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Pink Salon Fuck Pig
Author: nassim
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(Added on Apr 30, 2011)
(This month 67131 readers) (Total 89701 readers) |
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An American woman in Japan embarks upon a new career in a brothel. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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| 11% |
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11% |
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11% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 15, 2012 |
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I was just puzzled by the use of so many words in the story, but mainly ... what the heck is a "spear" closet? I thought at first the guy collected spears but ... then I was just clueless. This has good potential but it really needs cleaning up and stop using words like vajayjay ...unless you are 12 in real life!! (4/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (Jan 16, 2012)
- "What the heck is a spear closet?"
Www.letmegooglethatforyou.com
Re: "vajayjay" see my responses below.
I had been thinking of writing another chapter, but reviews like this are starting to piss me off. Yeah, the language isn't always everybody's cup of tea, but the story IS fairly original AND easy to read compared to other stuff, so when I get a "3" or"4" for something as trivial as diction, I think "WTF ?!?"
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| Reviewer:
MarginallyTruePig
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 24, 2011 |
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Like others, I felt the story was a little rushed, and the submission a bit too immediate and complete, despite the "gang-rape explanation". That said, it's a good, quick and exciting read, and that is what really matters. :) (7/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (Jun 24, 2011)
- Thank you! I have taken the easy capitulation criticism from yourself and others to heart, and will flesh that part of the story out in a sequel or revision.
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| Reviewer:
jrnd711
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 25, 2011 |
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To watch self proclaimed 'critics' rip a story because parts of it didn't digest well due to their sensitive and delicate tastes makes me want to scream. A score lower than 5 should not be allowed since many are delivered while the reviewer is in a bad mood because of some discomfort during their day...or just because they feel like whacking someone because of their deep feelings of inferiority. I simply enjoyed the read because I found it well written and super horny. I give it a well deserved 10. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 25, 2011)
- Lol. Thank you. I set out to write something I would enjoy reading & am glad you liked it.
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| Reviewer:
Luvr
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 24, 2011 |
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When I opened the story I had very high hopes, but after reading for a bit, I actually had to close it. The descriptive words describing the parts of a woman's body make this story sound like it was written by a hormonal fourteen year old boy.
I'm sorry, but...vajayjay? WHO actually uses that word? This - "Maria vajazzled Linda's vajayjay" - actually made me wince. It makes it sound like Maria took a bedazzler to the other woman's pussy.
Descriptive words for a pussy or ass can be interesting, seductive, or they can simply be stupid and childish. Sadly, this story fell into the second area. It wasn't well written and your timeline was completely off. It spoke of her being gangbanged, yet suggested she was still a virgin in her ass. Sorry, it really doesn't work. (1/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 24, 2011)
- Triple ouch:( I think explained my thoughts regarding descriptive words in my last response. Vajazzling is, in fact, taking a bedazzler to a woman's pussy. I know this is the BDSM library, but there are other ways of dressing up a character besides leather, latex, and rubber.
As for the timeline being off, that was deliberate. I find pussy, mouth, ass, gang-bang, dog, then whatever, a little repetitive in a story. And who says anal sex has to be part of a gang-bang?
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| Reviewer:
TheRoc
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 17, 2011 |
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I liked the style of the story and unlike other reviewers, I understood where the author had obtained the rapid submission of the protagonist. My suspension of disbelief comes from my experiences with people in the welfare industry and how where one will fight an injustice, another will succumb to it seeing futility in a fight. It happens and the gang rape explained it - Linda is of that id.
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I also know that while studying that once I had achieved my degree, even though I can not speak any other languages, I was eligable to (from my uni) apply to teach English in either Japan or China at very good pay rates. That aspect of the story was also very easy to understand.
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If I had a complaint, it would be the difficulty in accepting some of the terminology used. "tight, puckered poop-hole", "humiliating violation of her special bathroom place" and "her pooper" seemed childish and playground-speak, and "Maria vajazzled Linda's vajayjay" made me say out loud to myself, "What?!"
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But the small child terminology is my only complaint and I am sure others will easily overlook that, so I feel the story still has merit.
P.S: Some people do take the words used seriously and I am one. I felt some terms are so 'bad' that when trying to read another of the author's works, I stopped at "chocolate log". Sorry. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 17, 2011)
- Ouch. Re: the terminology, I love cunt and pussy. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, pussy, pussy, pussy, cunt, cunt, cunty cuntcunt. It tends to get repetitive and to avoid the excesses of one extreme, I went to another. Plus, the "childish" diction makes the story sound dirtier. I've read a lot of Penthouse Letters, but one of the few I remember is the one where a Bells Angel put it in a suburban soccer milfs "special bathroom place", and I read that over 15 years ago.
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| Reviewer:
Laura.Dane
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 15, 2011 |
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Strong writing, hard-core, and the story definitely hit my submissive fantasies about losing control and extreme humiliation. This is a writer, I'll be reading in the future. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 16, 2011)
- Thank you! I'll be submitting a new story soon.
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2011 |
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I got caught up in this story...
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There were a lot of great things going for Pink Salon Fuck Pig so we can take our pick. First of all, from a grammatical perspective, the author did pretty good. I didn't notice any glaring mistakes, though I did notice a spot where there was a wrong word (rather than misspelled). It happens in this day and age and really didn't distract from the story. Sentence construction was also well done, with plenty of compound sentences adding depth and complexity to the story telling.
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It's fairly obvious that the author has some passing familiarity with Japanese custom. I'd never even HEARD of these "Pink Salons" and I'm a bit closer tied to the sex industry than most people. Of course, the Japanese are usually on the cutting edge of sex, and since I don't live there, I can see me NOT knowing about these. But now I do! So I learned something today! Awesome!
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Like my fellow reviewer, Snark, I had a little trouble with the depiction of Linda. Japanese women are, in general, culturally acclimated to behave in a meek, docile, and subservient manner. American women are not, and while it's possible that Linda would have behaved in this manner, the odds are against her just accepting it without some serious events changing her demeanor. In this particular case, a little "background" by the author would have gone a long way to ease this "WTF" sensation both Snark and I felt. Perhaps the author could have had Linda living with her Japanese boyfriend for several weeks, being steadily subjected to an increasingly eclectic variety of sex acts. Or perhaps an explanation stating she came from a very strict family upbringing. When an author asks us to suspend our disbelief, we need reasons to do it. This story could easily have happened in our "reality" and as such, we need those oddities smoothed over to really enjoy it.
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Like Snark... she doesn't speak Japanese? Di jo boo? Not good. But on the flip side, Linda didn't seem too bright in the first place. Maybe she was lured over to Japan by nefarious means in order to be turned into a gaijin sex slave? Again, this is one of those little details that would do well with a quick explanation.
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Its quite apparent that the author has a firm grasp of writing technique and a vivid imagination. Where I felt Pink Salon Fuck Pig was slightly off was the timing. As short stories go, a lot of different scenes were crammed into a very short amount of paragraphs. So things moved very very fast. We went from a taxi fuck, backward to a prequel gang bang, to being dropped off at the pink salon, to the tied up girl, to the anal fuck, to the shopping, to the dog screw. Wow. Why not throw in some eel sex too? Today, on WTF Japan, we have every sex act imaginable! Truth be told, while all of these scenes were great in and of themselves, some were too short to really add to the over all sexual tension of the story (which was actually pretty good). Needless to say, it might serve the author better, especially since he has such good ideas, to spend more time on them. Practically every one of these scenes could have been blown up into something pretty nice. If you're writing in 12 pt MS WORD, a steady concept is that a single "part" should be around 6 to 8 pages, and that a short story shouldn't really have more than three or four parts. Anything longer and you start looking at novella length. In this case, we had material for a four parter, all crammed into something the length of one and a half. So how's this for a critique? In essence, I'm telling the author I wanted MORE!
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In summary, I think the author: nassim, has a great imagination and firm grasp of story telling. Really what the author needs to work on is to trust his imagination and let the pen flow. You can always take out unneeded words later. A strong solid story!
*
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (8/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 10, 2011)
- Take my word for it: you can teach in Asia without learning much or any of the native language, and pink salons are awesome;)
That said, maybe I did cut a little too much exposition from the narrative. An earlier draft did allude to training from the boyfriend and a larger international conspiracy. It's something I'll try to keep in mind next time.
Thank you very much for the kind words and writing tips!
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| Reviewer:
Snark
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 10, 2011 |
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Interesting descriptions, fairly well edited - much better than my Japanese! The original premise left me wondering how someone could teach English in Japan without understanding Japanese. And why the girl is so accommodating to her captors. Such willing submission without protest may be more prevalent in Japan than in the US, so that may be the source of my confusion. Still entertaining, nevertheless. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 10, 2011)
- Thank you for the kind words!
It is very easy to teach a English in Asia without knowing the native language.
As for the willing submission bit, I wanted to cut to the chase - the action takes place after a gang-rape, which was my way of explaining why she was so submissive - her training took place off camera, so to speak. All my stories can stand alone, but will be interconnected and take place in the same fictional universe.
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| Reviewer:
fellatrix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 9, 2011 |
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Very interesting, uncliched and unmelodramatic. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
nassim
(Edit) (May 9, 2011)
- Thank you! I loved Anna's Date!
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