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Brooke
Author: bigbobby.
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(Added on Apr 27, 2010)
(This month 80729 readers) (Total 123235 readers) |
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Young Coed has more than the normal excellent adventures. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2010 |
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Why can't anyone finish a story? It's becoming an epidemic here on the BDSM Library. Someone writes out six pages of a novel, posts it, and then expects every one to rave over it. Okay, sorry. I just had to let that out. "Brooke" just happens to be like the sixth serial I've read today. Serials are hard to write because each installment needs to be a self-contained story that actually moves along a realistic overall plot arc. From the codes listed by the author (most of which did not happen in this first installment) I can surmise that a lot more of "Brooke" is coming. This leaves the reader in a bind. When you post serials, you have to literally rebuild the reader back to previous levels for sexual tension, interest, and reacquaint them with the characters. When you write a story, the idea is to take the reader up to the climax (and in erotic fiction you're hoping that the reader get's there too!). When you write a serial, you take the urgency out of it. Think about your favorite television show. Each episode is usually a complete story (even shows like 24), where there is tension build-up, a climax and either a resolution or a cliff-hanger (in order to draw you back in next week.) "Brooke" ends with neither resolution or cliff-hanger. Worse, the story ends in a way that makes me suspect that the author had climaxed and didn't want to bother writing more. Which has me even more worried for the next installment. *** The plot, while predictable, is still fresh in its telling, so that was relatively well done. Grammar was good, as was spelling, and the few minor errors I encountered didn't distract me terribly from the story telling. *** Brooke herself was a little over the top. How come I've never met girls like Brooke? You know, the ones who use sex as a weapon and a tool, all rolled into one? She's a bad girl and deserves something more than a vanilla screwing, which begs the question, why is this story coded so darkly when the very first sex scene is so vanilla I could give it to my parents and they wouldn't blush? It just doesn't vibe, and for people who judge a story by the codes, you're going to loose readers for next round because you didn't live up to the promise on the first one. *** I actually think the writer as some talent here. The writing isn't bad, in fact, it's actually pretty good. Where this story falls short is with its inception. What's the plot? Where is this going to go? Is there character development? What will Brooke be like at the end? Do I have my scenes mapped out and ready for writing? Is there development? These things make a mediocre story into a phenomenal one. The author has the ABILITY to write a phenomenal story, but I just don't feel like the foundation was laid here. Plan things out. Think about things like tension, build-up, development, descriptions, costumes, settings, and climax and I think you will find your ratings skyrocketing. Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 27, 2010 |
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Another predictable "Brooke" story, she sends photos of herself and emails inviting writers to write about her, and from the details she provides these almost standard tales are produced.
Too manufactured for my liking I'm afraid bigbobby, but I guess Brooke will like it. (6/10)
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