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College
Author: Daedalus Rex
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(Added on Dec 27, 2011)
(This month 68096 readers) (Total 90620 readers) |
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A sweet girl's college experience becomes unlike anything she's ever imagined before. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Enteme
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 14, 2016 |
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I know is 6 years since you uploaded this story Daedalus Rex, but PLEASE write a part 2 and 3.
Is well written, VERY erotic, but ends just as is getting going.
PLEASE, PLEASE, pretty please!
Enteme xxx (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
grinner666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 2, 2012 |
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I can't disagree with a single one of the critiques JimmyJump made. Fortunately, I don't consider them as important as he seems to do. This looks like an excellent beginning, and I hope to see more of this story.
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One comment I WILL make is that the author is making a lot of simple grammar errors, and those mark the difference between a truly skillful author and a talented amateur who's determined to remain an amateur. One glaring example here is his use of apostrophes and his confusion between singular and plural possessives. Also the difference between "its" and "it's" ("its'" isn't even a WORD). Correcting the grammar and punctuation would, alone, make me add another point to the score I've given. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Digital
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 31, 2011 |
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A very promising start, looking forwards to more. Likely the unique idea of public posters to reinforce the private message. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 28, 2011 |
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Deadalus Rex clearly has literary ambitions. But, it is not because you have those ambitions that what you write is automatically of royal quality.
For instance, while it is very nice to come up with some alluring metaphores, when you do so, please make 'em sound right. Shipwrecked folks bobbing around on an ocean don't cling to splinters, rather they look for large chunks of driftwood to hang their lives on.
Secondly, it does sound rather nice to have a story start with the sentence "All the trouble that the girl fell into began with a simple gust of wind.", except of course when it is untrue. The girl's "adventure" started with a heavy night on the town, not with a gust of wind.
Furthermore, if and when our Kim has been suffering from a severe hangover all through the week-end, how did the bathroom get cleaned up?
Okay, this may seem as if I'm trying to smash Rex' hopes of becoming a "good" writer. I'm not. I'm just pointing out (or trying to point out) that he shouldn't try so hard and miss a couple of curves in the process.
Especially when -despite my berating tone- the start of "College" is well done and creates "great expectations".
So, what's there is good, better than good even. Just a pity aspirations seem to have gotten in the way and what should be "wow" now is just "okay"...
Like I said, don't try so hard. Just let it flow in a well thought over, natural way and you'll get there. Because you have it in you.
JJ (7/10)
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