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Asian Chronicles 1
Author: Kouji
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(Added on Nov 8, 2006)
(This month 14172 readers) (Total 28052 readers) |
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High school tennis star stays late for practice but two classmates decide to change her routine. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
arno strine
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 10, 2006 |
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I'm all about the premise of the story. But I recommend re-editing this chapter before moving on as there are some glaring inconsistancies. For example, you mention that your female victim is 18 and has been dating her HS quarterback for 1 1/2 years. You imply they've never gone much past kissing. (kinda unrealistic, no?) Then, a few PPs later, you describe how she occasionally gave the QB blowjobs (and didn't like to swallow, only having done it once). A few paragraphs after that, when u r decribing the sexual molestation, you mention that she NEVER gave a blowjob to the boyfriend.
I recommend going back, re-reading the story to make sure everything you say is consistent. I also suggest getting a bit more detailed. Also, and maybe others would disagree, but I have a real issue with the way you want Katie to feel about her double rape. You seem conflicted wanting her to both be in pain but also to orgasm. There is NO WAY in the situation you described and how you described it that Katie was gonna be having an orgasm at the time she did....where was her opportunity for sexual build up, much less release?
On the PLUS SIDE, you're idea has much potential. Keep at it!!! (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 9, 2006 |
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something a bit idderent and enjoyable to read (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 9, 2006 |
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interesting rape story. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
slutsteph
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 8, 2006 |
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girl is not sure if the author can develop his story, but the premise is good. (7/10)
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