Diary of self torture – I have read about this and have gotten so hot, I decided to try it.  There are 3 sessions.  The first I am completely alone. The idea is to lock myself into some form of self torture with the keys frozen in ice.  I must wait until the ice melts to get free.    In the second and third, a friend, Lori assists as you will see.  She controls the key.

Session One

It is now about 8:30 AM.  I had a bit of breakfast and coffee.  The keys for my cuffs are frozen hard in a plastic cup of ice that is still in the freezer.  I have no idea how long it will take for the ice to melt, but I have decided that is part of the torture. 

I have prepared my special bra.  It is a bit on the small side and very tight.  I put it on first and adjusted it to be as tight as I could.  It has a thin, foam lining.  I pulled the lining out from the outside of the bra and inserted tacks through it, then put it back in.  I hope I haven't overdone it, but I put 12 in each side.  One tack is in the center and designed to pierce my nipple.  Then there are 5 around it that are very close.  They should pierce the area just around my nipples.  Then the other 6 form about 2/3 of a circle that are about an inch out and go around the underside of my breast.

The coffee has worked its way through me and I am going to piss in a pan.  I cut out a small sponge, about an inch and a half square to soak up my piss.  I also have a thick feminine pad that I also intend to use to soak up piss.  I am going to use a ball gag and duct tape to hold it all in my mouth.  My plan is to put the soaked sponge in my mouth first, then push the pad in my mouth and put the ball gag on to push it all further in.  Then I will put duct tape over my mouth so that nothing can escape. 

And here is how I plan to do it all. (I am naked, of course!)  I will get the frozen plastic cup and put it on the floor.  I will put the cuffs on my ankles first.  Then I will put the bra on and pull it as tight as I can stand.  Then I will put the piss soaked sponge and pad in my mouth, put the ball gag in place, and tape my mouth.  I will put the cuffs on one wrist, lay on the floor, loop it through the cuffs on my ankles behind me, and lock the final cuff on my other wrist.  I will be basically in a hogtie position with my feet and hands behind me.

And then I will wait for the ice to melt, and hope that I can get myself out of this.  Also, I have to tell you that my pussy is dripping wet at the thought of this.  I am so horny I can hardly stand it.  But my pussy will have to wait

I started to write this after I got free - around 2:30 - but I was so out of it that I couldn't think straight.  So I took a long bath, got something to eat, relaxed in front of the TV (which I rarely do) and was in bed by 9.

Now, about the experience of self torture.  It was painful, and still is.  Everytime I moved even the slightest, those tacks just seemed to work into me a little deeper.  The tacks that poked directly into my nipples hurt, but soon got themselves into me and they were not the worst.  The ones that were under and around my tits were not the worst either although they caused constant pain.  The ones that immediately surrounded my nipples were the worst.  That is a very tender area, and it seemed that they never got positioned.  They just kept poking at me and torturing me.  Of course, I tried to move to be even slightly more comfortable and that just made them worse.  That pissy taste in my mouth for hours was awful.  It's not like I could swallow it and it would be gone.  It just stayed there.  But my pussy was so wet that there was a puddle on the floor from my juices.  I was so hot and turned on, I could hardly stand it.  My mind bounced between the awful pain and taste, and wanting something to fuck my pussy so badly.  I couldn't even touch myself.  Sheer agony.  And when the ice finally melted enough that I could get to the keys, the thought occurred to me that maybe I wouldn't be able to get the key positioned to unlock myself.  But I did.  And I have to admit, that before I got into that warm bath, I grabbed my vibrator and gave myself one of the biggest orgasms in a while - actually, more than one.

And now, after having a good night's sleep, what do I think of it?  It was sheer agony, but the hottest and most erotic agony I have ever known.  I can't wait to try it again with some other variation.  Maybe I can try the idea of gluing sand to a dildo and leaving it inside me.  I'm sure that I would move around and the result would be that I would scrape the sand inside myself in an effort to fuck myself at the same time.  I also thought of putting tacks into something that would go between my legs.  I am definitely ready to try it again.  Am I sick or something?

Session Two

I am starting to write this Sunday night, but may not get it finished.  I just want to go to bed and go to sleep.  Anyway, Lori and worked out this deal where I would put the key to my cuffs just inside my front door no later than 1:00 PM on Saturday.  I would have myself locked up in some way by then.  She would stop by, make sure I was locked up, then take the key and go shopping.  She didn't want to make any decisions on what I would do, but she would make sure that I was locked up, and stay that way for a good long while.  I would have no idea when she would return.  You know how women are about shopping.  And Lori can go for hours and hours, and sometimes not even buy anything. 

So I spent Saturday morning getting myself and everything ready.  My pussy was so wet, it was running down my leg while I was getting ready - I didn't have much on - actually nothing.  I had managed to get the sand covered dildo in my pussy for a few minutes the other day.  It was really rough, but I decided this would be a part of it.  I thought about putting an enema in me and then a butt plug, but I want to find out more information about the long term effects if you leave an enema in you, so I decided to just use a butt plug.  I would also pull my hair back and tie a rope to it.  More on that later.  I wanted to make a change on the bra, but had trouble deciding what to do.  I added several tacks to each side around the nipple area.  I put them in so that they would poke into the base of my nipples.  I was ready, and it was about noon.

I have a coffee table and I had decided to tie my ankles to the legs to spread them apart.  That put my feet about 3 feet apart.  I was on my knees, with my ankles behind me, spread apart and tied to the legs of the coffee table (it's rather heavy and hard to move, but that really didn't matter).  I put the sand covered dildo in my pussy by spreading it open with my fingers and carefully working it in - all the way in.  It was really rough as I moved around, but it also felt good to have something in my pussy.  I lubed the butt plug with my pussy juices and pushed it in my ass.  I could feel it pushing inside against the back of my pussy which pushed it harder against the dildo.  Then I put the bra on.  As I adjusted it, the extra tacks stuck into the sides of my nipples at the base.  It hurt like hell, but I was determined.  I tied a 15 pound weight to the rope that was tied to my hair, and laid the weight on the table behind me.  Then I put the piss soaked sponge and pad in my mouth again, put the ball gag on to hold it all in, and duct taped my mouth.  Then I put on one of these masks that people wear to filter the air that they breathe.  It is sort of cupped shaped and goes over the mouth and nose.  But I had soaked it in the toilet after I had shit and pissed.  I would have to breathe that smell as well.

Then came the part that I hoped would work as I had planned.  I pushed the weight off the back of the table that was connected to my hair.  It was time to lay forward on the floor and cuff and lock my hands to a chain in front of me that was connected to a stationary column in the room.  I reached behind me to pull the rope and lift the weight off the floor while I lay forward on my stomach.  When I was on the floor, the tacks were pushing into my tits something awful, but I persisted.  I had to let go of the rope, and I now had 15 pounds pulling on my hair and pulling my head up and back.  I stretched out for the chain and it was perfect.  I could just reach it.  I put a cuff on one wrist and locked it.  Then I put it through the ring on the chain and locked it to the other wrist.  I was already in agony, and Lori hadn't even arrived to pick up the key, which I could not now reach anyway because it was by the door.  It was a little before 1.

I laid there on the floor with my head and hair being pulled back by the 15 pound weight, my legs were tied to each leg of the coffee table, and my hands were stretched out in front of me and locked to the chain that was connected to the column.  Having my head pulled back put more pressure on my tits against the floor.  I also realized that having my hair pulled constantly was going to add to my agony.  My senses raced from one thing to another.  The taste of the piss in my mouth was awful, but nothing new.  But with each breath, I inhaled the smell of shit and piss into my lungs.  There was no escape.  Having a dildo in my pussy felt very nice, but as soon as I tried to move my pussy muscles to try and enjoy it, the sand rubbed viciously against the inside of my pussy.  The butt plug made it even tighter.  Oh yes, I had also put on some very tight support panties to make sure they both stayed in me.  So there was no way I could try to work either of them out of me. 

One o'clock came and went, and Lori didn't come to get the key.  It still laid by the door, far from my reach, but why hadn't she come.  I couldn't get out of this without her.  Two o'clock came and went - no Lori.  Finally, close to 3, she arrived.  She came in and said she wanted to take a look at me.  I was thinking that maybe I had been in this long enough and wondering how I could tell her to just let me loose.  She just shook her head and told me I was nuts, but probably having some kind of sick, perverted fun.  All I could do was nod my head a little and grunt.  She looked me all over, then stepped on my back, working my tits harder into the floor.  I grunted and groaned.  Lori told me that she could never put all this on me, but since I had done it, I must be enjoying it and she was just trying to help.  She put her foot between my legs and pushed, working the dildo in my as it scraped inside of me.  I had told her about it.  I grunted and moaned some more.  She pulled on the rope and said I needed more weight.  Lori knows where I keep weights and went and got another 10 pounds and added it.  My neck was already getting stiff and sore.  She checked again, then went and got 10 more pounds and added it.  It was pulling hard on my hair, enough that it was almost starting to relieve pressure on my tits.  But I said almost.  Lori noticed that as well and said that would never do.  She went to my garage and found a block of wood at least 2-3 inches thick.  She lifted me up and put it under my tits to help mash the bra into them.  I tried to make some noise but all I could do was grunt and groan.  She said that from my sounds, I must really be enjoying this. 

Just one more thing and she would be off to do some shopping.  She left and I could tell that she had gone to use my bathroom.  After a few minutes she returned.  She had seen what I had done with the mask, and she took it off of me, saying that it appeared to have started to dry out.  She took into the bathroom, and when she returned, she had filled it with her fresh shit soaked in piss and water.  She put it back on me.  The shit pressed against the duct tape on my mouth, and was right under my nose.  It was awful.  Then she picked up her purse and the key, walked out the door, saying she would see me later. 

Lori was gone, and the key was with her.  I was in sheer agony in more ways than I could count, but I was also so turned on I could hardly stand it.  I was inhaling the smell of shit that was less than a quarter inch from my nose.  I was sucking on a piss soaked sponge and pad with a ball gag in my mouth, and tape covering it.  My hair was being pulled with 35 pounds of weight and straining my neck.  My tits, and especially my nipples were like a pin cushion with tacks stabbing away at them.  My pussy was filled with a nice large dildo, but being rubbed more than raw with the sand that was firmly glued to it.  And finally, a butt plug that kept my asshole stretched, and pushed the back of my pussy even harder against the rough sand on the dildo. I wondered what might happen if she was in an accident and didn't return.

The pain was working on my brain until I finally realized that I was tolerating it (as if I had a choice).  And I suddenly found myself wondering what else I might have done, or what I might do different the next time.  What more could I do?  Then I realized that I must be the sickest, wierdest, woman on the planet to do this, and then want more.  Meantime, I could tell that my pussy had soaked the panties I had on, and the juices were beginning to make a puddle on the floor.  I also worried a bit about when Lori would return, even though I trust her implicitly.  Everytime I even flinched a muscle, it hurt.  The tacks would poke a little harder, the dildo would grind a little more.  The constant taste and smell were horrible, but maybe they were a bit intoxicating as well.  Time passed slowly, then quickly, then slowly again.  My bladder was getting full and I was going to have to piss.  If I couldn't hold it, all I could do was let it go and then lay in it.  It started getting dark.  Oh yes, Lori took the clock from my view when she left. 

Then I heard a car in the driveway and thought I would finally be free from this.  Lori came in and said she wanted to check on me.  I tried to let out a groan that said I was long overdue to be set free.  She just said it looks like I am still enjoying myself, and sounds like it, too.  I groaned some more.  She just said she was glad to hear that I agreed.  She looked around and said she was surprised that I hadn't pissed yet, but since she was here, she would try to save making too much of a mess.  She went in my bathroom and got one of my very thick bath towels.  She folded it up to be very small and about 6 inches thick, then lifted one of my legs and shoved it under my pussy and between my legs.  Of course, as she lifted, the dildo really ground into me, and when she pushed the towel between my legs, the dildo was rammed into me hard.  Oh, that hurt!!!  I let out the loudest groan I could.  She just said that she was glad I liked that idea.  She had picked up a guy at the mall, and they were going out for dinner and drinks.  He was waiting in the car outside.  And she would be back sometime later to check on me again.  I tried to shake my head no, but couldn't move it.  I grunted some more.  But as she left, she said that she was so glad to know that I had found a way to experience the pain that I had long wanted but she couldn't give me directly.  I heard the car leave.

I knew that if she was out with a guy, it was no telling when she might be back.  But as I lay there in pain and agony, I still couldn't help but think about what else I could do the next time.  I finally had to piss, but then realized that my pisshole was pinched shut by the dildo and the butt plug.  My bladder was hurting.  I didn't care if I pissed and laid in it on the wet towel, but I needed to relieve myself.  Finally, I managed enough pressure and painful movement to relieve myself to some degree.  The night was long.  Then I began to see a bit of daylight, but no Lori.  However, it wasn't very long before Lori showed up.  I can only guess that it must have been around 5 or 6 on Sunday morning.  She was still drunk, and a mess.  I could tell that she had just thrown her clothes back on.  She mumbled something about what a great fuck he was.  She couldn't believe that one guy could cum so many times and so much.  As I anxiously waited for her to release me, she just stumbled into my bedroom and fell across the bed and passed out.  I tried to make as loud of a noise as I could, but there was no waking her.

I couldn't believe that I had endured this for so long.  But I also couldn't believe how much I craved it and was looking forward to the next time, and what else I could do.  By now, I had been thinking of some other ideas and wondering how I might pull them off.  Could I sit and straddle a sling that was laced with tacks?  Could I fill myself with an enema and then plug my ass so that I had to endure the cramps for hours on end?  And what else could I do to my pussy?  Then there were my tits, and even my mouth and nose.  Many of these things had been going through my mind.  Finally, Lori woke up.  It was about noon.  She wandered into the room, looked at me, and said, "Oh, I see that you are still locked up.  Hope you have been enjoying yourself.  I guess maybe I should unlock you for a while.  As she came around so I could see her better, I could tell that she was covered with dried cum.  It was in her hair, on her face and her tits.  Juices were still oozing from her pussy.  But she said that we should do this slowly.

So, first, she lifted the weights that were pulling my hair and head back.  My head fell forward until I realized that it also made my tits fall harder on the tacks in the bra and the wooden block was still there.  OUCH!!  She untied the rope from my hair, but my hands were still locked.  Then she removed the mask, the ball gag, and the stuff from my mouth.  As she took them out with her hands, she made faces and said that she didn't like touching this stuff with her hands, but since they had been in my mouth, she guessed it wouldn't be too bad, and besides, I could lick them off if my mouth was clean.  But then, it probably wasn't.  I started to speak, but she told me to be quiet if I wanted free.

Then Lori said that before she unlocked me, there was something else that she needed.  She spread my arms apart a little and sat between them.  She lifted my head up, and slid herself under me, and told me to lick her pussy clean.  This would be a joy compared to what had been in my mouth.  Unfortunately, this caused me to move back and forth, grinding my tits into the tacks even more, and my pussy being rubbed even more with the sand.  Once I got my tongue in her pussy, I couldn't believe how much cum was still in her.  I pulled back just enough to ask her if this was only one guy, and she just told me to shut up and get busy.  As I cleaned her, I think she had 2 orgasms, but I really didn't care to count.  I licked and sucked everything out of her and she decided to unlock the cuffs. 

As I slowly got up and started to slowly remove the bra, I saw that the tacks were embedded in me almost their full length.  It hurt badly as each of them pulled out.  Lori got me some alcohol to put on them to prevent any infection.  It burned like crazy, but was necessary.  There was a little dried blood but nothing else - I was surprised.  She helped me untie my legs, then I removed the panties and the butt plug.  The dildo hurt like hell, but I knew it was also going to be tough to remove it.  Lori told me I was on my own with that.  I tried to spread my pussy apart and ease it out.  Trying to get it out without rubbing myself any more was impossible.  Finally, I just accepted the pain, and worked it out as best as I could.  I had a little bleeding, but not as much as thought I might have. 

When I was done, Lori asked me what I thought.  I told her it was definitely the most painful experience I have ever had, but it was also one of the most erotic turnons I have ever had.  She said she was sorry if she did anything wrong or pushed me too far.  I told her she did great, and that she was the only person in the world I would trust to do this at this time.  She asked me if I thought I would do it again and I told her absolutely.  Even though I was hurting so bad right then, I was also very turned on and horny, and actually wished I could be fucked to about 5 or 6 orgasms.  She said she could help.  She went and got one of my vibrators, let me lay back on the bed, and just enjoy it while she fucked me with it.  She lightly kissed and licked my tits while she was fucking me.  My pussy hurt like hell, but it felt so good to have something just sliding in and out.  I don't know how many orgasms I had, but I finally told her that was enough for now.  We both fell asleep on the bed for a few hours until it was Sunday night.

I started this then, but couldn't finish it.  It is now Monday morning, Lori went home last night.  And I am beginning to think about my next torture. 

Session Three