|
|
|
|
|
The Joys of Submission
Author: Willowedancer
|
| |
(Added on Sep 19, 2001)
(This month 9376 readers) (Total 20510 readers) |
| |
When a slave forgets her place, and lets pleasure be her Master. She pays a price. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
9 |
10 |
| 0% |
0% |
0% |
60% |
20% |
20% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
0% |
|
Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 9, 2004 |
| |
the story did nothing for me, sorry (5/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
le forgeron
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 8, 2003 |
| |
It's seem that there is too much stress on the reporter, whereas the time to report should be
taken slowly.
Also, by the end, it become difficulter to read,
as it is not always obvious whether it's a dialog or action report.
(4/10)
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
jonathan
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 28, 2001 |
| |
Sour grapes notwithstanding, I have to agree with hyphen666. My opinion agrees
closely with his. However, I'll try to go into a little more detail.
1. This is a vignette rather than a short story. It has only two characters and covers
a single sexual encounter. There's no plot to speak of. Especially in a vignette,
you can sacrifice plot for character study, but that doesn't happen here. It's not
like we haven't read this one before. There's not much new or original here.
2. This story bounces back and forth between first and second person perspective.
It's very difficult to pull off a second person story so most people don't use it. As
a result, 2nd person is used almost exclusively by beginners (who, after some
experience, stop using it). This would have been a better story if it had stayed in
first person all the way through.
3. The characters are undeveloped and one dimensional. The problem with the
female character is that I don't care what happens to her. She's just there and
things are done to her. Some of them might have been erotic if she was more
interesting. The male character I actively dislike. He spews venom and abuse
at every opportunity and seems to be someone who likes to shout a lot. He
reminds me of the people who try to disguise their ineptitude with bluster. I
suppose you could call that character development, but I don't think he was
intended to be repulsive. The female character apparently loves him, but he
seems unworthy and she seems a fool.
4. There are a number of mistakes in grammar and punctuation. These detract
from the story, but fixing them would not fix this story.
5. So what would fix this story? I would prefer a story in which the female lead
was sufficiently interesting that I would care what happened to her. I like the
contradictory emotions created when I want her to escape whatever predicament
she is currently in but at the same time I'm turned on by what's happening to her.
That just doesn't happen here. It would also be nice if her antagonist was at
least interesting (repulsive and interesting is okay, but repulsive by itself doesn't
do it). It would also be nice if something happened. I have a strong preference
for a story with a plot.
Hope that helps. (4/10) (4/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
hyphen666
(Edit) (Sep 27, 2001)
- I am in awe of this review, or putting it another way, I wish I'd said that.
- Replied by:
hyphen666
(Edit) (Sep 27, 2001)
- I am in awe of this review, or to put it another way, I wish I'd said that.
|
|
|
|
|
| Reviewer:
hyphen666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 20, 2001 |
| |
I guess writing about one's dark fantasies is good for the author, but not for the reader when the plot is hackneyed, the characters unbelievable and the motivation for the gratuitous violence and the use of sex as an instrument of torture are not well justified. (4/10)
|
| |
- Replied by:
Willowe13
(Edit) (Sep 20, 2001)
- Sounds like sour grapes to me.
|
|
|
About 