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Susan's procedure
Author: jsmt
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(Added on Dec 2, 2010)
(This month 56687 readers) (Total 68552 readers) |
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Susan is a very successful latin young woman. She has an MBA, a high paying job and a great carer ahead of her. But now the only man in her life has asked her something, and she had to decide if she will go through the desired procedure. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Sador
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 17, 2010 |
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Unfortunately, this story shows the same kind of phrasing and punctuation errors evident in "The Green Door...." A "pinched" tire instead of "had a flat tire" is jarring and affects suspension of disbelief. Could I assume English is your second language? The storyline isn't as effective as "The Green Door..." either: that an intelligent woman of achievement would choose in invalidate her life and disrespect Latinas by permanently dumbing herself down, all because she has a "thing" for an auto mechanic of low ambition and intelligence is tough to swallow. "The Green Door..." showed a lot of promise; this story is a disappointment. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
jsmt
(Edit) (Dec 17, 2010)
- Thanks for your comment. English is indeed my second language. I have no doubt that my grammar is not on par with educated native speakers and I probably should do something about it.
Regarding the plot, well that is mostly irremediable. My stories are just fantasies about females that sexually enjoy their own humiliations and the plots are not more realistic than a typical fairy tale. They are, however, extreme exaggerations of the behaviors of people that let their cravings wander out of control and develop compulsions that end up ruling their lives, which is certainly something not unheard of. In this particular story, the character does it not for the man, but to satisfy her own cravings (that probably isn't explicitly said in the story but I thought it could be read between lines).
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 6, 2010 |
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Nicely paced and 'right-sounding' story, which --despite the fact that the Library's script seems hellbent on screwing-up the formatting-- reads very fluently.
jsmt avoids sounding trite by adding some nice dialogues and conversations, creating an air of believability within the alternative reality of the story.
Good.
JJ (8/10)
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