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My Daughter Becomes My Mistress
Author: Lockedup57
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(Added on Jan 11, 2008)
(This month 207175 readers) (Total 318572 readers) |
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I was into self-bondage but this desire would soon get much more complicated when my children found out. I never knew how strong my daughter could be. She became my mistress and I became her servant. She instantly knew her life would get better and much more pleasurable knowing her mother would serve her every whim. Is this what I wanted??? |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 12 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
lockedup737
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 21, 2008 |
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This is a messeg to all who wish to comment on this story. The yahoo acount, "Lockedup57", crashed on me and was unrecoverable. PLease leave a messege at my new bdsm handle, "Lockedup737@yahoo.com. THX (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
BJK
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 19, 2008 |
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Great story. I even created a profile specifically to review this story. I gave it an 8/10 because of a few glaring typos but otherwise it deserves 9/10. I only wish there was some anal involvement/punishment. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
bobcatsky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 16, 2008 |
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GOOD JOB,PUT COULD USE SOME IMPROVMENT IN AREAS (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
gundam
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 6, 2008 |
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the plot of the story is great, but i do agree w/ other reviewers in that reading it was kind of hard. Still i see vast improvement as the chapters goes on
Since I enjoyed reading the story, and that is what I will based my rating :-) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
AlphaBeta
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 3, 2008 |
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I struggled with what to rate this. On the one hand, the mechanical elements like grammar, spelling, and formatting are often distractingly bad, although I do think that they've improved as the story has gone on. (I'm writing this after reading up through part 8.) On the other, the story is extremely hot for fans of exhibitionism and humiliation -- if the storycodes appeal to you, there's a good chance you'll find this awfully erotic. It fits firmly within the subgenre containing stories like Tracy in Trouble, Allie and Nicole, and Cheerleader Picture, but manages to avoid many cliches of the genre and bring some creative new ideas to the table. This is definitely a story that I check back for each week, and it's great for what it is -- which is humiliation stroke, pure and simple. I had to read some of the parts in two sittings . . . which is high praise. Unfortunately, the technical issues, lack of characterization, and repetitiveness kept me from rating it higher than a 7. Here's hoping Lockedup keeps writing, though, because he'll only improve with time. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
eb6110
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 17, 2008 |
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There are some good ideas in here
the gril a to yung (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
MrAccess
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 17, 2008 |
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Technically it may be flawed but this is a totally enjoyable story. I hope you can continue with the same level of novelty without becoming predictable, repetitive or ridiculous (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
sub_for_you
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 14, 2008 |
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I was going to give it a 6 or 7 for encouragement, but "6" is defined as "acceptable writing skills," and my story only got 7's after literally months of checking and re-checking, and trying to improve every little thing about it. So, anyway, here's a five.
The story was quite erotic I thought, and I'm very interested in more chapters, but I agree with what everyone has said so far, including lapses in logic and word choice. I had even had the thought that English might not be your first language.
I suggest you get a proofreader (ask on this site, in the writers' section), clean up the 1st two chapters and re-submit. Then go from there. You've got potential. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 13, 2008 |
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I agree with rolf (and Kitty's wrong; there are paragraphs, just big ones and not broken up properly). There is too much reliance upon spellcheck and not enough recognition that while the spelling is right, the words are wrong.
The story itself is pretty good, though a little repetitive and with a couple of contradictions and lapses in logic (at the end her fifteen year old daughter suddenly becomes fourteen, for example). There are some good ideas in here, the grammar is generally good, and sentence structure is MUCH better than the paragraph structure. In a couple of places the author gets inventive, and the use of (and level of) foreshadowing is better than in several of the better-written stories I've read here recently.
To sum up, if you find yourself a proofreader, I agree with rolf that this story could be an '8'. There's real promise here. Keep trying. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
rolf palsy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 13, 2008 |
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You need to work on your choice of words; "plane" instead of "plain" for example while ridding your story of words such as all variations of the word, "cloth". Please try to reduce the size of these gargantuan paragraphs that make reading your sometimes interesting story a very painful experience and hard on the eyes as well.
On the plus side, most of your stock characters fit well within the context of your story. Mom is sort of believable and I do like her children and their friends, especially the daughter. She's my idea of a budding mistress. The story would benefit from more action and perhaps a combining of the children's efforts so mom gets discipline 24/7 until she's completely trained to start hustling her body for money to support her brood and their new habits. Do all these things and your story probably gets an 8, which isn't chopped liver. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Kitty Trainer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 12, 2008 |
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No paragraphs. Automatic 1 from me. (1/10)
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