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Enforced Discipline
Author: Drayman
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(Added on Sep 11, 2011)
(This month 99574 readers) (Total 137417 readers) |
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A young woman is subjected to severe discipline in order to ensure that she realises her position in life - as a sexual slave |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2011 |
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Um... WTF?
*
That was basically my mental process as I read this story, trying to digest the strange progression of poor Cynthia's stay at her Uncle's school. The story starts off with a rather weak explanation of how Cynthia's step-mother has power over her, a rather pointless paragraph with so many twists that even now I'm somewhat confused about who was doing what with who and what the heck a "co-respondent" is. In any event, the author needed Cynthia to be "forced" to go to this school run by her cousin or uncle (both descriptions were used).
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At first, the school seems to be a typical girl's preparatory school. I kept expecting the "uniform" to be something in appropriate. In fact, it probably should have been, because after a week or two of extreme boredom (we're not even treated to Cynthia masturbating and getting caught or something) Cynthia's uncle gets home. It then comes as something of a shock when Cynthia's maid dresses her in stockings and heels and informs her she'll be dressed that way while dining with her uncle. Did I say a shock? Well it was for ME. Not so much for Cynthia, who evidently has secret longings to wander around naked in front of family members. Seriously... what girl ACCEPTS having to parade around naked as quick as Cynthia did! The author does absolutely NOTHING to help us along with an explanation. There wasn't a threat of punishment. There wasn't a spanking. There wasn't drugs. Cynthia isn't mentally retard. Nope. Just a single "this is required" from the maid and an "okay!" from Cynthia after her single objection. WTF?
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So after enduring being naked in front of her uncle, who does nothing but ogle her and do paperwork, Cynthia is allowed to rest, and is then led to the patio where she get to endure an hour's worth of extreme torture while riding a wooden horse. Now I am a lover of the wooden pony and the wooden horse and there's nothing I love better than a beautiful girl forced to ride. Except in this story, the ride makes no sense. Is it punishment? The Uncle calls it "initiation", which comes as a surprise considering everything else that HASN'T happened. I mean sure, Cynthia has been stripped naked and forced to stand in a corner, but... punished? It makes no sense whatsoever. It's like the author, via Uncle Sadism, just suddenly decides Cynthia deserves something that will really please HIM.
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While the plot caroms from one unbelievable scene to the next, I have to say that each individual scene is phenomenal. The author does a fantastic job describing the action and really giving the reader an understanding of the action and emotion going on within the scene. It is so easy to slip into each individual scene, standing right there next to Cynthia, that I found myself immediately aroused. I wanted each scene to just keep going.
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So in summary we have a decently written story that demonstrates the author has a phenomenal creativity and an ability to really suck the reader into his little world. We also have an author that is missing the mortar between the bricks. The bricks are well done, but it's the mortar that holds the wall together. It will be interesting to see where this story goes because right now it's like watching a drunk trying to stay in his lane and swerving back and forth across six lanes of traffic. Who knows what will happen next?
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Oct 7, 2011)
- My first reaction to your Review was one of indignation. I thought to myself, is this individual taking into account that “I am simply an amateur author who has only ever contributed one other story to this site before?” Then, on reflection I began to look in detail at the critique and discovered that it seemed to be a genuine attempt to provide some guidance, and was not simply a rant about certain aspects of the tale. I also appreciated that a Reviewer spends time and effort in reviewing my efforts and this is rewarding in itself.
Then I looked at the website that was given as the Reviewer’s domain and I realised that it is a very professional set-up, which emphasised that the Reviewer had indeed spent his valuable time sending such a detailed and constructive Review.
I have taken ‘on-board’ the comments made but, as the next three Chapters have been already submitted to the Site, I will not regrettably be able to use the constructive criticism to much effect. However, I am part way through another tale and the comments that this Reviewer has made will, I hope enable me to construct a structured tale that will provide those readers who choose to read the story more enjoyment. In other words, I trust that my driving will be as sober as a judge!!!!
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Oct 11, 2011)
- Actually sir, upon reflection, this is an absolutely horrible review and certainly not up to my standards. Usually when I review I try very hard to alternate between positives and negatives and while I offer no excuses, perhaps you will find it in your heart to forgive me due to the facts that 1. I was very tired when I read your story and then wrote the review and 2. I was just a tad bit frustrated with the story because the scenes were just so damn good and you REALLY got me exactly where every erotic BDSM author WANTS their readers to be... and it just didn't make sense.
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I seemed to have forgotten to mention in this review that the author has an excellent command of the language and that I didn't see any overt errors. Sentence complexity was rich and deep with compound sentences adding depth to the descriptions and actions. Furthermore, the author does a good job of describing not just the action (which is a common failing amongst new authors) but describes the scenes, the smells, the lighting and costumes. This author actually gets it when it comes to being the lens through which all things must be seen.
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In general, I try very hard to provide authors on the BDSM Library the same sort of feedback that I felt helped me when I was a struggling amateur and frankly, I still make the same sort of mistakes I did back then. Only careful editing and several drafts create proofs worthy of being published.
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Once again I apologize for the "rant" at the beginning and the author and the other reviewers may choose to forgive me or not as you deem appropriate.
*
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
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| Reviewer:
Chieftain
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 22, 2011 |
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Will need more to up grade the piece. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 22, 2011)
- A reasonable comment. Hope you enjoy the rest of the tale and that you are then able to consider an upgrade if you feel that is justified.
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| Reviewer:
sub1503
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 21, 2011 |
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I really like this first chapter and can't wait for the rest. Leaving her on the horse with little knowledge of her fate is very exciting. I picture myself in her stirrups and have to keep breathing. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 22, 2011)
- I am pleased that you have enjoyed the first chapter. I am also happy that, having written the tale from the viewpoint of a Dominant male, the fact that you as a submissive have found it arousing makes me appreciate that the story can also bring pleasure to submissives.
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| Reviewer:
johnlw77
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 19, 2011 |
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I'm really aroused by this fist chapter. Its attaction lies especially in the how little the girl really realises of what is to befall her, both the severity of the disciple and the cruel totally of her sexual enslavement. I look forward to Chapter 2 - and beyond! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 20, 2011)
- I much appreciate you taking time to send a review. I have posted Chapter 2 and the final three Chapters are being edited and will be submitted in the near future. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the tale!!!
- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 22, 2011)
- Double posted
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| Reviewer:
I1985
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 13, 2011 |
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Quite a nice start to what seems to be a really good story. Although I really wonder where it will go... (8/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2011)
- Many thanks for taking the trouble to comment. I have completed editing Chapter 2 which will be posted shortly and, after that there will be another three Chapters at least.
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