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The agony of Jessie
Author: slave julie
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(Added on Oct 20, 2006)
(This month 55346 readers) (Total 80281 readers) |
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essie is a beautiful young woman who is led to a Mistress by her best friend. There she is introduced into her new life as a slave. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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14% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 20, 2007 |
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real good start, will re-review it when more is posted
You also misspelled Jessie in you synopsis, you left out the "J" in her name (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
azrlg17
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 13, 2006 |
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Let's start with the good parts, the grammar and spelling is OK. That's all, really.
The mediocre parts:
There's no sex yet, only torture with a whip and a torture saddle.
Now the bad parts:
The logic of the story really sucks, here are a few examples.
Jessie is described as "an attractive young woman, lovely, proud, intelligent". So what does a proud and intelligent person do when she is in a van with one other woman who tries to turn her into a slave? Fight back? Scream for help? Try to run away? Noooo, after one slap she immediately gives in and obeys. That's what a PROUD and INTELLIGENT person does. Really.
Then there are some inconsistencies about the girl's age (at one place 18, at the other 19 at yet another one a sophomore in high school which would make her quite a bit younger).
There are inconsistencies about her name, most of the story Jessie but also Maria.
It's never clear when she is bound/shackled and when she is free.
The motivation of her so called best friend is not explained. She gets an email from a "former friend" and delivers her best friends into the clutches of an evil sadist?
How did she get her on the plane? It seemed like Jessie/Maria was sedated on the plane but then she walked under her own power to Rachel? Why? Did she know her?
Normally everybody is escorted of a plane to a bus (and no jaywalking is tolerated) or there are gangways attached to the plane.
How did Rachel get a black unmarked van onto the apron of an international airport?
I can't give a rating lower than 4 because of the good grammar/spelling but this story really needs some proofreading for content. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
dennisthmn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 27, 2006 |
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I will be waiting for the next chapter with eagerness (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
slutsteph
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 21, 2006 |
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girl also notes her confusion about several plot issues noted below. girl hopes the next chaper will clafify or the author will rewrite the first chapter. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
KSCouple4SLV
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 21, 2006 |
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Thought it was a good start but I too was a little confused. Did Jessie know what she was getting herself into? How did she get out of the cuffs. Why was she being escorted?
Still with the questions, I thought it was a promising start and would love to read more about her training. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Lee Boudine
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 21, 2006 |
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I am confused by what name goes with which face, That should be clarified as we face the pussies in future episodes.
I appreciate the fast action of the introduction. You have primed me for future segments. NOW: I am ready to read.
I agree that greater detail would enhance the narrative as you procede. Keep up the good work slave julie. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
masterdw
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 20, 2006 |
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I am sorry, but a little thought could have improved the realism of the story so much. A private Limousine waiting at the gate of an international airport? Impossible!! and where were the other passengers? And where did Jessie think she was going? and mainly, and most annoyingly, if she has her wrists cuffed behind her back, how can she remove her blouse and skirt etc.? and if the cuffs were removed, why isn't she fighting like hell?
I am sure that you have interesting traing in store, but rewrite Chapter 1 so that it makes sense. (5/10)
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