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Winterthorne
Author: ElizaC
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(Added on Mar 20, 2010)
(This month 8729 readers) (Total 11409 readers) |
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While at Winterthorne, Eden and her friends embark on journeys of self discovery. While there, her heart is stolen by a Master that seems to be out of reach. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
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of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 6, 2010 |
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I took a bit of a gamble on reading this one because the author didn't provide any codes to indicate what a reader might be walking into. I suppose what gave me the initial green light was the short length. I mean seriously, I can deal with 14kb of anything...well usually. But I was pleasantly surprised.
*** The first thing I need to point out is that the author is pretty good at sentence construction. Everything was lined up properly and there weren't any weird constructs or run-on sentences, or convoluted sentences packed with prepositional phrases. Trust me, I can appreciate that. That said the author has a problem with using improper words in occasional spots. The one that glared the most was "lied" in the sentence "...that he realized what lied beneath her shy exterior." and again in "...that behind it lied a passion...". LAY. LAY!
***The opening of the story was a little slow and haphazard. I say this because it appears the author is setting the stage for two different plots. One is the upcoming employment or acceptance at Winterthorne (which evidently has very strict standards that I'm very curious about) and the romantic/physical relationship between Eden and Krieger. Then, to my astonishment, the real meat of the story had nothing to do with either sub-plot setting. In reality, the story was a retelling of Eden's slow descent into self-arousal and satisfaction. Granted, it was a great telling of a f-self story, but why spend the time to tell us about Winterthorne if the story is only about Eden getting herself off?
*** All of this makes me suspect a serial. I hate serials. The reason I don't like serials is because it means I have to go back and re-read the original episodes in order to figure out what is happening because generally the serials don't come out frequently enough. It drives me ape. My other usual complaint about serials is that many authors forget that each serial episode has to be a self-contained story in and of itself, like a television program. In this particular case, (if this is a serial story), then the author did a good job with the first handout. It also explains the stage setting with both Winterthorne and Krieger. Maybe its just my own particular preference that if I'm going to read a novel length story that it comes to me all at once.
*** One of the things I want to point out here is how excellent the descriptions are. The author gets right into the nitty gritty and I could picture quite easily in my mind every little detail. Usually, BDSM Library submissions are light on description, focusing on action and dialog. In this particular case, the author eschewed dialog (which is normally a prime plot movement device) and focused on action and description. With no dialog, it explains the slow movement of the plot (if Eden's masturbation scene could be called a plot), but the author totally makes up for it with descriptions that are borderline perfect. Not to little, not to much.
*** AVOID CLICHES ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T GET THEM RIGHT! I audibly sighed in exasperation when I read "It was not until that faithful night..." FATEFUL! It's FATEFUL. Not faithful. Was she being faithful when she met Krieger? It doesn't even make sense. I know, the author used ONE cliche, but the standard rule of thumb is to avoid tired worn out cliches like "that's the way the cookie crumbles" and "strong as an ox". (Please note the irony in "rule of thumb! Cute huh?)
*** Okay, I'm done yelling now. I want to stress very strongly that I think the author of Winterthorne has some major budding talent in the writing department. In fact, its not the writing itself that is the issue, but story construction that needs a little bit of work. She's already way better than I was when I wrote my first story. God I sucked. In any event, I expect this author's work to move from a seven to a ten rather quickly as she gets a few more stories (or chapters of Winterthorne) under her belt. To that end, she has my kudos and best wishes. Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (8/10)
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