|
|
|
|
|
The Transformation into Belle
Author: Sawa
|
| |
(Added on Dec 31, 2009)
(This month 114143 readers) (Total 135681 readers) |
| |
A teen finds herself in a strange white room. What happened? Why her? Witness her slow transformation into Belle. Who is Belle? RAFO. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
75% |
25% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jazzfan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 25, 2010 |
| |
Very nice beginning. As others have noted, the writing/grammar are great. Like a number of other stories I've read, reformatting the styled to provide more separation between paragraphs (and possibly a larger, more readable font) would definitely help the flow of the story.
My only criticism is that the kind of isolation and sensory deprivation you describe would probably cause more psychological reaction, and deterioration in the girl's resistance. I also suggest that you either introduce or rewrite a little more back story or characterization, unless you plan to start with blank canvas, which could be either more or less interesting.
In closing, you should note that all of these comments indicate that readers are interested in your story and want to see more! (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
graycat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2010 |
| |
Really interesting beginning! Slow start, but it shows a lot of forethought and logic. Great for imprisonment fans. Plus, good grammar and style throughout! Keep it up, I'm looking forward to reading more. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
texanpauline
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 2, 2010 |
| |
Promising start. This story could go in any direction, but the writing is good. I think I agree with JimmyJump though - I want to identify with the poor girl, and it would help to know more about what she's thinking and feeling being shut in a white box for so long. She must be terribly anguished, scared....
Rated 8 for a promising start. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 1, 2010 |
| |
Very well written preliminary to something that might become top material.
To know for sure, we'll have to wait until more chapters are posted.
But the trend is set. Nicely even. I just regret that as of the second chapter, the pace picks up severely, without going into the charcacter's feeling too much, nor some details. Like, there' mentioning and details of the embarassing feat of having to pee in a litterbox, but nothing is said about having to take a crap, which also needs paper...
Anyway, like I said, Sawa has me eagerly awaiting what comes next.
JJ (9/10)
|
|
|
About 