|
|
|
|
|
The Maid
Author: Carl Burbick
|
| |
(Added on Jun 22, 2008)
(This month 49858 readers) (Total 58733 readers) |
| |
A truth or dare game among friends wnet a little to far. With me becoming a male maid. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
67% |
33% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (3/10) |
Average
Rating:  (2.5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (3/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 21, 2008 |
| |
not mcu to offer the the font and color you used makes it nearly impossble to read (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
badspyro
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 24, 2008 |
| |
Bad punctuation, no level of detail what so ever, and it seems, from the deterioration of the punctuation and use of words that this was typed while masturbating.
The premise however, was good, and it could be expanded a lot further with a bit of thought put into it. (2/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
SirBosk1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 22, 2008 |
| |
From a writing skill stand point, there are a lot of errors such as using the wrong word. For example, using weather for whether, your for you're. There are also several instances of extra words that could be left over from the author's editing that were missed when the final draft was released. I have done that in my own writing as well. It's difficult to proof read your own writing sometimes. The mind has a tendancy to read what you meant instead of what you wrote. I usually ask a good friend to read it for me to pick up errors.
The story had a good start. However, I didn't see the motivation to submit to the Dominant couple. From a dare to post maid pictures to actually submitting as a sissy maid with nothing in between, didn't work for me. I would have liked it more if there was some blackmail or force from the buddies or something to make it happen. Maybe the friends take the responses from the advertizement, bind him and take him to his first service appointment? He likes the humiliation and then handles his own ads?
(3/10)
|
|
|
About 