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Elizabeths Night
Author: Kris_2
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(Added on Sep 13, 2007)
(This month 16023 readers) (Total 28191 readers) |
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Elizabeth has recently began submitting to her husband Michaels liking. Now is the time for him to increase her devotion through a surprise piercing and a horny professor. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (8/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 22, 2007 |
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The story is well thought out, the descriptions are vivid, the only problem is formating. To say your paragraphs are overly long is to minimize the problem. Dialog should go into separate paragraphs for each new speaker. You do that occasionally but you should do it more consistently. Giant blocks of text twenty sentences long can scare off readers. (8/10)
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