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The Amazon Queen
Author: RiverOtter
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(Added on May 29, 2007)
(This month 132966 readers) (Total 164105 readers) |
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A young noblewoman is exiled from her home to a strange island where she finds intrigue, adventure and sexual slavery. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
BruceCC
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 27, 2007 |
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A superior effort. Not too harsh, not to soft. The characters are coming along nicely, and the story line (so far) is believable. Looking forward to reading more. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (Jul 4, 2007)
- Thank you!
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| Reviewer:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2007 |
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This story is, in my opinion, a weird mix of good and bad writing. I love the setting and the dynamic you build in chapter one and two. However there are bad things that distract from the good. Sometimes there are sentences or short paragraphs that make me pause and wonder. Why was it necessary to state that? Or this character's reaction is not consistent with her personality. It's only here and there and on the whole its a good story but these mistakes break the flow. I think you could really profit from an editor who does more than point out spelling mistakes. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (Jul 4, 2007)
- I dunno; I kinda liked it, but it was a first effort and went through a lot of revisions as it was written. That may be the reason it seems uneven at times. I'm definitely trying to get better, and I think the story improves as it goes.
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| Reviewer:
azrlg17
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 30, 2007 |
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I liked it so far. I only found it strange that a woman who rather lets herself get whipped than submitting to her jailers doesn't offer any resistance to her enslavement. She should have at last held out till the choice was death or slavery. It would also be nice if she fought some more and tried (successfully?) to escape or at least rejected Keira. Please don't let her fall in love with her new slavery immediately like in so many other stupid stories.
I don't like the idea of the lilith. It is part of slavery that some people are disgusted by what they have to do and fight to death against it.
(7/10)
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- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (May 30, 2007)
- That's a good idea; I didn't write any escape attempts unfortunately. I tried to imply that the only choice given here *was* slavery or death, and if a slave tries to run away it means she's chosen death. Later chapters make it more clear, I think. The idea was that the sub tries her best to accept the situation even if she doesn't "fall in love" right away.
- Replied by:
azrlg17
(Edit) (Jun 2, 2007)
- It didn't seem like her only choice was death or slavery in the 1st chapter. She was after all asked whether she wanted to stay or be a slave.
What I found interesting was that Keira was puzzled why Amber would want freedom. I think it would be interesting if a benevolent mistress like that who wants to protect a slave got one who was disgusted with her new position. One that couldn't adapt to her new position and was miserable. That would certainly be more interesting than the millionth story where the slave comes to love her new life and mistress.
- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (Jul 4, 2007)
- I plead guilty of cliche. To me it's just not sexy if the sub is miserable all the time. I am, however, working on a new story that happens to contain the scenario you suggested. But I still like this one. *Updated the first chapters to make it more consistent
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| Reviewer:
phoenix072124
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 30, 2007 |
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It was a good start, and the next chapter was great. Looking forward to reading more soon. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (Jul 29, 2007)
- Thank you :)
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| Reviewer:
Venom
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 30, 2007 |
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Very homogeneous in style. Indeed the passages of narration slow
down the sexual content. Maybe some more drastically highlights
like the branding scene at the end would loosen up the story (let
the whipping scene go further, for example). To emphasise the
fantasy aspect, bring in some more details of your world, like
pseudo-historical facts ("...in the seventh year of King Krusty's
reign..."). But, on the other hand, your story pleasantly is free
of amazon clichés. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
RiverOtter
(Edit) (Jul 4, 2007)
- I think you're right; looking back these first couple of chapters took a while to get going. The next chapters have more action. Hopefully the style isn't too dull. *Added some proper place names to flesh out the setting.
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