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A Story of Expedience
Author: Book of Evils
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(Added on Apr 27, 2010)
(This month 87846 readers) (Total 119732 readers) |
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Would she maintain her integrity or throw it over to save her sexual skin? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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33% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
HuManiMal
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 7, 2011 |
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Story telling not well written out, dialogue erratic, and mainly torture. Very NC story (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
crabsdf
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2010 |
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Great story, can't wait for more. My vote is her mind breaks and she becomes a complete sadomasochist. Unlike Michael there I thought there was a perfect balance of character description, dialogue and progression. The dialogue paints the picture of what the character might look like, the faces she might make and the movements as she struggles. Absolutely spot on writing, must have more! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 28, 2010 |
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This story is a classic example of too much dialog and not much else. While it's true that dialog moves a story along, it isn't what MAKES a story. Authors have to remember that like movie directors they are responsible for visuals, scene setting, descriptions, costume! What did this girl look like? All I know is that she's got big breasts! This story was told in first person, which can hamper inexperienced authors in giving readers informative descriptions that flesh out the story. *** I also had a bit of a problem with the way that the main character was restraining his victim: with fear of a gun. This is a bit of a plot hole. Guns are really only good for one thing: killing people, and even then handguns are considerably bad at doing that as well. As argumentative as the victim in this story is, I find it hard to believe that she is being held at bay by a gun. Why didn't she rush the guy, especially after finding out what he had in mind? And what was the rapist going to actually do if she did rush him or stop cooperating? Shoot her? Wouldn't that be a waste? Doesn't he have duct tape and rope in his "rape kit"? It just didn't make a lot of sense. *** The relationship between the "rapist" and the "victim" was also rather odd in this story. It was almost as if the rapist got as much pleasure out of verbally taunting his victim as he does out of torturing them. In fact, considering the way the story ended (with no actual snuff, despite the codes) I almost got the impression he was just toying with her. Of course the author might be intending to make this a serial story, which I advise against. The only way serials really work is if each section of the story has it's own sub arc and while moving toward the overall plot climax, can stand practically alone as a stand alone story. Building tension in your readers is very important. This story was not specifically short, but sexual tension took a long time to build because it was swamped with all the dialog. I hate to keep pounding on it, but don't have the characters tell us what they are going to do, have them DO IT. I would have thoroughly enjoyed the rapist's attitude, demeanor, and wit had he been saying all this stuff to the victim while she was bound in his basement and he was actually using all those neat tools in his briefcase. *** Grammar was acceptable with no major mistakes, so that was a plus, but it was also simplistic. There were very few compound sentences, even in the paragraphs that weren't dialog. I didn't clue in on any major misspellings, but I admit I was distracted by trying to figure out when the rapist was going to DO the stuff he was threatening, instead of just talking about it. Michael Alexander (www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Book of Evils
(Edit) (Apr 28, 2010)
- Hello Michael:
First and foremost let me thank you for taking the effort to reply with such a cogent and considered analysis of this story.
Regarding 'giving readers informative descriptions that flesh out the story', indeed that usually defines the norm. But might I suggest that virtually every male follower of the genre has a number, perhaps only two or three, ideal victims and that is the intent. Not to put my stamp of imagery on that victim but to permit the reader to substitute his personal favorite of his idealized victims. Whomever she is, she is to become the victim in the story and the reader substitute himself for me.
But, I have to admit I got lazy and made unreasonable assumptions. Book of Evils has developed a small but fairly loyal following of readers who revel in unconscionable violence and pervertedness. Almost all my followers already know from my previous submissions that I have a fully dedicated, secret, remote, torture facility that has a secret viewing room with a two way mirror similar to what you see in the cop TV dramas AND that always I have my victims secured by a strong, but thin, nylon line attached around their necks, strung up through a ceiling eyelet and connected to a ratchet device fixed to a far wall which allows me to lift the woman wholly off the ground suspended by her throat. Needless to say, that is why the handgun becomes really just a prop.
I would also suggest that a handgun is by far and away the most assured way guaranteed of achieving control over an unsuspecting and startled victim. The most memorable quote being, 'If he hadn't had a gun I would have kicked him in the balls but I was afraid he'd shoot me.'
"It was almost as if the rapist got as much pleasure out of verbally taunting his victim as he does out of torturing them. "
This could not be more accurate. The point being after the greatest risks have been nullified and the victim successfully kidnapped and contained (in the specially constructed facility) then there is absolutely no need to rush anything. The longer the better even stretching into days and weeks. I know you must be familiar with John Fowles classic, The Collector and it is after his approach that I have based my own writing format.
Regarding no actual snuff, again from my previous stories no victim lives to tell the tale.
If you feel inclined, could you please read some of my previous submissions where I feel I did not get lazy.
Of particular interest, story #4, A Christmas Editorial and the review from Smith and Wesson whom I believe to have been a police officer involved in the real life case and my response to him.
Also #15, Buddies and Kindred Spirits. I believe the stages are set as you indicate they should be.
I want to stress, I do thank you for the thought and analysis you have dedicated to my efforts.
Best regards.
BofE
- Replied by:
Michael247
(Edit) (Apr 29, 2010)
- BofE, I'd be happy to read a complete story of yours. As you recommend I'll try "A Christmas Editorial". I also served as a law enforcement officer and am an avid shooter. Perhaps my knowledge of firearms biases me against this method of control. I do find it odd that another police officer however would support this method. Usually, police officer are taught not to draw their weapons unless there is a good chance that they will be forced to use them. When you shoot someone, there usually is only one outcome. *** As to your explanation toward the lack of victim description, I can see your point. I too leave some vagueness in the descriptions of my female characters, with the exception of hair color, in order to allow readers to envision the character as they will. Perhaps my example was poorly choosen, but I was trying to exemplify the fact that very little of anything is described. What color was the briefcase? This "room" or "structure" she was in, what did it look like? Where there tables or chairs? When the rapist left the room to get an ice cube why didn't the victim grab a vase and stand next to the doorway waiting for him to come in? Was it because there WASN'T a vase? Or was it because she was afraid of getting shot? See? For a lot of authors I like to remind them that writing is a lot like movie making. But worse. As a writer you have to wear all the hats. You have to be the screen writer, handling plot, tension, and dialog. You have to direct, handling action. You have to build the sets, handle lighting, place props, and then you have to be the camera man too, except instead of taking a picture of the set and the characters, you have to describe it. This was what I was getting at. *** You admitted you left out some really serious descriptions about the way the victim was secured. Perhaps this was part of the reason I was lead to believe that the gun was the primary restraint tool. *** I look forward to reading your Christmas Story. I'll get to it sometime today. If it's really long, I'll probably post the analysis/review on my blog: www.michaelalexanderstories.blogspot.com
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