|
|
|
|
|
How Jenna became a slave
Author: HeadHunter_t
|
| |
(Added on Feb 14, 2010)
(This month 71403 readers) (Total 93746 readers) |
| |
a yong girl who dosent know mutch about sex gets her first computer with internet and finds a site that allows adds for slaves thing go quickly from there |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 14% |
14% |
43% |
0% |
29% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (3.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (3.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Losalt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 17, 2010 |
| |
This makes me think of a blind person using a screen reader or something to write..
It's not easy to know how something is spelled if you've only heard it before..
Still, there are tools to help you with that even if you're blind.. (3/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 8, 2010 |
| |
I am sorry for such a poor rating but I could not even get a quarter of the way through the story because it is clearly not written in English.
The characters are totally unbelieveable unless they are part of a 13 year old boy's wet dream. (1/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jheller69
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2010 |
| |
Could have potential but needs a serious rewrite due to spelling, grammar, and juvenile content. Spelling errors make it hard to read and the story jumps too much.
This has the appearance of a young writers first attempt at putting a fantasy in print. Well done for putting it out there but proofreading and editing are a must for future works. (3/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 16, 2010 |
| |
Baffling rendition of what seems to be an ill-conceived fantasy by the author. Baffling, because of the gutwrenching style and grammer. The latter lets surmise that English isn't the writer's native language. At least, I hope so for his/her sake...
Story is very weak. It's like the author baked a bread, squashed it with a hammer and presented us with the crumbs that were scattered about. Very hard to puzzle through the chunks to find the original, or intended, shape.
I suggest that HeadHunter_t learns decent English first, then looks at a few recipes to see how to bake a decent bread...
JJ (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
ArosDK
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 16, 2010 |
| |
I can see the potential, but a spell check and a much smaller laps in the story would be good (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
easyd
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 14, 2010 |
| |
ok but too slow. (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Major Littmann
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 14, 2010 |
| |
It doesn't work, try 14, even 16 for the character's age but not 19 years old unless she's a retard. It needs decent punctuation, capitalisation, quotes, and needs decent characterizations, 19 year olds talking like 50 year olds doesnt get it done.
Word usage is lousy, Grate is a fireplace, Great is good, get it? poor very nearly a 2/10 (3/10)
|
|
|
About 