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Raping Jared Cooper
Author: Lilliantha Davies
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(Added on Dec 30, 2005)
(This month 49534 readers) (Total 69419 readers) |
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A teenager exacts revenge on his enemy, after years of torment. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 1 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (6/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 3, 2006 |
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This isn't bad, but it could be a lot better. Description is the heart of erotic writing; here we have a lot of things happening, but not much description. For instance, the only hair colours we know are the girl's, and I'm unsure of the ethnicity of any of the major players.
Grammar is important. I realise that you capitalised the Hims and His's to show that he saw himself as the Master, and that's a perfectly valid literary conceit, but you've also capitalized liberally with a variety of other things, and that tends to break up the flow of reading the story and break immersion. Thankfully, your spelling is excellent.
Try to have no more than one major event happen per page, filling out the rest of the narrative with description; going overboard is better than too little.
You have some great ideas, I should note. I want to see the continuation of this. (6/10)
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