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Megan's Question
Author: JK
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(Added on May 15, 2010)
(This month 232612 readers) (Total 299494 readers) |
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A father, mother and daughter lives the BDSM lifestyle. Training the daughter to be a sex slave like her beautifu; mother. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 11 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Sweep
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 24, 2010 |
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Brilliant story - best that I have read for a long time. A bit more attention to grammar would improve it. Please keep it going (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (Jun 25, 2010)
- Thanks. This has been a fun story to write. There is more comming.
JK
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 18, 2010 |
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COMMENT ON 18 MAY SUBMISSIONS:
A very good start to, hopefully, an ongoing story. i look forward to reading more about this family.
COMMENT ON 1 JUNE SUBMISSIONS:
There are a number of spelling errors which do niggle me and there is no doubt that a little more editing would make the story more readable, well to some of us anyway.
The overall story is interesting and i like the slight unease Jack has after making mum and daughter go down on one another, this makes him seem more human. i also like the litle tease we get about where the story line is going (refering to the 19 year old son being given control of Megan).
COMMENT ON 10 JUNE SUBMMISSIONS:
i have uprated this to a nine, not because the spellings have improved because they hav'nt, but due to the way love between Master and slaves is conveyed. So many similar stories are master is in control end of story in chapter 7 we have "Should I order her to obey Chris, or let her make the decision or at least speak her mind. I chose the latter." remarks like that make the story so much more realistic, lets remember this is supposed to be consensual slavery.
COMMENTS ON 16 JUNE SUBMISSIONS:
My only comment here is deaths and break up of the group seems rather rapid, having said that the small village i live in has had three deaths (cancer and old age) in the last week, so i suppose things can change quickly. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (May 18, 2010)
- Thank you. I just posted a couple more chapters. I am sure they will be online in a few days. It is still a work in progress, so it will be coming for a while.
JK
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 13, 2010 |
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Didn't like the story. Didn't dislike it either. "Megan's Question" just didn't seem to push any of my buttons.
The same goes for the writing. can't say is good, because it comes across as been written by an author who could use some seasoning.
But then again, the writing isn't bad either, and the set-up is rather well done, so I'll quit blowing hot and cold and take my leave.
JJ (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Ravenswolfe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 11, 2010 |
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I like what I've read so far, can't wait to see where Megan goes from here. Her starting to date opens up many possibilities. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (Jun 11, 2010)
- This has been a fun story to do. Thanks for your comments. JK
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| Reviewer:
Losalt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2010 |
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Look at Michael247's review, it reflects all of my views and some more.
Other then that I really enjoyed the story.
And although most of the plot is fairly common I for one haven't read that particular start before as far as I can remember. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
megfar
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 26, 2010 |
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I loved this story and hope that it continues. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (May 26, 2010)
- I have submitted two more chapters. Hopefully they will be posted soon. Thanks for the compliment. JK
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| Reviewer:
budd666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 22, 2010 |
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looking for additinal chapters. great story line; very exciting. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (May 22, 2010)
- I have sent in two more chapters, should be posted very soon. Thanks for the good words. JK
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2010 |
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What a fascinating little tale! I thoroughly enjoyed reading "Megan's Question" and felt that there was a lot to offer. The plot, while being relatively common had a nice twist with the inclusion of the BDSM party, which also served as a relatively nice climax to the story. Megan's first in depth in "public" submission served the plot very well.
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The first thing I want to note is that the story was chock full of minor word and punctuation errors. Either the wrong word was used, or a word was capitalized in an inappropriate space. Heck, even Microsoft Word grammar check went ballistic on this story when I cut and pasted it. If the author doesn't have access to a grammar and spell checker, I recommend finding a competent editor who can fix those minor errors. Hey, we all do it. I reread everything I write multiple times, sometimes months after I've written them, in order to catch my mistakes. Its not a big deal, but readers tend to become discombobulated when confronted with typos. It also makes you look a bit less professional (or skilled) in the writing business.
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Sentence construction in this story was right on. The author struck a perfect balance between prepositional phrases, compound, and simple sentences. This is actually more problematic than you think and I've encountered a lot of stories where authors have selected one style in order to add complexity to their writing and ended up blowing out my brain with repetitive agonizing sentence construction. "Megan's Question" shows that the author has a good grasp of grammar (despite the punctuation and word errors, which indicates to me his mind works faster than his fingers on a keyboard).
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Another problem was tense. There were at least two noticeable times when the author slipped from past tense to present tense. This error is actually worse than misspellings and grammar issues, but it is also indicative of an author who is caught up in the story telling. Again...find an editor.
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From a story perspective, the entire thing has got a couple of plot holes and high levels of unbelievability that stretch the bounds of logic. Granted, the whole point of fiction is to allow something to happen that would never happen in real life. I respect that. But there are only a limited number of "unlikely possibilities" that a reader can swallow before our incredulity is stretched. For example, we are first presented with a step daughter approaching her step father about the sexual relationship between her mom and him. Okay...maybe. I can see that. Maybe mom and daughter don't talk much. Then we have the whole setup where Mom goes ahead and not only tells daughter whats up, but encourages things to a point where a lot of incest (yes, screwing your step-daughter counts as incest), and quite a bit of statutory rape occurs. Huh? Well...okay...I guess I can accept that. But wait! That's not all! Not only does step-daughter want to know about what's going on, but she has a secret crush on step dad AND wants to be a sex slave! But that's not it! Yes, Mom and step-daughter are in collusion to get the step-dad to turn the setup daughter into a sex slave! Oh yeah, and she happens to be a sexual masochist too. Is anyone else seeing the dominoes falling here? Not that I'm complaining, but there's a difference between fiction and unbelievable fantasy. It really got to me when Jack pulled out a rubber ball gag he just happened to keep stored in THE END TABLE IN THE FRICKEN LIVING ROOM! And he and Jayne were TRYING to hide this from Megan? What is she, stupid? Unobservant? Or does she live her life like my own teenage daughter with her head stuck in a pair of earphones and perpetually staring at her computer screen playing online games, listening to music on youTube, and watching Japanese anime?
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Also, since we're on the issue of "sex slave", lets talk about submission and slavery. I realize that the author has created his own little world, but the BDSM community (who are the primary readers of BDSM erotica) have a very specific method of defining relationships. Submissives have the power to say no, at any time, to anything. This is actually the most common BDSM relationship and is the most workable in real life. It can go pretty deep too, even with everything that happens in "Megan's Question." Then there are "slaves". Slave/Master relationships are one sided. Slaves can not "decline" and order. They have no ability or right to say no. They can indicate their displeasure at something, but it's still the Master's will. The big difference between submissives and slaves? Submissives are actually in control. They always have the power to say no. Slaves have no control. They are truly subservient. So why is this important to the story? Well frequently the author refers to Megan and Jayne (the mom) as submissives. But he also refers to them as sex slaves. Granted, he can call them purple coated one eyed snatchadoodles for all I care, but if he is targeting a specific audience, then the author needs to at least stay within the bounds of accepted definition and not confuse the hell out of us. The narrator actually tells Megan at one point that she can not refuse. I guess it also helps to gag your submissives. Or is it slaves?
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I had a couple of problems with a few very specific sentences. Like this one: "If she refuses I would expect you to punish and rape her." Huh? How do you RAPE a willing person? Oh wait. I forgot. She's sixteen. ITS ALL RAPE. But I don't think that's what Jack intended.
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And while we're on Jack, let me make a a naming point, especially since another one of the reviewers commented about the new characters introduced in Chapter 3. The author uses the name Jack quite a bit during the narrative. However, the author then introduces Jake, who then has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides a five second frame of fame. My advice: don't have characters with similar names. It took me a moment to realize that Jake was a different person from Jack. Mostly because I thought the author made another spelling error. Also, when introducing new characters, make sure they make a difference to the story. I know that giving everyone a name adds depth, but if they have absolutely nothing to add to the plot, they're basically a prop. Don't fill up a reader's brain with pointless information. I hate having to remember a character's name and then find out that person is never mentioned again. Also, when introducing characters, remember that just describing them (especially when there are quite a few of them) doesn't really imprint them in your reader's mind. I remember Jim and his girl Betsy, because of WHAT they did, not what they were wearing. Their costumes were there for depth, not to establish character.
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From a story perspective I think the sexual tension built up rather nicely to the climax. Even better: I had to take a break from the story because of the build up of sexual tension. Now that's what I call a climax.
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One of the things the author did perfectly was plot movement. Both action and dialog are the prime engines for plot movement, and for a story written in first person from one POV, its even more impressive. Dialog is so important and it really brings a lot of the story to life. Kudos for that.
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Let's talk a moment about description. I have to admit that for the most part, the author did a pretty good job. Action was described very well. So were character descriptions, and it was done within the story without giving me bust sizes. Well done. But what I did miss was scene descriptors. With the exception of props, like the 60 inch High Definition Flat Screen Television (which by the way I'm very jealous of), we really didn't get much environmental jives. Remember that building a set is as important as who is in it and what they do. Even sex movies (porn without plot) have "locations". Imagine watching your favorite television show where they didn't bother to build a set. Wouldn't it feel odd. Granted, the author wrote this story in first person, which hampers a writer's ability to convey description because EVERYTHING must be viewed through the lens of what this guy sees, notices, and wants to convey. It's a talent, and one that takes time to develop.
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Finally, I just have to say how much I loved the following sentence: "Megan was in an erotic ozone." I couldn't stop laughing. What is”erotic ozone"? Is that like a new atmospheric layer or something? Can I get to this place? Imagine if you could bottle "erotic ozone" and sell it! My god, the possibilities! Suddenly the story was a comedy...a comedy of errors, but it made my day.
***
Okay, so in summary, this story was chock full of oopps and whoas, not to mention a whole bunch of people going to jail. If she's sixteen, why not tack on another year and make it legal. There are plenty of states seventeen is a legal adult. Anyway, enough of that. The author obviously has a talent for story construction and can write relatively well. The main problem here is polishing. We've got a diamond in the rough here guys. It’s a big diamond, with a couple of flaws, but it didn't get polished. And that's why it doesn't get a higher rating. So what does this mean? It means that the author JK, has some serious clout when it comes to writing stories. We just need to see him take a bit more time with them, smooth out the plot, correct the minor errors, and then...well...then we'll see what happens.
***
Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com)
(7/10)
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- Replied by:
Losalt
(Edit) (May 26, 2010)
- "I had a couple of problems with a few very specific sentences. Like this one: "If she refuses I would expect you to punish and rape her." Huh? How do you RAPE a willing person? Oh wait. I forgot. She's sixteen. ITS ALL RAPE. But I don't think that's what Jack intended."
Erh.. I might be wrong but I can't remember the author actually stating anywhere that the story is located in the US..
16 is the age of consent in my own country at least so here they could have as much sex as they'd like as far as the law is concerned..
Well, at least from an age point of view..
There could be some problems with the incest bit..
As for "ozone" I believe it is a word play referring to both "orgasmic zone" and O^3 (three oxygen atoms combined into an molecule, or "ozone" as it's usually named)
Basically, I think it's intended and not an error.
Other then those two details I agree entirely with this whole review.
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (May 27, 2010)
- Losalt, glad you liked my review. The sentence about forcing Megan is definitely in there. I cut and pasted it. As for the age issue, good point. There ARE places were 16 is legal, and there wasn't anything that indicated the story was taking place in the United States. I stand corrected. I confess to possessing a slightly biased Amero-centric view.
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| Reviewer:
IDCrewDawg
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 19, 2010 |
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Looking forward to the next chapters. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Charles E. Campbell
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 19, 2010 |
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An interesting and intriguing story concept. Well written and carefully crafted. I look forward to Megan's progression into the lifestyle (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (May 19, 2010)
- Thank you. I haven't posted a story in a while, but this subject has intrigued me for a while. I have just posted a couple more chapters, should be on the site at the next posting date. JK
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| Reviewer:
rocket71
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 16, 2010 |
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I liked the story tell chapter three when there got to be too many players. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Sir James
(Edit) (May 17, 2010)
- Thanks. But Chapter Four it gets less complicated and Megans life becomes more exciting.
I just posted Chapter 4 and 5. Should be out at the next up date.
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