead.  I had tears running down my cheeks as I clawed open the two bundles.  One was a packet of ‘adult diapers – extra absorbent’.  

The other was a pair of adult sized plastic pants.  A tag said ‘Press for additional time’.  And it worked.  ‘5 minutes remaining’.   I did not want to try level 9 and would not have stayed conscious on level 10.  I had no choice as I figured out how to put on the diaper.  Then the pants.  Next to the safety button was an electronic clasp.  I tried to close it but it flashed red.  ‘Unauthorized.  Patient cannot self-operate.  Three minutes remaining.’  “Lila, try tightening this.”  She pulled both ends together and closed the latch.  The light turned blue just like the clasp holding the zipper.

I pulled on the jumpsuit and Lila closed it.  Working as fast as I could I put on the harness, and it locked.   I sat on the bed, locked in a cable and lay down, exhausted from the shocks and the stress of the last 15 minutes.  ‘Diaper change successful.  Next scheduled change 8 pm’. 

“What the hell just happened?”

The harness stood out against the white of the jumpsuit.  Lila was trying hard not to laugh at me.  In a sense the harness looked like you might be wearing it for a legitimate purpose.  But the harness and diaper made my ass look huge.  It was then I noticed the reason for the diaper.  The jumpsuit had no opening other than the back.  The harness said it was locked until 8.  The bowels could wait, I already wanted to piss and there was no way to get the suit off with the harness on.

And how was I supposed to get the jumpsuit off if I could not self-operate.  And then the diaper and plastic pants.This was humiliating.  I had to get the cuffs off.  The manual only explained how the harness would lock if I tampered with them and any tampering would result in a maximum shock.  What I needed was an override code for the remote.  Whatever Lila had done had locked us out.  I called the customer support number.  The first person I talked to clearly had no clue, but the second guy had nothing but bad news.

I was not the first customer to get himself in an ‘unwanted situation’.  The company in Germany that manufactured the harness had an emergency code, but it went out of business a year ago and no one returned any phone calls.  He just worked for the American distributor, when the stock was gone, it was gone.  They did not have the software or the code.  If I tried to go to a computer geek, and the remote or leash got tampered with the harness would lock and the cuffs would activate.  I had put on both cuffs.  They were designed for high security prisoners, not for Alzheimer patients.  Patients are supposed to get the vibrations from the harness.  Level 10 shocks are meant to disable a grown man.  He had never heard of the high security package being used with the patient package.  Even if I found someone with the technology to get the cuffs off, it would take so long the shock might do permanent damage.  That is what they were designed for.  He must have said that ten times.

Then more bad news.  He told me how to check the program.  Lila had set everything to maximum security for both patient and prisoner.  It would run 24 hours a day for the next year, the maximum length of the program.  The program was set for two daily cycles, 6 am to 8 pm waking and 8 pm to six am sleeping.  

One of the objects of the secure wear was to prevent disrobing in public.  The jumpsuit and diaper also made sexual stimulation difficult.  The same was even more true with the secure sleepwear.  It was a one piece,just like an infant, with booties and mittens.  The mittens were made so my hand were all but useless, making masturbation all but impossible, as it was designed for.  I could not even work the remote for the tv with the mittens on.  It also had secure clasp on the back so I could not put it on or take it off by myself.  Diapers were required.  The program would detect any tampering with the secure wear.

And yet the news got worse.  The pants, the remote, the clasp on the clothing and the leash could not be ‘self-operated’.  “That is by design, anyone can use the electronics except for the one wearing them.  That’s how you programmed it.  Most people who purchase the secure system use it on someone else.  You seem to be using it for , umm, a different reason.”

I detected more than a bit of a snicker from him.  “Regardless of my reason, are you telling me I can’t get this stupid harness off, I have to wear the jumpsuit or the sleeper, I have to wear a diaper all the time, I can’t leave the house by myself, and I can’t even change my own diapers.  And there is nothing you can do and no one you can suggest to help? I have to live like this for the next year.  This harness makes me look like a fool.”

“They were designed to help the mentally challenged.  The system is just doing what it was designed….”

“Do not say that again.  I have to get this off or reprogrammed, you are responsible and I want some answers.  I cannot go out in public wearing a harness and diapers.  I am going to sue the shit out of your company if I don’t get this thing off today.  And I don’t want to hear any of your fucking explanations.  Are you tooretarded to understand what I am saying”

“Please sir, I understand your frustration but….”

“But fucking nothing asshole.  I want the name of the owner and I want it now.  I should never have wasted my time with some idiot answering the phones on a Saturday.  I need to piss and I am not going to do it in a diaper.”  I had lost all control of the situation, the conversation, and my kidneys.  I could feel the urine flowing into the diaper.  I instinctively reached down but there was nothing to be done.

“Look sir, I have tried to be helpful.  This company is owned by someone in Taiwan, good fucking luck getting in touch with him, the IRS has tried for three years.  The German designers are long gone and I do not care anymore whether you get out of the harness or not.  I am not the retard that signed a release then put himself in an electronic harness and diapers.  You want to be adult baby, I don’t care.  Whatever turns you on?  But unless you have a lot of money and can take a lot of pain, I suggest you go down to the supermarket and buy some fucking pampers, you will need two a day for the next year.  My last paycheck bounced once and I do not need to sit here and listen to some asshole insult me.  If you don’t like the idea of pissing in your diapers I wish I could be there when you finally have to walk around work all day in a baby harness on a leash with your panties full of shit.” 

The line went dead.

“My god, work.  How am I supposed to go to work like this?  Go anywhere like this?”

Lila could not stop apologizing.  “I know a guy who is an absolute techno-genius.  If anyone can reprogram this it’s him.”  That sounded great until I heard where he worked, a computer shop at the mall.  Reluctantly I grabbed the leash to leave.  ‘Patient cannot self-operate’.   I turned to unlatch the cable. ‘Patient cannot self-operate.’  Lila latched the leash on as the cable released.  I picked up the leash. ‘Patient cannot self- operate.’  I walked out the door and got a jolt.  ‘Level 3 warning, exceeding leash boundary.‘A quick check of the manual revealed that on a secure setting I could only move ten feet from where some else last touched the leash.  I did not matter.  Lila took the leash and we went to my car.

It was not a long drive and the mall was crowded with people escaping the heat.  People instantly gave us a stare.  A typical comment came from a ten year old boy “Mommy, what’s wrong with that man?”  We moved as quickly as we could to the computer store.  I remembered back to my days in headgear, but I stuck out much more in a white suit with a black harness.  After several curious stares from clerks Lila’s friend came out.  His amusement was only overcome by his curiosity.  There were no ports for cable inputs and he could not break the code.  He had no idea how to remove any of it. 

I passed an old friend on the way out but did not even stop to talk, too many questions I did not want to answer.  I pissed into the diaper again.

We tried online searches for the German company, for electronic security experts, locksmiths, anyone who we thought could help.  No site had the info I needed.  Lila tried to be positive pointing out I had two weeks to figure it all out.  I had several stiff drinks.  At 7:55 the remote said ‘5 minutes until changing period’.  Then I had to ask Lila a question I never thought I would ever have to ask anyone “Can you help me with my diaper.  I really want to get it off.”  I hooked myself onto the bedroom cable.  At 8 pm exactly the harness opened.  ‘5 minute changing period.’  That was soon to become my favorite expression, it meant I would be clean and fresh smelling, if only for a little while.

She had figured how to easily open the clothing latches and my fresh diaper was soon on.  The rubber pants and suit.  The harness would not lock.  ‘Sleeper not detected.  One minute remaining.’  I opened the package with the sleeper got into it and Lila closed the latch.  ‘Level 4 warning’.  The shock was unpleasant but I was able to put the cable on.  It seemed I could attach cables but could not remove them.  ‘Diaper change successful.  Next changing period 6 am.’  Instantly the cable shortened to 5 feet.  I lay down on the bed and soon found the sleeper was much more restrictive than the jumpsuit.  The mittens made my hands useless.  I could not hold a book, but I could use the remote if I held a pencil in my mouth.  Lila promised to be back by 6 to change my diaper.

I spent the next ten hours trying to plan my best move.  I would have to get a specialist in high tech materials to cut the cuffs off.  Once the shocks stopped I could cut everything else off myself, given enough time.

‘5 minutes until changing period’.  The remote woke me up.  No Lila.  At 6 am the harness unlocked, still attached to the cable.  ‘5 minute changing period.’  But I could not get the sleeper off. ‘Level 3 warning.  Patient cannot self- operate.’   At least the shock level reset at each changing period.  I tried putting the harness on and to my surprise,  I managed to get it done with the mittens on, and it locked.  Problem was I was still in the sleeper and my diaper was already wet.  ‘Sleeper detected.  Next changing period 8 pm.”  I could wear the sleeper all day and night; the jumpsuit could only be worn during the day. 

With the harness locked the cable extended back out to 50’.  Then Lila walked in.  “Let’s get it done”.

“Too late, I had to relock the harness already.  Next changing period is 8 pm.”

“What about the new diaper?”

“Not for 14 hours.”  I let more urine flow into the diaper.  “I’m an idiot.”

It was even hotter than the day before and I was not about to go out with the sleeper on.  I was trapped.  We had breakfast at 8, and by 10 am I could not take the cramps any longer.  I could feel the shit squeezing out of my ass into the diaper.  It was a horrible feeling.  Lila’s words of encouragement did nothing and her idea to ‘get out of the house’ was even worse.  By 8 pm, with lots more piss, I could smell myself and I was sure she could smell it too.  My diaper was full.

“Look, our lease is up next month.  Let Carol and I move in and we can be here for your changings.”

“I don’t want to wear this that long.”  It was that or…what?  I had no choice.

“I know that.  Carol works at General Dynamics.  Her co-worker knows about all of the special materials out there.  He is willing to help.  He has a workshop with a lot of high tech shit, we can go there tomorrow night.  Until then maybe you better use some baby powder, you are getting chaffed.”

Lila put the leash on and we sat on the back porch and had some drinks. 

I made an effort to wake up early and fill the diaper.  I did not want to walk around all day again with it full.  I remembered what the clerk on the phone said about walking around work with a loaded diaper and it scared me.  The humiliation of having to walk into work like this was too much to think about.  To do it reeking like a 1 year old kid.  Some shit came out but by 11 am the diaper was full.

We me Carol’s friend after Lila got home from work.  Once he got over my predicament and unique aroma, he used all sorts of scanners and tools to examine every piece of equipment.  It could be done, but I had to fly to Europe to get it done, but it would cost more than I could afford.  Was it better to wait out a year or put myself in debt for ten.  Then he pointed out that flying was probably out of the question, no way I could get through security.  “Try to find a job you can work from home.”

We rushed to get back to the house for my 8 pm changing. 

It went on like that for the rest of my vacation.  I rarely went out, Lila ran my errands.  I tried talking work into a telecommute but with no luck.  I had to show up or quit.  I went in to all the laughter and stayed at my desk.  Lila would attach my leash to my chair.  People would walk by laughing or just point at me and whisper.  I had no real reason to leave my desk, bathroom breaks were out.  Four months later I found a lower paying job but I could work from home.Carol and me during the day, Lila and I at night and three of us all weekend.

Lila and Carol were very kind in how they treated me.  They helped me with my predicament and did not belittle me.  In fact I saw Carol looking at me in a way Lila never did.  I started waiting more and more for her to come home.  There were only two brief periods during the day where I could get any sexual relief and Carol was getting home just in time for the morning change.

And so it went for the next 11 months.    Each day I became more and more attracted to her and I could feel her getting closer and closer to me, physically and emotionally.  I would masterbate in my 5 minute showers but it was becoming harder to hide my feelings and she could see my dick getting hard as we buried it in the diaper, locking it away for another 14 hours.  One Monday morning she walked into my room 10 minutes early.  I made an effort to keep my diapers pretty clean in the mornings.

That morning she removed her clothes before she took off mine.  I was hard before the diaper was off.  The sex was quick, but it was my first sex with another person in two years and her first sex with a male in ten years.  While ever trusting Lila was at work, Carol and I would talk about what we would do after I was done with the harness.   And how Lila would feel about our having sex.

Two days before the program ended Lila walked in on our morning quickie.  It was an ugly scene as she stormed around the house trying to figure out who she hated more, Carol or me.  In a rage she left for work.  Carol and I both tried to talk to her but she was not interested. 

When Carol woke at 2 from her sleep we decided to take a walk around the lake and figure things out.  The leash was nowhere to be found.  I then looked for the remote. Gone.   I did not need either of them for the short term, but I did not want any other accidents at programming time.  Lila had to have them and she was very mad at me.

When she did not come home that night we were concerned for her, and I wanted the controls back.  She did not answer her phone and no one had heard from her.  The program would end between 9 and 10:30 Saturday morning.  Carol helped me with my diaper and we just waited.  At 10:27 the harness unlocked.   I still needed help to get out of the jumpsuit, but I could take the pants and diaper off by myself.  As I was reaching for the cuffs a jolt hit me.  The cuffs were on a different program.  Once Lila’s program was gone my password would work again.  With the remote I could shut everything down, even the leash.

One minute later the second jolt hit.  I had come to rely on the voice commands.  We had no idea what I needed to do.  It was after the third jolt Lila walked in with the leash.  “Here, have fun.”  She walked out without saying another word.  ‘Level 6 warning you miserable traitorous bastard.  Sleeper not detected.’The leash was yelling at me.

We ran upstairs and went through the changing routine with the sleeper.  The harness did not lock. ‘Level 7 warning asshole.  How does it feel to have only a minute to change your diaper?  Double diaper required.’  We raced through the changing sequence and added a second diaper.  But we were not fast enough.  ‘Level 8 warning.  Now you almost know how it feels to be betrayed, I wish Carol wore some cuffs.’The diapers made everything even more snug as the harness locked. ‘Diaper change successful.  Next changing period 8 am.  You should really stink by then.’

It was going to be a long year.