Note

This is satire, OK? if you are looking for serious porn read something else, no body gets raped, no body dies, no one is underage, its just an ornery story of life in Hicksville USA

Fuckaroolie Time Kansas Style.

"Hi, you are Ludmilla, right?" John Waldron greeted her as she stepped down from the greyhound bus with her luggage, her long blonde hair shining in the hot Kansas sun, her blue eyes holding him in a steely gaze, her ruby lips moist and inviting, her graceful legs, "I'm John, they call me Pa and this my son John who we call John boy and this is Annie and Horst and."

"I'm Jenny Lavine," she said, "I guess maybe you have me confused with someone else."

"You are Waldron right, you have my money?" the girl behind with her dirty blonde hair wearing a boiler suit and gum boots with dirt under her finger nails asked.

"Why yes," John agreed sadly  "I'm John, they call me Pa and this my son John who we call John-boy and this is Annie and Horst and Michael who we call Long-Boy and."

"You have car, automobile?" Ludmilla asked, "Volkswagen or Mercedes?"

"Pa, who we call Grandpa he got a Ford," Pa replied, "And we got a Ferrari and,"

"Where is it, I said I want Volkswagen car," Ludmilla insisted as she stared with disdain at Pa's old horse drawn covered wagon and team of four brown stallions hitched to it.

"Sure but horse cart is traditional, so we brought it along special!" Pa insisted. 

"You have had license confiscated for drunk driving perhaps?" Ludmilla asked.

"No it's traditional," Pa insisted.

"You very good liar, I like that in man, is like Russian men, they lie all time," Ludmilla continued, "My father has horse cart like this."

"He got a team of four like us?" Grand Pa Waldorf asked.

"No he make my mother pull it!" Ludmilla explained as she looked sadly at the Waldron's wagon.

"You got a Ferrari?" Jenny asked catching a snatch of the conversation

"Why sure we have," Gandpa exclaimed, "That danged thing keeps grinding its guts out on our farm track, ain't no use at all!" 

"Then I guess I owe you an apology," she said, "I'm Ludmilla."

"Ok what's your other name?" Pa asked.

"If you have a Ferrari is any name you want!" Jenny insisted.

"Hey you steal my man!" Ludmilla exclaimed as she set her battered cardboard suitcase down and grabbed at Jenny's long blonde hair.

Jenny neatly swung her handbag at Ludmilla's cheek knocking her off balance and she sidestepped awkwardly as she struggled to stay on her feet.

"Hold up girls," Pa interrupted, "Lets not be hasty!"

"What you want good honest hard working farm girl or you want painted useless prostitute tart?" Ludmilla asked as she regained her balance.

"Gee," Grandpa said rubbing his chin, "Well a prostitute would come in real handy."

"Then you marry her old man!" Ludmilla replied.

"Hey, woah, "Jenny exclaimed, "Enough already, the M word, sorry guys I'm out of here!" and she picked up her case and headed for Ricks Bar and chicken ranch just across the street.

"I win I think!" Ludmilla exclaimed delightedly as she swung up onto the cart.

They all climbed aboard and set off for the family home on Waldrons' mountain which was a mound maybe ten feet high in about the flattest piece of Kansas real estate that there ever was.

"It is just like home," Ludmilla lied as she saw her new home for the first time, the White House as they called it rising proud and gleaming white by the riverside except where the paint had flaked off letting the red brick show through, "Except there is less snow."

Ludmilla had seen pictures of America, tall buildings and rich people and she never realised they had peasants like in Russia.

"Your place like this back home?" John Waldorf asked.

Ludmilla thought of the one bedroom wooden shack beside the Tractor garage she used to share with her mother and grandmother and two other prostitutes in downtown Cheremkhovo in the glorious USSR.

"Very similar, except in Russia we have flushing toilets," she agreed.

"Hell that's unnatural," John junior exclaimed.

"No it aint, John Boy!" his brother chided, "Your thinking of that bidet that shot water up your ass hole when we went to Paris."

"Paris France!" Ludmilla asked.

"No Paris Illinois," Annie corrected.

"Paris is in Michigan, Girl-Boy," her older and stupider brother corrected.

"What do you know Horse!" Girl-Boy snapped.

"It's Horst!" Horse replied, "God damnit Daddy named me after the Horst Wessel song!"

"Pipe down you morons," Grand Pa Waldron snapped, "I guess you use horse carts all the time in Russia?"

"No we have automobiles and trams," she replied, "And womens pull the carts."

"Pa bought a tram once," Horst boasted, "But it didn't have no engine."

"He was drunk and it was electric!" Girl-Boy added.

"Needed tracks too!" Grandpa laughed, "It never had no steering!"

"Why don't you have an automobile?" Ludmilla asked.

"Saving up for a Boeing 747," Horst explained, "The 737 ain't big enough no more."

Ludmilla was impressed, a seven series, where she came from a five series was big.

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"This is my ex wife Miss Ellie," Pa introduced Ludmilla, to the greying thirty something former Miss America semi finalist now worn out after more kids than she could count, (six.)

"She stays in the house?" Ludmilla asked agitatedly, "In my house!"

"I ain't well dear," Ellie apologised, "Looking after all these boys."

"And the dogs," Horse added.

"How many more times Horse I never fucked the dogs!" Ellie protested as she lay in her bed in the front parlour.

"In Russia we charge extra for dogs because," Ludmilla realised she had said too much.

"Well I never fucked a dog in my life," Ellie added, "Least aways none I knew of, maybe when I was drunk."

"You leave my dogs alone!" Girl-Boy squealed.

"Hey," Pa exclaimed, "How about some Russian Goulash!"

"There is no shit," Ludmilla explained, "I need seven pounds of prime Russian horse shit for authentic  Russian peasant Goulash, and Turnips, lots of Turnips."

"You better make some soup Annie," Ellie suggested.

"Why me?" Girl-Boy asked.

"Cause you're a girl!" Horse explained.

"So what's that then," Girl-Boy asked as she pointed to the nine inch strap on she always wore.

"Ok cause you're the best cook," Pa said, "Try and read the labels this time we had pea soup with pine apples last week."

"You wanna try reading them," Girl-Boy complained, "They're all in French."

"John-Boy you want to get some chow from the burger joint?" Pa asked.

"Maybe," he asked, "Maybe not."

"You can take my Ferarri," Pa suggested.

"Maybe I want to get back again." John-Boy countered.

"You can take my car," Grandpa suggested.

"Yeah right Model T Ford!" John replied.

"With a four twenty eight inch V8 and Nitrous injection!" Grand pa corrected him.

"God damnit John boy take the god damned tractor!" Pa snapped.

"What the John Deere!" John exclaimed.

"Yes, and don't you knock none of the dirt off it," Pa ordered, "We need folk to think we're honest farmers."

"Right!" John agreed, "Hell you sure pa?"

"No but we'll starve otherwise," he agreed.

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"So how do you spend endless American winter nights?" Ludmilla asked.

"Well we play cards," Horse suggested.

"Strip poker and the first one naked gets fucked up the ass," Girl-Boy explained

"By who?" Ludmilla asked, "In Russia is extra for," she stopped as she realised she had said too much.

"Me of course, no one else has a nine inch black ass busting cock." Girl-Boy explained

"Except me!" Horse said proudly.

"Yours ain't black," Girl-Boy added.

"And the other time?" Ludmilla asked.

"They fuck me dear," Miss Ellie explained, "Least always they did till I had an accident with a horse."

"I said be careful," Pa said sadly, "Take him up the ass if you have to I said didn't I Ellie."

"I know John," Ellie said as she rubbed her DD tits absentmindedly,"But he had such lovely big dark eyes and such a lovely big cock!"

"Should have give him sugar lumps like anyone else!" Grandma said as she staggered across the room while leaning backwards trying to counterbalance the weight of her H cup sillicone tits, "You up to fucking the boys Ellie?"

"Go back to bed Ma!" Pa chided, "And leave the false tits off ok?"

"Hell how else will anyone get a cock stand!" Grandma protested.

"You figure on standing round all night or you going to fuck my boys?" Pa asked.

"You expect me to fuck all these morons?" Ludmilla asked.

"Not all at one time obviously," Pa replied.

"Good because when I get spunk in my ear I not hear properly for a week!" Ludmilla replied without thinking.

"You a whore or something back home?" Grandpa asked.

"No, I am not whore," Ludmilla protested, "I am trained prostitute third class, I train two years with the KGB!"

"Kansas Girl's Band?" Grandma asked.

"Russian KGB Ma," Pa replied dropping his pants, "So girlie lets see what you're made of."

"You get me baby-doll night dress and high heels first!" Ludmilla replied as Pa stepped out of his Y fronts.

"Poor honey hasn't fucked no one since this morning," Ma explained.

"Except the cow," Long-Boy added.

"God damn it how many times Long-Boy I don't fuck with the god damned cow!" Pa replied angrily.

"What you expect me to do with that?" Ludmilla exclaimed.

"Bring me off I guess?" Pa replied.

"Up the ass hole is extra." Ludmilla replied.

"Hell I paid good money for that fake marriage," Pa insisted, "You goddamned fuck for free."

"It is so," Ludmilla sniffed, "Small!"

"Maybe you don't turn me on?" Pa suggested unwisely, as Ludmilla stepped forward grabbed Pa's balls with her left hand and stuck her long finger of the other hand up his ass hole.

"Maybe you are homosexual?" Ludmilla asked as his cock instantly stiffened to a full seven and a half inches.

"Maybe if you looked like a god danged girl not a farm hand I might have got stiff in the first place," Pa railed.

"You want painted tart not honest hard working peasant?" Ludmilla asked.

"Gee are you slow on the uptake," Grandpa groaned "Yes!"

"Then I slip into something more sexy," Ludmilla agreed and peeled off her boiler suit to reveal a tight red top which left her midriff bare and a short skirt which would have showed her knickers if she had worn some.

"Holy wow," said Grandpa as he cummed in his pants and had to sit down before he had a heart attack.

"Gee Sus!" said Pa.

"Shit I bust my fly buttons again," said Long Boy.

"Gee," said Tall-boy

"You want to fuck?" Ludmilla asked.

"Sure do!" Grandpa said, "Maybe I should wait a while though."

"Hell she's my god danged wife," Pa insisted, "I guess I get first fuck."

"Is my body, I decide!" Ludmilla insisted, "You have bed?"

"Sure," Miss Ellie agreed, "Thirty Seven at the last count."

"We fuck in the parlour most times," Grandpa explained, "Saves on washing bed sheets."

"Gee," said Ludmilla, "You wash bed sheets in America?" as she pushed her top up and popped her left tit out of her bra, "You want to suck titty old man?"

"Gee," Grandpa gasped, "That all natural?"

"Of course!" Ludmilla agreed and she sat on the old leather sofa beside Grandpa, "You want suck now?"

"Sure!" Grandpa agreed.

"Hell we'll be here all danged night!" Long boy complained, "Can't we do three up like with Miss Ellie!"

"I guess," Pa said, "That Ok with you Ludmilla?"

"Is extra threesome," Ludmilla insisted forgetting she wasn't no whore anymore.

"Hell no, it's a foursome if Grandpa sucks titty," Pa reminded them.

"That whore here yet?" Heinrich asked as he came in from upstairs.

"What you been doing Rich-boy?" Grandpa asked.

"You been wanking Rich-boy?" Girl-boy asked.

"Hey, how's that your business?" Rich-boy asked.

"You going to do fuck with me?" Ludmilla asked.

"I guess," Rich-boy agreed.

"Hell I want first fuck!" Pa cried.

"I'll poke her ass pa!" Heinrich offered, and he dropped his pants.

"She can suck me off Pa!" Long-Boy chortled and he hauled his fly open and eased his jeans down to his knee so he could get his tool out.

"It will choke me!" Ludmilla complained.

"Hell it's only nine inches," Long-boy countered.

"Is more like a foot!" Ludmilla insisted, "I cannot fuck a foot."

"Suck not fuck," Pa reminded her.

"No I shall choke!" she insisted.

"You want whipping or something?" Pa asked.

"Whipping is extra!" Ludmilla explained forgetting she wasn't no whore any more.

"Look, why not suck my cock," says Grandpa, "Take Rich-boy up the ass, fuck John up your front and let Long boy suck your tits while you wank him off?"

"Is good plan, you sit on couch long boy and I sit your cock on." Ludmilla ordered.

"Who put you in charge?" Girl-boy asked.

"Is my body," Ludmilla pointed out reasonably.

"Hell you'll fall off!" Horse insisted, "You lie on the floor Heinrich!"

Heinrich pulled off his shirt and looked for a bit of carpet that was something like clean and lay down using his shirt for a pillow, Ludmilla knelt down and took his cock in her hands and.

"Wrong way," Pa said, "He's poking your ass, you want to be the other way around then he can poke your ass."

"Ok,"Ludmilla says and she turns around.

"No god damnit, on your back moron!" Grandpa says so Ludmilla turns again, "Look up and you Rich-boy, you sit up and poke her up the ass then lie back so Pa can poke her."

"Is very complicated," says Ludmilla, "I watch the Bolshoi synchronised fucking team one time when they come Putinsberg and," she stopped realising she had said too much.

Rich-boy sat up and held Ludmilla around the tits with one hand and guided his cock into her well used ass with the other, "Oooh," she gasped, "Is it in yet?"

"Sure is," Rich-boy agreed, "All tight and warm."

"Lay back," Pa says and as they done so, so he pokes his cock in her sopping vagina, "Fuckaroolie  time," he says and starts humping.

"Hey you nearly had my cock out of her," Rich-Boy complains.

"Pipe down Heinrich," Grandpa says as he stands there with no pants on straddling Pa and shoves his shrivelled old cock towards Ludmilla's wide peasant mouth.

"Hey hold up!" Long-Boy protests and he pushes Pa to one side and starts sucking on Ludmilla's right tit.

"I cannot find balls!" Ludmilla protests but then she finds Long-Boys sac and starts squeezing.

"Shut the fuck up and start sucking!" Grandpa says and he shoves his cock back in Ludmilla's mouth.

"Brings back memories," Miss Ellie said to Grandma.

"Sure does," agreed Grandma, as she turned the coffee table over, "Guess we need something,"

she said as she unscrewed two of the legs and handed one to Miss Ellie, "Guess this will have to do," she said as she shoved a table leg deep inside her aged cunt and started wanking with it.

"What about me?" Girl-boy asked.

"Sit on your strap on dear," Miss Ellie suggested.

"I wanna poke somebody!" she protested.

"Then poke your Grandma," Miss Ellie suggested.

"She's got a table leg up her already!" Girl-boy pointed out.

"So stick it up her ass honey," Miss Ellie suggested.

"Ok," Girl-boy agreed feeling a bit foolish.

"Oh that's good," Grandma agreed as Girl-boy poked her with the nine inch strap on and worked the table leg in the old woman's ass at the same time.

"Gee sus!" Tall-boy said as he bashed his head on the parlour door frame, "Where in the hell is supper?"

"Fuckaroolie time," says Pa, "You met your new mother, she's called Ludmilla?"

"We going to have more brothers and sisters pa?" Tall-boy asked.

"Ah," Pa said awkwardly, "We ain't discussed that, we'll leave it till the veterinarian comes Friday week."

"Splubble," said Ludmilla.

"Hell any of you guys finished I'm good and hard," says Grandpa.

"What about Grandma?" says Miss Ellie.

"No offense but," Grandpa says.

"Well you aint fucking me!" Girl-boy says.

"Nor me," said Tall-boy.

"God dang it," said Grandpa, "Too late I cummed."

To be continued?

John (Pa)

John Boy

Annie (Girl Boy)

Horst.

Long- Boy (Michael)

Tall-Boy (Henry)

Rich-Boy (Heinrich)