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Claire's Journey into Submission and Torment
Author: Master Dave
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(Added on May 9, 2010)
(This month 155938 readers) (Total 201887 readers) |
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Claire is a 24 year old simple nice girl who applies for a job in an office. As she prepares for work on her first day she has no idea of the pain and torment in store for her |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 6 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Severe
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2011 |
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So, your characters are flat as cardboard, which means you shouldn't waste a single sentence on what they think or feel except in relation to how horny they are. Like, part one? About 80% of that should be cut. You could also stand to linger a bit more on the things happening to Claire. More detail, sounds, feelings, squeeze out another sentence or two of visuals...These things are extremely important to erotica. I can't even remember Claire's hair color, which is bad when you spend multiple paragraphs trying to convince me she's hot. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2010 |
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Characters are too shallow and the story too inclined on describing all kinds of depraved shenanigans from the word 'go' to let the reader, or more to the point -me, thoroughly enjoy "Claire's Journey".
Claire is the prototype of the ultimate airhead. Airheads are nice to have a go at in stories; in reality, they're not hired to become sales people... not even for the bubblegum they chew.
JJ (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Sabrina_0484
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 4, 2010 |
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I like it, is very hot, i hope it gets continued (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
bracemaiden
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2010 |
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Amusing, but the believability just flies out the window. Yeah, pretty much what Curtis said. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
jkim
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 15, 2010 |
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haha, i never care if it is realistic or not, as long as it is hot, and this is hot and creative! would be juiced to see more! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 13, 2010 |
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Interesting story — not believable, but a little hot. The guy who runs the office isn't seriously trying to make any sales, is he? Because he's hit on maybe the worst incentive plan in history. Claire can't even think straight, so how can she close? (7/10)
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