Björk Gudmundsdóttir fan gift day : faked IQ

After shared reflexion, Björk came to the conclusion that her new "fan gift day" could be about something else than sex. Sex remind the best thing, the one thing that drive her nuts and make her think, but there's more to life than this. "Who knows, maybe some people care about my thoughts...", suggest to herself a deliriously naive Björk.

Inquiries from fans for the first edition of the "fan gift day" are rapidly flying in the Office of Elektra records. Most are too ridiculous to even be considerate : "I would like Björk to marry me!", "I want Björk to collaborate with Micheal Jackson", "What about a porno movie soundtrack for a movie in which she plays a bimbo singer?", "Björk in playboy under the title 'A pixie that just want to be a pussy!' ", "Björk should do an album all by herself", etc.

Thinking of giving up, Björk team is starting to receive more interesting, realistic suggestions and wishes : " I would be happy if Björk accepted to act like a 2 years old for a whole year. Seeing my favourite icelandic singer limited to her child side would make me love her even more! It's what she does best, no?, "My fav singer exposing her personal diary or most private thoughts for several hours, in a series of features would be nice., Doing an album in collaboration with me. I just bought these music softwares. Anybody can use them.", "Limit yourself to singing children music written for by real musicians", "Let your instinct control your mind. My inquiry is abstract, but i'm sure you know what i mean. You're almost there anyway..", "Realise your fans music ideas", "Show your fans what you've got in the head. You're a strong, independant woman who have a lot of new ideas? Then, your IQ is probably really big! Several fans signed this paper to see Björk take several tests. The results should be sent to all the postal adresses bellow. We expect the best results, nothing less. Björk is a genius!"

The last letter was the choice. Close second was the one year contract limiting the small woman to the intellect of 2 years old. Björk herself, really loved the idea of being infantilised. Isn't that ironic?

Soon, the most respected specialists were hired to analyse the way Björk's intellect worked. Several new innovative technologies were used. Taking care of impossible tasks like evaluating the level of creativity, concentration in the best possible situations, these techniques could really nailed down the quality of Björk most talked about, but little known cells.

The regular IQ tests, were then used as a back up tool, just in case something went wrong with the hi-tech ressources. Taking all the tests, answering all types of questions about all human discoveries, Björk really did it all to please her fans.

Björk brain

After several delays dominated by heavy doubts, all of the scientists came to the conclusion that the final results were ready and impossible to deny. Björk was invited to look at them. Unconfortable, confused, the cast of the labo looked at a smiling Björk with scared, deeply serious eyes. "Sooo....Björk? Ugh! Ugh! Weeee have created a com...pl...ee...t pro...ugh! ugh! analyse of your brain. Here-it-is" ; then the malaise of the intelligentsia caused by the extreme truths was liberated with a video...

"Björk's brain is a mistake of nature! Everything about it is wrong!! The blood circulation throught the cells is painfully slow. The paths taken by any kind of information in this brain are overly complicated, long and completly irregulars ; nothing even make sens about them. The space between the cells is so thin that it often block the blood and create deep and expansive (getting worst with the age) thought interruptions. These interruptions are also encouraged by a natural lack of electrical flow in the brain. All human brains got a minimal set of features like a steady electrical flow, cells of a certain size, regular activation of all parts in the brain, a pro-active frontal lobe, and a superior overall weight. Björk's brain doesn't have any of these features!! Instead, it work by accident. Occasional electrical shocks provocate some kind of thought that the subject can't really be aware of. Uneven cells (some are too broken to work, others are half-functional, but most are just plain absent) can allow a few parts of the brain to work. It's why several Björk's brain sections have never been activated and never will be. On a certain level, all of these problems could be covered by a superior frontal lobe capacity. Unfortunatly, the frontal lobe examinated (in all kinds of activities), is rarely activated and when it is, it's accidental, totally random. The worst caracteristics are related to the brain weight which is much lighter than normal human brains. Near the status of a gorilla intellect, Björk is obviously "the dumbest human being on earth." The fact that this woman is able to talk and read is some wonder! Somehow, Björk was able to push her "habilities" to the maximum."

Completly pissed off, angry and out of control, Björk screamed the loudest way possible, like a wild gorilla, to show her frustrations."You got to have the worst jokes ever in your field!!" Call me when you have something to tell me...", she replicated to people so convinced of their studies that they just couldn't even think seriously of calling back Björk ; talking to this "person" was not serious anymore, for any rational human being.

To calm her down, friends directed her to toward the IQ tests, the old fashion tools.

For the first test, based on 10 mathematics questions, 10 sciences questions, 7 langages questions and 3 general knowledge questions, Björk got 0/30. For the second test, based on 5 mathematics questions, 10 sciences questions, 10 langages questions and 5 general knowledge questions, Björk got 0/30. For the third, test, based on opened, creative questions, Björk was penalised for writting too much incoherent giberish, and ended up at -30/30. It was a new low for this exercise given to young childrens for basic knowledge evaluation. The average for this test was 20/30. For a fourth test, based on general logic, Björk was described as having "no logic at all", a status that the test creators only added to complete the "perfectly logic" grade! And it goes on...

Björk brain?

Thinking of an organised manipulation, Björk called up for new examinations of her intellect, by other people, with the previously, voluntarary avoided values for "concentration", "creativity" and the new option "social status according to your brain quality". All IQ tests were avoided this time. Björk wouldn't want to go through all this work again. So sure that the next results would be the "good ones", Björk accepted to send the soon-to-come statistics about her mind to her fans.

"Björk's brain got the most inferior quality for a human being. It can barely handle education, any sort of intellectual work, thinking with an obvious direction. Switched on and off like a bad electrical installation, Björk's brain is always unsure, painfully slow and pretty useless. Like the primitives, monkeys and gorillas, Björk is a curious, intriguing creature, but "it" share only a few things with real evolved humans. The thing that make it talk and read is the nature of the active cells. The thing that make it lack any sens of rythm and physical hability, confort (Björk is known for touching herself almost continuously like she's been giving her body for the first time and is unsure whether or not it fits : http://www.anecdotage.com/index.php?aid=1947), out of goofy walk and dance, is the damaged cells. These same cells are healty in most animals heads. Somehow, Björk is smarter than most animals. Somehow, she is dumber. Her concentration is the one of a senil goldfish ("She can't sit still. She has the attention span of a senil goldfish." already recognised a hotpress journalist). Her creativity can only be imitation. With this brain quality, the subject should be retrograded to a domestic pet. We strongly recommend, that the subject is keep caged in the labo for further science developpements : Björk might be the first known case of human devolution."

Destroyed, just like her friends of the past and fans of the past by the news, Björk nearly got a nervous breakdown. Then, she heard that the first examinations and all the IQ tests results have been published by Icelandic governement in newspapers. "We've been convinced by arguments of several specialists : the world most retarded human lifeform (it just can't be called a person anymore) is icelandic and is a celebrity! It can look like negative press for our country, but it's not. Björk can make a great freak of nature. This thing will attract several tourists and make Icelandic famous!", written out the president of Iceland.

Too dumb to notice that you fake it

Hiding herself to keep people from capturing the nut case, Björk rapidly lose all her fans, friends. It became a fact of life that Björk was a laughable curiosity. So much that Björk herself slowly started to think that it might be true : "The fact that i don't realise it, only prove it."

Years later, now sure of the exceptional, abnormal low IQ that guide her, Björk figure out something for the first time in her entire life : she've been totally dominated by her smart friends. Her IQ has been faked, built from A to Z. It took the medical approach to break the illusion.

Björk now remember real interventions of her intellect in the past. It's the opposite of the famous Björk : "My lovers are friends before all. Friends I can sleep with from time to time. I have never asked myself too many questions." (lesinrockuptibles ) , "If a doctor would measure me, he would think I would have to have sex three times a day." (details of 1995), "Luckily I'm so stupid that I don't realise why. The only way I can explain it is that I was in the right place at the right time." (smashhits), "Don't blame me, I'm just an idiot foreigner." ( dotmusic ), "I'd be lying if I wouldn't admit that I realized in a lot of things I'm a bit, sort of, stupid and slow. And it takes me about, kind of like, 10 years later than my fellow girlfriends in, kind of like...finding out about certain things, and...I would basicly say that, you know, I'm a bit, sort of stupid and a bit sort of slow, you know, and... I think it's lot to do with my...inability to..take in and learn about things with my brain. I kind of have to do it with my senses, is kind of all I got, really. And when you do things like that it takes ages, you know. And I, for example #like#, no way I can drive a car. I had a car for one year and I think I crashed it, sort of…twice a month. And it's just to clever for me, you know, it's got no logic for me ." (s wedishtv)

Björk suddenly remember the recent deterioration of her brain, after a memory blockage during a few years (the thought interruptions problem is getting worst with the age) :

"And your reading just goes down the toilet. You start off reading highly spiritual, good-for-the-brain things and by the end I'm just reading about fucking and sex orgies." (Q, 1994), "You can have like a sex orgy with dogs." ( sodamag), "It's not meant to be a strife, it's not meant to be a struggle uphill you're trying too hard, surrender, give yourself in, you're trying too hard, you're trying too hard [...], it's warmer now lean into it, unfold in a generous way, surrender, surrender, undo" (Björk "Undo", from "Vespertine" - 2001), "i am strong in his hands, i am beyond me, on my own i'm human, and i do faults [...], i turn myself in, i give myself up, volunteer, you own me : i'm yours, you have to trust it, i'm eternally yours, all that i gave them, i gave to you, so needy of comfort, but too raw to be embraced, undo this privacy, and put me in my place." (Björk "Generous Palmstroke", from Vespertine - 2001) .

True Björk = brainless bimbo

All of her fans of the past don't even remember the name Björk when the animal decide to reinvent itself as the "brainless bimbo singer". Happy with the commercial sucess, it can't see that all the people that hated the previously-thought human for so long are laughing at the freak. Doing everything in their power to provocate Björk exposure, they transform a sex object into a professionnal humiliating jokes subject for talk-shows. Being seen by law as public domain with no human or even animal rights, Björk is kept naked and humiliated all day long. She's asked questions like these : "So, what do you want to do with your life, brainless?", "Do you know how to think?", "Do you like to be dumb?", "We've heard that you almost accepted to live like a 2 years old for a whole year. Science tells us now, that it would be a step forward for you?", "So, you are useless isn't it so?". She's answering, smiling and proud of her status : "I dunno anything. I would love to fuck you now.", "mmm... I dunno anything :)", "Do you think it's good to be dumb? It would really help me to have your advice. Because, i dunno...", "It's too hard to act like a 2 years old. I'm not that evolved :)", Björk then giggles like the biggest slut, "Yeps!! I'm completly useless :) This is all i know...I can't understand the 101 uses for a Björk videos. This is stupid. Not like me, but...I'm sorry, my brain is dead now."

This document is 100% approved by a senil goldfish attention span Björk Gudmundsdóttir :

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