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The modification factory
Author: Naug
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(Added on Jun 12, 2007)
(This month 37138 readers) (Total 58150 readers) |
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Our heroine falls down the rabbit hole and find\'s herself in a fetishistic world of intrigue, plotting, ritualized lesbanism and strong willed beastmen. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Zanneel
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 29, 2015 |
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The quality of writing is very impressive indeed. Too often do most writers fall into the trap of "And they wanted to do a thing and then they did a thing" writing, it's nice to see some actual effort put into the story, and some decent literary chops on display. Worth taking a look if you're interested in above-average writing capabilities. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Selash
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 22, 2007 |
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Very nice piece. I hope to see more installments. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Lana
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 13, 2007 |
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I enjoyed the concept of this..was unexpected and not what you would usually read here. I am looking forward to more installments with a bit more fleshing out of the characters..ie: the beastmen etc (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 12, 2007 |
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The concept of this story was something I really enjoyed. It was quite different from what I am accustomed to reading here. I will add that it is a rather erotic story notion.
My complaints are about the story's execution. First, it seemed rushed. Things happened far too quickly in this tale; so fast that they lost the eroticism and terror that they should have had. I will also note that there were many misplaced words "my" for "me", etc. This definately had a dampening effect on the story.
Also, the opening section needed better development. When you open with such a strange and far-out scenerio you need to get some sort of explanation in as to how these things are possible. Failing to do so makes it nearly impossible to bring a reader into the story. I, for one, found myself thinking that these things were ridiculous. A better set-up would have stifled that reaction.
Naug, I hope I am not discouraging you in any way, shape of form. The concept is quite intriguing and would like to see more. Before I do see more, though, I would like to see the first offering fleshed out better. I would like to see the needed corrections fixed and, most of all, I would urge you to take a little more time. This could be an excellent story if you were more patient and careful with your crafting. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Naug
(Edit) (Jun 13, 2007)
- Thanks H Dean for your lengthy review, I really appreciate it.
After reading your review I reread the first chapter of my story and I could only feel embarrassed. Sure, English is not my mother tongue, but the amount of spelling errors was truly horrible. I going to have to review the text again and fix all that. I mean, I sometimes do errors like swapping "of" and "off" or "to" and "too", but usually not this severe. Anyway, thanks for pointing it out in such a gentle way.
And regarding the story's pacing, I was mostly going for a kind of a In media res thing, just throwing the reader right in the thick of it, but maybe it was too slow for an In media res approach and too fast for anything else, I'm not really sure how to fix that without rewriting the entire chapter, but I'll look into it.
And, I also like the concept. That's usually how my process works, first i get a concept then i flesh out the details. I probably got a bit overzealous here and forgot about some of the details from the excitement of writing it.
As you mentioned, maybe just adding a introductory part no more than half a page should ease things up a little.
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Jun 13, 2007)
- Naug, I am one who enjoys a solid build up to a story. I would have liked it a bit more drawn out...some explanation of how things were working. A thought that might help you is to present the girl in her end product remembering what all had happened to her...wondering how it was possible. Acknowledgement of the implausibility of a situation can work on the reader as much as thorough explanation by making them wonder along with the victim.
Also, I would suggest editing two chapters at a time - get to a third and fourth and then edit one and two again. Then, after drafting the next chapter, edit the first again and submit. Following this process you can really get a grip on all the mistakes...sometimes you can even find better phrasings or things that make no sense.
Now, get back to writing.
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