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Mistress Dyvia's Connections
Author: Mistress Dyvia
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(Added on Nov 9, 2011)
(This month 52442 readers) (Total 62387 readers) |
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An agent of a government organization, is trapped, his mind placed into the body of a woman, who is then told she will be trained as a sex slave. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
thayne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 19, 2011 |
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i enjoyed this story. Mistress Dyvia proves that the female is the smarter species than the male. Thank you, Milady for an enjoyable story. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2011 |
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I'll bet Mistress Dyvia is a kick ass role player.
*
In "Mistress Dyvia's Connections" we are treated to a rather short action flick that jumps from scene to scene in a haphazard and slightly violent way. In the beginning, the story is written in third person perspective as we ride along with either the stupidest secret agent in the world, or the most naive. With absolutely no build up, introduction, or even concept of who this character is we learn he is running across an airport (where in the airport? I have no idea. Might have been a terminal. Might have been baggage claim. Might have been air traffic control.) But then he's chasing... on foot... a plane... in the process of taking off. He manages to climb into the wheel well, but then knowing he will die from a lack of oxygen, he cuts a hole in the pressure hull of the plane (yes folks, the PRESSURE hull) in ninety seconds. Then, leaving the hole open behind him, he seems to be in some sort of vault where he finds a computer... with files he needs. He thinks it's too easy and it is, because when he emerges he's confront by ten men with HIGH POWERED RIFLES! ON AN AIRPLANE. IN THE AIR. So maybe these riflemen KNOW that the pressure hull has already been compromised so shooting this guy with a 7.56x25mm armor piercing round won't cause a pressure rupture and suck everyone out through the resulting hole. Or maybe they're just dumb asses who don't know shit about either guns or planes.
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After this ludicrous opening scene, the guy's brain is transferred out of his body and into that of a girl with a cell phone. Yep. Actually, I can believe that. I once was driving behind someone I swore was drunk. The SUV was swerving all over the road and driving a full fifteen miles an hour under the limit. As I finally passed I glanced over. Oh. Not a drunk. Woman on a cell phone. That explains it all. A cell phone. Okay... I can suspend my disbelief long enough to handle that. Hell, obviously cell phones in cars can remove your brains already.
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But wait, the girl, or the guy, depending on your cross gender twisting, is bound, with something up her ass, and clearly built with fake boobs, piercings, and a body meant for sexual abuse. Suddenly the writing perspective of the author changes and Mistress Dyvia the author writes herself into the story as... guess who... Mistress Dyvia! Suddenly the story changes to first person narrative and Mistress Dyvia then proceeds to subject our protagonist to a series of sexual abuses including rape and psychological torture. Oddly enough, our protagonist, at first a lethal secret agent who was willing to kill even his driver, now becomes an immediate submissive, unable to withstand the combined forces of brainwashing and gender switch. I laughed my head off.
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Grammatically, there weren't many errors that I noticed, but I would recommend to Mistress Dyvia a couple of areas to work on. First of all, if you absolutely MUST write yourself into a story, pick a perspective and stick to it. It would have been better not to go "Yup, it was me!" and just stick to the third person narrative. Second, start using compound sentences. This entire story from start to finish is almost 80 percent simple sentences. The last ten percent are compound, but usually are in action or explanation sentences. Compound sentences add depth and complexity to the writing. For example, the author writes: "He approached quickly to the landing gear and jumped. His legs were in danger of being ripped off by the wheels as they spun. But soon the wheels were going up as the plane lifted off." With compound sentences, you are encouraged to add. "He approached quickly, the landing gear spinning, threatening to rip his legs off. He knew he only had moments before the landing gear retracted, cutting off his chances to board undetected." See? Compound sentences.
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Want to know what I loved the most? The rules at the beginning for submissives. Obviously I'm not a submissive, but I know several and I could just imagine Breanne reading this story and following those rules exactly before even getting to the introduction. I think that was excellent. I like interactive reading and since I am well aware that the majority of erotica readers are female, it makes phenomenal sense. I think I might take a page from Mistress Dyvia's book and add something similar to my own writings. I like the idea of my readers sitting alone at home (or there with a friend), quietly stuffed and/or masturbating while reading. Excellent.
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One question that wasn't answered, or perhaps it was, is how does a man's brain act while in the body of a woman? Would he be subject to an entirely different set of hormones, perceptions, and requirements that would skew his thinking? Would he no longer be rational? Or would he start thinking like a woman, despite the structure of the brain being formed in the womb? All I can tell you is that the protagonist acted like a dumb blond bimbo with no other thought but "how soon can I get that dildo inside me?" Somehow, except for my website's co-author, Breanne Erickson, I'm pretty sure women don't usually think those thoughts.
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In summary we have an author who has a creative imagination, but needs a bit more practice crafting the tale. The plot has more holes in it than that airplane and some basic research would help make the whole thing more believable, even the "brain wave switcheroo". As a player of Dungeons and Dragons however, I have a feeling that the author is one of those individuals who could make this story SING if it were a roleplay. Too bad it's not, right?
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (5/10)
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