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FREEDOM: Class Warfare
Author: Razor7826
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(Added on Oct 31, 2008)
(This month 77199 readers) (Total 109121 readers) |
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A truly free society grants people full control over their own lives, no matter how horrible their decisions may seem. In a world of contractual slavery, what deals would people make, what sadistic games would they play? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 8 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 13, 2011 |
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I thoroughly enjoyed this story and would have marked it as a ten bar for those points raised by JimmyJump.
I am quite happy with the actual sex scenes being bland, I rather liked the tension leading upto those scenes. If one looks at movies made before WWII you see very little violence and NO sex but the film clearly directs the viewers mind as what is/was about to happen.
My only real disappointment is we get very little about the feelings of those who had been raped and lost their virginity (male as well as female). It is hinted at once near the end, but I would have thought that though they won, having been violated so badly would still have left the victors traumatised.
As I said a good story but what about the rest of it? at the end of part 7 ("Game Over") we get the cryptic comment
******* "Elizabeth Monseto’s mysterious disappearance, or the silver lining in the lives of those who once faced unending sorrow." ***** So what happens to Liz? Also what happens between Lauren and Gregg, does he pull the wool over her eyes or do they become to like/love/respect one another.
Come on it is over a year since the last posting it is time for some more ........ pretty please. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 17, 2009 |
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Very good story. But... there's a few technicalities that hamper fluent reading.
I've said this before: often a scene is worked out to perfection in the mind, but when that scene is transferred to paper, a lot of the details get stuck in the mind-scene.
The author doesn't notice, because upon going over what has been written, the envisioned mind-scene is played automatically, filling out the missed details.
The reader however, doesn't have those small details, and as a consequence feels stuff is missing, or he/she gets confused.
For instance, there's a couple of situations where the author refers to a person as 'he' or 'she', without the reader knowing which person is referred to.
The author knows it, because he has the scene with it's antagonists clearly in mind, but that 'detail' of putting a name to the 'he' or 'she' is forgotten, confusing the reader.
Also, when introducing a whole lot of characters in one go, in the beginning it is best to mention folks with their full names and titles, to avoid confusion. Once the story is moving on, say past the first chapter, readers will know who is who and the full name/title are no longer needed.
Anyway, like I said, I thought the story to be very good, bar the confusion that ensues for reasons I explained earlier.
Oh, and there's also a lot of errors, in the form of words that have been omitted.
JJ (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
mastah007
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 11, 2008 |
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Very good story. As others have said not that much effort put into the sex scenes so far, but more into the overall scenario and the characters. I hope there will be new chapters that focus on what happened afterwards with a stronger emphasis on the sexual duties of the slaves now that we know the characters and context well.
I would advice you to focus on only a couple of the slaves/masters to avoid spreading out the story too much. It might be beneficial to the story if the slaves are somehow divided up (Elizabeth buys most of them?) so there aren't 10 different slaves with 10 different masters for each, that's too complicated to make a good story IMO.
Recommendations for future chapters:
- Smaller number of characters
- More detailed sexual slavery and torture
The story is very well told, it is obvious the author knows what he/she is doing, this isn't a story by a rookie ;)
I sincerely hope you continue the story, it seems like a *very* good setup for a lot of very sexy scenarios in future chapters.
And my last point: I LOVE how the evil bitch wins, *that* is just SEXY! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 16, 2008)
- Yes, there are many more chapters coming for this story, as well as several other 'FREEDOM' stories that take place in the same world but follow different casts of characters.
As for the size of the cast, yes, I completely agree that at this point it seems too big. However, there really is a lot in store for the slaves and masters. Everybody will have their moment to shine, either in a chapter that focuses explicitly on them, or as a significant character in somebody else's tale.
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| Reviewer:
Chuckdom19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 7, 2008 |
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A fine story from a really accomplished writer. The scenario is interesting and makes sense, as a logical outflow from the Supreme Court judgement. Unfortunately, the story has no zing in the sex; it reads kind of like it was added on or something, out of obligation to the venue. I'd like to see more exciting scenes of that, and it would earn a better score. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 16, 2008)
- The subsequent chapters are more focused on the sex; so much ground needed to be covered in these opening chapters that overly long sex scenes would have bogged down the pacing and made it harder for the reader to finish.
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| Reviewer:
TheVariableX
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 6, 2008 |
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This was a strange one for me.
I enjoyed the story much as I could have a well written piece of non erotic fiction. In fact, at least for me, the actual sex in the story did very little. Indeed the fear of it was a far more powerful element than when it actually happened.
While reading this story I was continually thinking of another story, which I have since checked and was not all all surprised to see you are the author of as well. This is a compliment, I enjoyed that story (The Emperor's Daughter) as well.
At least for me, I found the sex in this story to be rather bland. Though I do smile at the notion of considering young adults viciously gang raping each other tame. I remember thinking similar thoughts in The Emperor's Daughter as well. Still, you can't please everyone and there is no point in trying.
In both stories, the characters, their plight and the ongoing story were enough to hold my attention, which is commendable.
You write well and I think I shall spend some time reading the rest of your work.
(8/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 16, 2008)
- You bring up a good point about how the story isn't 'erotic' in the traditional sense. Though the sex isn't the emphasis, where else would a story like this belong? It is distinctly BDSM themed, and explicit rape scenes are a taboo subject at most fiction sites.
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| Reviewer:
littleone_
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 5, 2008 |
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One word, "Amazing." it had me for the first word to the last. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 16, 2008)
- Thank you very much for your kind words.
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| Reviewer:
lauren39
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 4, 2008 |
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I loved the premise and am a huge fan of rivalry or competitive type stories as they bring out the emotions of success and failure and winning and losing. The moment when the loser has the "what have I done or gotten myself into" can be emotionally erotic. I have not read Razor7826 stories before but he has given me the motivation to do so.
Stories that develop the characters, their motivations and emotions are the outstanding ones. Just action stories do not invest me in the plots. Razor did a nice job early in the story describing Judy's nervousness over the contract and that pulled me in immediately.
I somewhat agree with Falcon that the story was a bit redundant with the violence however I found it every enjoyable and appreciate the authors abilities and efforts. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 16, 2008)
- Thank you for reviewing my work, doubly so for being the first story on the site that motivated you to leave a review. "emotionally erotic", as you say, is exactly what I was going for with this story.
There's a lot more to come, though it might take a month or so before another chapter is ready.
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| Reviewer:
Falcon
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 2, 2008 |
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Author raises some interesting philosophical questions, and sets up an interesting basic scenario. The story itself suffers from too much repetitive violence and a lack of interesting character development. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Razor7826
(Edit) (Nov 2, 2008)
- Thank you for your comments. Your feelings parallel my own; these opening chapters are too focused on repetitive violence to set up the later, more interesting chapters.
Before continuing with the story, I might revise it and reduce the scope a bit; there are more characters than I originally thought I needed.
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