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My Sweet Melissa
Author: Bart Nelson
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(Added on Feb 11, 2006)
(This month 27204 readers) (Total 49886 readers) |
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a man shares his wife with a stranger at an adult theater |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 13 |
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23% |
62% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (9/10) |
Average
Rating:  (9.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
delish
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 17, 2011 |
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This one is well worth a read. You shifted POV at the end, though, and at one time you wrote what Clayton was thinking from Mark's POV, which was weird. I feel like you could do a bit more descriptive writing (though your prose is mostly consistent and solid, really) and some of the running themes/phrases were a little off-putting. I thought the references to Clayton being a marine would have some significance later, for example. The Semper Fi was a clever device, though, it just would have had more impact if there was something else tying it into the story. I found it hard to relate to Melissa as a person, and I found Mark to be a little wishy-washy and/or angsty for my personal taste. I liked that he did have some reservations about his darker desires, but his regret seemed a little extreme. The thing about "sin" (or whatever you want to call it) is that it gets easier to carry out the more it's done. The amount of inner conflict doesn't usually reset to the original parameters... but this is all my opinion, based on your request for story critique. I found it to be an enjoyable enough story, and it did push my buttons. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 8, 2010 |
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Well, the first three parts were good. It looks like you did some heavy re-imagining over the intervening four years. It wasn't for the better. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
bigcat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 20, 2006 |
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Man, you can write like hell. A hot hiller of a story. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (May 22, 2006)
- Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 18, 2006 |
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Excellent story! Very well written and it made me sopping wet! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 19, 2006)
- Thank you very much heycarrieanne. Wish I could have been there to see it.
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| Reviewer:
Elkor
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 18, 2006 |
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I enjoyed the first and third chapter very much. But I thought the humiliation/dominance in the second one seemed a little forced/rapid. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 18, 2006)
- Dear Elkor. Thank you for taking the time to review the stories. I am glad you liked chaps 1 and 3.
In regards to chapter 2, however, you are in luck! As you may not have already known, my stories come with a written money back guarantee that states....and I quote, "if, for any reason, you are not totally satisfied with this product, I will cheerfully refund your money."
The check is in the mail. Please allow four to six weeks for delivery.
Is that slow enough for you?
Seriously though, I am sorry if Chapter 2 suffers from premature ending. I guess I may have been overstimulated.
Thanks again for your input.
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| Reviewer:
Shakespeare_I._Aint
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 16, 2006 |
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Three parts (so far)--three home runs! Each part could be a good stand-alone story. Just don't get burned out writing so much and so quickly that the quality suffers. Keep the good humiliation coming!
(and you should add "humiliation" to the story codes)
Again, excellent stories! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 16, 2006)
- Thanks. I'll try to pace myself.
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| Reviewer:
Aussiegirl1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 14, 2006 |
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A great story. You depicted the effects of low self esteem very well. I would be interested to find out what happens next, maybe with the wife's point of view included, though the story would not be any less interesting with the first person view continued.
Aussiegirl (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Thanks Aussiegirl. Do you know about low self esteem? Am perversely interested in hearing more; please forgive me. Can be reached at
01bartilr@sbcglobal.net
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| Reviewer:
JAMFart
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2006 |
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Superbly realistic and well written. Enjoy the first person, viewpoint. Not the usual automatron bimbo fare. Hope for additional compromising situations, with the author in attendance... to record, perhaps participate in directing new experiences. Forget going away and leaving her... you gotta be there! Thanks! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Thanks. Have sent chapters 2 and 3 and hope that they will get posted to the site soon. I think you may enjoy them. Surprised myself with chapter three. Don't know where that came from but I like it. The frequency of my receiver must be tuned to "strange".
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| Reviewer:
chooky_104
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2006 |
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This story could almost have been about me...
When I was first married over 25 years ago, my husband treated me in a similar fashion. He was sexually domineering and rough, demanding sex many times a day whether I was willing or ready.
I resisted most of it because he was very aggressive and hurt me, but now, 20 years after our divorce, I am willingly and freely in a BDSM relationship and loving it. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Did a reply before but am not sure it was posted. Sounds like things have been rough for you but you survived. Congrats. Am curious to hear about your present relationship. Care to share? I am at 01bartilr@sbcglobal.net.
Hope to hear from you. Thanks.
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 13, 2006 |
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Short but exiting story. Well written and believable. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Gracias amigo. Truth can be "stranger" than fiction can't it.
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2006 |
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An interesting and intense humiliation story. Well written and well executed. Hope there's more to the story. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Thanks! Always appreciate feedback. What would you like to see happen to our sweet little Melissa? Will she find true happiness and self esteem on her road to submission? Stay tuned.
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| Reviewer:
oldwino
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2006 |
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great start to what could be a hot story. my young gf(38) loved it and wants more. i'm such a ped. i date all these 35 to 45 year old girls. i think they will all love your story if it continues with forced exhibitionism and sex.
please more hotter chapters, (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Barticlees
(Edit) (Feb 14, 2006)
- Am glad your girlfriend, 38, liked it. Amazingly I have been getting a lot of emails from middle aged mothers and housewives who also loved it. I couldn't be more pleased. Love hearing from them as they are in my fantasies always.
Have considered having hubby call the number on the card and let the man know what night hubby is going to be out of town for a "business trip". What do you think?
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