THE VENTRILOQUIST

(Or, “Which one’s the Dummy?”)

 

Okay, like, I don’t know why it happened, but it was fuckin’ weird, man. I was sitting in the lounge of  Texas Tommy’s Boi-Toi Ranch, when they got an outcall for a “Big strong, hustler”. As Mickie at the desk said, they wanted the biggest boy there, ALL OVER.

 

Next to “Detroit Half-Smoke” Willard, who’s been visiting his mom back in Florida, I’m the biggest boy…and the longest here at the Boi-Toi Ranch.

 

Mickie also said they’d pay double the hourly rate for an all-nighter, and I was all up with that. Two bills an hour is my usual rate, and four hundred dollars an hour times 9 p.m. to 9 a.m. is…uh, well it’s a lot.

 

And the client was Sterling Fogg, the old guy who’s been doing the “Sterling and Miranda Show” on Channel Twelve, Jesus, since I was a kid. Yeah, you know Miranda, she’s his whaddyacallit, his manikin?

 

Or his dummy… and he’s a vegernarian or a ventriloquist, whatever. Fogg throws his voice into Miranda, which is this wood doll? Dressed up sexy like Marilyn Monroe with big bazooms and a short skirt, long legs, she has hands with a red manicure, all that jazz.

 

Yeah, they always made my folks and I laugh our asses off, the Miranda doll was always like, insulting Fogg, and she’s  in a different outfit alla time, one week a tiny bikini, the next a sexy jumper dress… on the Bob Hope show she wore a lace teddy nightdress!

 

That was the one where Miranda’s cheating on Sterling Fogg with Bob Hope while he’s sitting there! Not screwing, that would be impossible, but she kisses Bob Hope while Sterling Fogg looks the other way…oh it killed us, it was so funny.

 

My father used to get a boner looking at Miranda, I remember that… a wood doll? Friggin’ pervert. And Pop threw ME out of the house when I was fifteen because I was  a fag! Least they’re human beings!

 

So I jumped in the cab and ran over to one of those swell mansions up in the Hollywood hills. When I knocked on the door, a maid let me in and sent me upstairs Nice place, by the way…

 

I was real excited about getting Fogg’s autygraph and all, and I knocked on his door, and I heard his voice, just like when he and Miranda were on the show and on “Hollywood Squares” pleasant as you please. “Do come in!”

 

So I walk in and there’ s Sterling Fogg, sitting with Miranda on his knee. But get this! Miranda is dolled up in a leather miniskirt and a tight leather top that shows the top of her boobs, the you know, cleavage.

 

And the blonde hair-wig is tied up in a sexy bun toppa Miranda’s head. And in her one hand, glued on it, is a short whip with three tails about a foot long each.

 

“Good evening young man” Miranda says, her hinged jaws opening the bright red lips. You can’t see Fogg’s mouth move, neither. “I’m Miss Miranda, and you are…?”

 

“Uh, I’m Jimmy Appleseed.” That’s the name they give me at the Boi Toi Ranch.

 

“Greetings Jimmy. This is Slave Sterling.” Miranda says. And God’s truth, Sterling Fogg gets all red. “My slaveboy has disappointed me tonight, and I have been wanting to give him condign punishment, a chastisement unlike the usual.” I swear Miranda’s looking at me.

 

“Right, um, Miss  Miranda.” Boy, I earn my green, don’t let anyone tell you different.

 

“Normally, I would punish Sterling myself…I’ll show you how.” Then Sterling Fogg says “No, please, Miss Miranda, Mistress, please don’t show him.” Fogg’s a fat little guy in spectacles, and he begins pleading with the dummy on his knee. “Please, the boy is a complete stranger.”

 

“Shut your mouth, Sterling!” Miranda says. “And unzip your fly and show us your pathetically shameful slug.” Miranda says to me. “I imagine you’ve seen your share of genitalia, Jimmy, but this one will revolt you.”

 

Finally Sterling Fogg stands up, still holding Miranda from the back, and unzips his pants and pulls out his dick, which is really hard, but, like the doll said, is small and pitiful looking. “Now, Jimmy…you will see how I punish him.”

 

And I’ll be goddamned if Sterling Fogg don’t pull some kinda string in the back of the Miranda dummy, and her little hand swings up and down—the one with the whip, just landing that whip again and again across Fogg’s dick!

 

And the whip really does land on Fogg’s dick hard, he must’ve rigged it so the hand swings it hard, or the whip is made of somethin’ nasty. He had real nasty marks when the doll was finished.

 

Then Miranda says to Sterling Fogg, who is crying a little bit. “Poor baby” And I see that Fogg is manipulating Miranda’s left long leg so it is rubbing against his dick a little bit.

 

I asked for a drink then, and Miranda ordered Fogg to make me a Cosmopolitan, and he did, his dick bouncing up and down as he hands it to me. He hadda put Miranda down, and then she’s just laying there, but before she seemed almost alive.

 

Finally, Fogg picks up the doll again and Miranda says, “ Although this cock-whipping is helpful for making Slave Sterling realize the pathetic creature that he is, I’ve decided he needs more severe punishment!” Sterling Fogg, as I live and breathe, is staring at Miranda’s wooden tits, and drooling on them.

 

I wanted to tell the guy, why don’t you just strip the doll down and hump it if you want? Don’t let it tell you you need to be punished! What the hell? But I think about all that moolah and I shut up.

 

Sterling starts arguing with the doll again. “Miss Miranda…don’t, please don’t do what you planned…I’m not gay, I can’t stand this…oh, please.”

 

He bites his lip, and Miranda says emphatically, “You get no choice. I want you to strip naked for Jimmy here, and give him the big razor strop.”

 

“Can’t we just hire a female to do this to me at least?” At this point, Sterling is weeping really hard, and he gets on his knees in front of the doll, his dick real hard. He is holding the doll up with one hand, on the chair while kneeling in front of it. I wished I had a whole barrel of Cosmopolitans.

 

I’m as queer as a three-dollar bill, but I admit Miranda is one hot looking doll, looks like Marilyn Monroe, and a little bit like Madonna…but it’s a doll, for Chrissake!

 

“I gave my order, and I advise you to follow it, Sterling.”  The doll has spoken. So Sterling gets up and takes off his nice little suit, strips off everything, and then goes and gets this mean looking razor strop like my Dad used to use on me when he found me looking at Blueboy magazine.

 

Sterling hands me the razor strop. Then Miranda’s voice comes from the dummy, though since Sterling ain’t holding her, the mouth don’t move.

 

 “Now, Jimmie, I want you to order Sterling onto the bed, and I want you to give him thirty lashes…No, give him more. On top of our fee, I’ll give you twenty dollars for every stroke you land on Sterling…go to it!”

 

So I grin and point to the bed, and Sterling begins crying, and the old guy lays on the bed, and I begin thrashing his skinny little ass.

 

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! As I hit him, the voice keeps coming from Miranda, though Sterling is crying real hard. You’d never know she wasn’t real.

 

I was worried at one point, because Sterling Fogg’s wrinkly little ass was bleeding from me hitting him with the  strap. He  was crying into the pillow, and there were all kinda marks on him.

 

“Don’t worry, Jimmy!” the doll says gaily. “He’s just shamming. You should see how he screams when I whip him with my bedroom slipper, and sometimes I chase him naked around the block!”

 

Yeah, I would pay to see that one, all right!

 

“But if you’re tiring of using the strop, there’s a cane and several paddles in the closet!” The doll goes on and on, and I use all kinds of stuff on his ass.

 

Finally Miss Miranda tells me to ring for the maid, who comes in the room, and acts like she takes orders from a wood doll every day, with an old man with marks  all over him. I was worried that the maid might call the cops on me, but Miss Miranda tells the maid not to worry, and—I kid you not—to clean the room and take Sterling out and put him in a diaper!

 

When Sterling comes back inna room he’s wearing a bonnet and diaper…and it all gets weirder!

 

“Are you pouting, Sterling? Take down his diaper and give him a few more with the bullwhip in the back of the closet, Jimmie!”

 

“Now, Sterling, thank Master Jimmy for his correction of you! Thank him after each lash of the strop, or things will be worse for you, sir!”

 

WHACK! “Thank you Master Jimmie, for thrashing me, sir!” WHACK! “Thank you for thrashing me, Sir!” I musta hit him fifty times, and then the doll tells Sterling to get off the bed and pay me for the whipping, and it’s more than a thousand dollars.

 

“You’ll get your other envelope tomorrow morning, for the evening’s fee, later Jimmy!”

 

“Thanks Miss Miranda!” I don’t even notice Sterling Fogg…the doll is in charge, man!

 

“Now, Sterling, I want you to service Jimmy’s cock! I want you to suck him to orgasm five times…and while you’re doing that, I want Jimmy to remove my outfit and kiss my body!”

 

Jeez, I bet Dad would take this job…he always wanted Miranda. Sterling is crying and begging. “But…but you’ve never let me touch or kiss your naked body…it’s been thirty years together, Miss Miranda.”

 

And then the doll laughs, but the mouth don’t move, because Sterling ain’t touching her. Just his feminine voice. “I want a real man to kiss me, Sterling…and even though Jimmy is probably homosexual, he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be!”

 

As I ripped off the dummy’s clothes and began kissing the curved wooden breasts, painted bright pink with little strawberries on the end, I felt the old man sucking my cock, he was crying on my shoes, but really,  I didn’t mind…I almost liked kissing Miss Miranda, as well.

 

 “Look, Sterling, I’m sucking her clit!” I screamed down as I  licked the painted pubic area between the doll’s legs. He cried…what a weird ass evening!

 

I could go into the rest…after I came in Sterling’s mouth five times, the wooden doll ordered him to drink my piss, and put on makeup and a wig, and then I had to whip him again…and at some point, Miranda told me to bind and GAG  Sterling and just talk to her…and she gave me a nice conversation!

 

Talk about throwing your voice!