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Pleasing Billy
Author: Excalibur
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(Added on Jun 22, 2008)
(This month 28510 readers) (Total 48316 readers) |
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Billy wanted to see how far he could push someone...Heather was the unwilling volunteer. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Gordi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2008 |
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Cool cool cool torture ideas. I think the hardest thing to do in this genre is to come up with original devices. And the fact that he had no real grudge on her but tortured her in more of a scientific kind of way - that's awesome.
That said, I wish there was some dialogue. And you did a fine job of describing her mindset, but not really the mindset of the guy. He seemed rather indifferent, but you could definitely have gone into his power trip and descent into madness, rather than talk about Civil War history. Watching a man become a violent animal is erotic, how-to manuals on how to abduct people are not. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 23, 2008 |
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This was not a bad first stab at erotica, though it was lacking in many ways. First of all, it needs a proper edit. Misused words abound - "there" for "they" and "her" for "he", etc. Really, a proper edit would help tremendously. Also, juvenile and lazy terms like "pubes" in the naration drag this story down signifigantly, as do the use of cliches. Finally, this is a common story theme (nothing wrong with that) that needs far more imagination to keep it from becoming a stock piece of torture erotica. As it stands it is sub-par.
**Excalibur - I recomend a trip to the Writers Block to improve your skills. You have potential - but you need to get your skills honed. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
Gordi
(Edit) (Jun 25, 2008)
- What are you smoking, Dean?
#1 Pleasing Billy by Excalibur
#2 Emma's Party by Excalibur
#3 Mary's Last Journey by Excalibur
#4 Jack's Night Out by Excalibur
#5 Lisa's Demise by Excalibur
#6 Emily by Excalibur
#7 the wife by Excalibur
#8 Anna by Excalibur
#9 Penny's Ordeal by Excalibur
#10 Terri by Excalibur
#11 Faye by Excalibur
#12 Amy by Excalibur
#13 Subway by Excalibur
#14 Sylvie by Excalibur
#15 Victim by Excalibur
#16 Alice by Excalibur
#17 Strange Encounter by Excalibur
#18 Julie by Excalibur
#19 The Camping Holiday by Excalibur
#20 Sally's first time by Excalibur
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Jun 26, 2008)
- Your point, Gordi? Is it to show me that he must be an outstanding writer by shear quantity? If so, your logic is severely faulty.
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| Reviewer:
Mothbrad
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 22, 2008 |
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Quite an enjoyable story that moves in a straight line. Some things I might have liked to see in there as well are more insights into the emotions of the characters, as well as a little more detail of each of the torments. Otherwise, I hope we get to see Sue in the room! (7/10)
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