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Molly
Author: Acacia
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(Added on Jun 16, 2010)
(This month 21500 readers) (Total 29661 readers) |
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Molly is a maid, taken from an orphanage at a young age. However, she is now a woman, and her employer is intent on keeping her off the path of sin by means of harsh punishment and discipline. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Solis.1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2010 |
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Acacia has the opportunity to turn this into a very good tale. That potential is more hinted at than displayed in Ch. 1. The plight of both female domestic servants and orphans in the 19th and very early 20th centuries was parlous, and so offers fertile ground for tales of exploitation. At a "little picture" level, Acacia's writing is literate, restrained and carefully copy-edited.
At a "big picture" level, there are three areas that the author should work on:
1. The central role of the story; that is, a good erotic story still must first be a good story. A plot, characters we care about, human dialogue and so on. I'm concerned with Acacia's closing note, "My main goal is to make sure I gradually build up the BDSM." Make the story your main goal. Sketch the plot developments four or five chapters ahead. Note for yourself character developments (Ch. 4, Molly loses faith in her own judgment or Ch. 3, Mrs. Wilson shows momentary humor and Ch 4, she softens toward M, hesitates for a split second, then punishes her).
2. expand your sense of place. Where and when is this occurring? What sort of town in what sort of age? The corset suggests 19th century, open drawers were mid 19th at the latest, mail order catalogs and self-service groceries aren't around until very late 19th - early 20th centuries, spring metal nipple clamps likely mid 20th or later. Is it a town small enough that everyone knows The Pervert Grocer and The Little Whore? Or one large enough that the abused are anonymous? Is Molly alone in her oppression, or is she apt to pass other girls -- eyes puffy, head down, hurrying on silent errands -- on the street?
3. Be sure your interpersonal relationships make sense. Why does Mrs Wilson care about Molly's moral development -- they've apparently spent years together without intimate contact (Molly is wet when Mrs Wilson fingered her, but she doesn't react to the intrusion and there's no cause given for her arousal), nudity (Molly is obedient but perplexed at the order), or relationship growth. And wouldn't Mrs Wilson either kill Mr Bottle, shop elsewhere or sternly chaperon Molly? Why does an unlaced corset contribute, even in some "I'm making this up as a cover story while I humiliate you" sort of way, to moral restraint? Why would Molly tolerate essentially ungoverned abuse by Mr Bottle? She doesn't seem to have a relationship to him (she doesn't have a "place" in the "she knows her place") sense, so I can't imagine where this came from.
This story might develop into a compelling historical tale; the writer seems to have the skills and the setting to make it happen. Or it could drift into obscurity. I look forward with eager curiosity to chapters 2 and 3. Solis (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
bracemaiden
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2010 |
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I like the unusual historical perspective. Some areas are brushed over (such as putting on the corset), but all in all, an interesting read. I look forward to seeing more. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 16, 2010 |
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While not exactly rushed, the first couple of paragraphs seem to miss some body, some upholstering, a little more insight into who we're dealing with here.
And although similar subjects have been done quite often before there's nothing to complain about regarding "Molly". Nicely written with well defined characters, we could have a winner on our hands. It all depends where Acacia decides to take the plot, surmising there is a indeed a plot. I surely hope so.
JJ (9/10)
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