|
|
|
|
|
Trouble in the Kitchen
Author: Hamlet45
|
| |
(Added on Dec 4, 2008)
(This month 15868 readers) (Total 42259 readers) |
| |
Marie is a model whose inconsiderate behavior drives her boyfriend to drastic measures |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
40% |
20% |
20% |
20% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 7, 2010 |
| |
While the grammar is good there a large number of spelling errors. The real problem i have with this story is the following section of text:-
Marie looked at Dave helplessly and then nodded her head a made a muffled noise in the direction of her modeling portfolio.
“Oh and that… well it would be very difficult for you to afford to make another one after I burn it and kick you out of the apartment. I am sure you two friends would never take advantage of the fact that they could easily subvert you and get all those jobs you always took from them by sleeping with the photographers and editors. No they would help you get back on your feet I am sure.” Dave said ironically, knowing that Lexi and Kate were cut throat and would relish the chance to take work from Marie and leave her high and dry.
Yet she has no work and is unable to pay the rent? i know nothing of the modelling world, is it normal for an apparently successful model to have long periods without work?
Other than that i enjoyed these two chapters and look forward to reading more about these two and where their new realationship goes.
(6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
caged-boy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 10, 2008 |
| |
This is a wonderful example of erotica.
The plot is interesting and moves at a good pace, the descriptions good. The author also uses grammar properly and does a good job communicating with the written word.
Please keep up the good work. (9/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
Tleanne5664
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 10, 2008 |
| |
The plot was decent, could've used one more go at editing. These are strong characters, and I am curious about the picture that inspired it. Flesh it out, and then keep going! (6/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
monique997
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 9, 2008 |
| |
Good story, write more chapters please. (8/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 5, 2008 |
| |
good start would love to read more (7/10)
|
|
|
About 