A Way Out

By

CW Honse

He was reflecting on how he got here and wondering why it had all happened this way. He wasn’t complaining …just yet, for he didn’t yet know the outcome. He was comfortable enough though bound tightly and unable to move. Earlier he had a sharp pain in his gut, but it was gone now. It was quiet…deadly quiet and figured he was still in the basement but wasn’t sure as he was blindfolded and couldn’t see. Funny that he couldn’t remember for sure. He actually couldn’t remember the last thing that Sir had done to him, but that didn’t really matter now. Sir would be back. He knew that it was not unusual for a Sir to leave his Bottom tied up like this for a period of time to teach him humility, respect, or sometimes just because he could. He was new to this world of BDSM, but he was a quick study. He read everything he could get his hands on.

As he reflected on it he remembered now why he had chosen this Sir. “I’ll make sure that you feel all the physical pain that you deserve. All the pain to match the heartache in your soul and then you will know that you have found what you have searched for all your life…a way out.” That’s what Sir had said to him and that is why he was here. Robert could not resist that. Maybe at another time but not right now….not this week….this week he needed something…anything. This week he needed pain to bury his pain and he needed peace. He had made a mess of his life and in just a matter of months. Oh the Internet….

What if Donny had said yes? Would he be here now or would he be with some middle aged housewife realtor signing the papers to put his house on the market. While he was waiting to hear back from him on Monday he had actually looked at real estate companies in the phone book. Just thinking and looking he told himself…just in case….just like the airlines websites he had been to.  He’d put his head down on the desk several times that day and cried and didn’t know why. His life was coming apart at the seams and he did not have the tools to put it back together or even understand why it was happening.

He asked himself straight up was he crying because he was afraid Donny’s answer would be “no” or because he was afraid it would be “yes”. “No” would be an obvious disappointment. “No” would be devastating, but “yes” would be absolutely cataclysmic. Finally he figured that “yes” would mean that he would have to tell his business partner. He would have to leave this relationship of nearly 20 years and he couldn’t think of a way to tell him that didn’t sound completely crazy. He worked on it in his mind running scenarios over and trying them out.

“Oh, David, I’ve met a man, on line, and I’m selling my house and moving to LA.  And by the way I just wanted to let you know so that you could start thinking about how we could separate our holdings”

David would kill him and he’d deserve it. What a major fucking asshole.

On the other hand Robert and David had been partners a long time and David should understand that Robert needed to go and he should help him to do that in an equitable and fair fashion.

He could reason with him and explain the situation to him logically. Except that there was no logic here. He’d rather run away than admit that he was pulling up roots  and leaving for a man that he met “on-line” just a few weeks ago.

Nope…he’d kill him and he’d deserve it.

Maybe Sir wouldn’t come back and maybe he’d just die here in this basement. That would do it. That would solve everything. He wouldn’t have to fret over what to do about Donny in LA or his business partner David or his canary Spike or his gold fish Flow. How pathetic….his canary Spike and his gold fish Flow….now get a grip, Robert. Part of him wished that would happen….that he would never have to leave here and face the partner or the world or the canary and the gold fish. He was a coward who had screwed up his life and would almost rather throw in the towel than face the music.

What was it about Donny? It wasn’t him so much as what happened between them. Oh sure he was a handsome man...if those were really his pictures. It was all of those late night chats and phone calls that bonded them and set them on this course. They had both been shy about it at first and yet once it started it was like that proverbial snowball rolling down the hill…getting larger and larger and picking up speed as it went. Late at night with an entire country lying asleep between their internet lines anything seemed possible for two men searching for their true selves while searching for their other halves. Two men desperately looking for something inside themselves through someone else.

How quickly it escalated. Step by step and piece by piece they coaxed and pushed each other as they stripped their thin veneers of society’s rules. What was underneath was amazing to both of them and when they were done no one they knew would have recognized them. They barely recognized each other or themselves. They had changed from two gay men with fairly common sexual tastes into Dom and Sub into S and m. They were now all about Bondage and Discipline and Pain and Punishment.  They sought Water Sports and Fisting and Forced Chastity. They talked of Punching and Spitting and Verbal Humiliation and finally they talked about outright Slavery and Ownership.

All of this in two short weeks. It was simply amazing how they had perverted themselves.

Then Robert panicked. It wasn’t just the extremes that they had gone to, but there was more. It was the internet and telephone and he had not been honest about his age. He was much older than Donny and Donny now wanted him to come to LA for a “trial weekend”. He shut down all communications. Well not all…for while he would not answer Donny’s e-mails he kept track of when Donny was on line so that every time Donny would come on while he was there he could feel nice and guilty about it. He punished himself for two months. See he did not need Donny to be the dominate force he could inflict the pain on himself …and he did. He suffered something awful.

Finally one night Donny “caught” him in a chat room and sent him and “instant Message”. What to do…he didn’t want to outright ignore him and yet he did…for awhile. Donny asked what he had done wrong. He started begging him for another chance and  Robert could stand it no more. He caved in and spoke to him. He got Donny to agree not to talk about what had happened and they could have a phone conversation. For Robert this was just to hear is voice one last time. He promised to explain all in an e-mail the next day …which he did.

Robert went to great pains to explain that initially it was only about conversation and phone sex and that he had no idea that it would go as far as it did. He told Donny the truth about the age difference fully expecting never to hear from him again. Much to his surprise Donny said it would be alright and he hoped they could talk that night.

Could the Gods be so kind? Where there was only despair, now there was hope.

What Robert had only fantasized about with Donny looked like a possibility and suddenly Robert realized he had to at least start to think about how and when he might be able to move to LA or at least go for a visit to see what the next step might be.

It was a very long day.

It was the day of looking at real estate agencies in the phone book and checking airfares and thinking of ways to dissolve a 20 year partnership and pack up a canary, a gold fish and some recently bought leather gear and head west and at his age…..what a fuckin fool. And now here he was tied up in the basement in the suburbs of DC waiting for Sir to come and smack him around and God knows what else.

What was the damage anyway? He remembered some heavy Tit Torture those were going to be sore for awhile. There was the Flogging and whipping. That one drew some blood. There was the cock and ball torture which he’d rather forget all together. There were clips…they hurt more coming off than going on. There had been some stomach punching. He thought maybe that was where that sharp pain was from a while ago, but the pain was too high, almost up into the chest. He had welcomed the punching because it reminded him of Donny. And of course the electro and hot wax….now that will make a man out of you or make you wanna die.

He had never experienced any of these things before. His voice was weak from screaming.

Sir had forgone the “Sounds” as Robert was too squeamish to have things inserted into his Cock. He would have let Donny, but no one else. The things that Sir put in his Ass more than made up for it. Sir had said “I’ll cut you a break on that one. In the end it won’t matter one way or the other it will still get you to the same place.” He thought Sir had meant something pretty profound, but he had no idea what it might be.

So he was here because of the emotional pain. The pain of Donny explaining that it didn’t matter about the age thing because it was all just a fantasy anyway.  It might have been fine when Robert was avoiding the situation, but in his attempt to sooth Donny he opened up his heart even further and then got a knife stuck in it.  He had found hope and then found that Donny had never had any intention of anything he had said. It was only a fantasy. He couldn’t fault Donny and yet together they had opened doors. Robert had stepped through them and now had no way back and Donny wasn’t on the other side of the door with him.

Well, he deserved it anyway. He was a piece of shit and he deserved that and a lot more and so he went to Washington to get what he deserved. He went to Washington to be punished. How dare he try to find happiness? He didn’t deserve it.

The internet got him into this and it would get him out of it. He searched for a Sadist. He didn’t just want a Sadist, but he wanted the most extreme one that he could find. He wanted to bury himself in REAL pain.

This is what he deserved…what he was getting now….this and a fuckin lot more.

Fuckin slut, whore…..worthless piece of shit.

He heard something…was it Sir?

Yes, it was Sir. He could see him coming down the stairs. He had a large canvass bag thrown over his shoulder and was carrying a substantial looking bag in his other hand. He looked very happy.

WAIT…

HE COULD SEE HIM COMING DOWN THE STAIRS?

He was blindfolded. Yes there he was tied up and blindfolded he could see that as well. Damn he was having some kind of out of body experience. He was pondering that when Sir began to speak.

“I’m back, Garbage” Sir said. “I told you that you’d feel all the physical pain that you deserve….all the pain to match the heartache in your soul. Was it as good for you as it was for me?” Ha Ha Ha

He tried to answer but he could not. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

Sir opened the bag and started to take out power tools and plug them in. One looked like some kind of saw.

Sir said: “I told you that you would know that you had found what you have searched for all your life…a way out. Now it’s over for you, Garbage.”

Something was very wrong indeed…Robert was watching this happen and could not speak. He looked closer at himself lying there tied up and saw that he was not breathing. He was DEAD. Now it started to come back to him. The last things that Sir had done to him…that sharp pain in his stomach…it was all coming back to him, now.

There had been fisting too….

Sir was fisting him and he grabbed hold of his intestines and began to pull them out of his ass. The pain was unbelievable. No wonder he had chosen to forget it. He remembered screaming as Sir pulled and pulled laughing at him as he screamed in his death throws. Had there been an autopsy the cause of death would have been a matter of opinion as several things happened at the same time.

As his bowels were separating from his stomach he was also drowning in his vomit and he was having a heart attack. So it would be a matter of opinion as to which was the actual “cause of death”. Were it up to Robert he would have put on the death certificate “Stupidity” with a secondary cause as “unrealistic expectations”.…contributing factor “inherent dishonesty”.

If he hadn’t expected so much from Donny he wouldn’t have been so stupid as to have gotten into this mess in Washington and of course none of it would have happened had he been honest from the start.

He said he needed pain to bury his pain and he needed peace. Well, sometimes you get what you ask for. He had plenty of pain to forget the pain of Donny and now there would be an eternity of peace for Sir delivered what he had promised. 

He had given him …..

“A Way Out.”