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Caught
Author: Charles Frank
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(Added on Jul 17, 2005)
(This month 73567 readers) (Total 119849 readers) |
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A school teacher who likes the younger generation is set up for a fall. She finds herself in the hands of 3 very dominate students, having to do things she only fantasized about before. See how she is caught and used by her students making them all very happy to have a teacher like her. The story will continue as I have time to write. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 4, 2005 |
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the story line was great, the story itself was way off, very disapointing (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Rocky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 26, 2005 |
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The author seemed so rushed to get to the blackmail that it's not at all believeable. The text and dialogue both seemed stilted; the dialogue, in particular. Work on descriptive phrases. There are quite a few people here who can proofread or give you advice on writing; I'd suggest you avail yourself of their services. The plot has potential, but I'd do a complete re-write. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 22, 2005 |
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Your basic blackmail piece, at least so far.
Structure is a thing hard to develop, and you're not there yet. There's little or no suspense or erotic build-up, and things seemed a little rushed.
You also need to expand your vocabulary, especially of descriptors. Your descriptions are a little too sparse as it is, barely sketches of the major players. This is bad because erotica is all about descriptions, how and for how long something is done, how it feels, what it's like.
Still, you've got some real erotic effects going, and you clearly edit your stories well. You have the skills, now you need more development of the craft.
I will look forward to episode two. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breannefun
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 18, 2005 |
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This particular story has a tried and true plot, but was so short that the author never took it anywhere. I realize that the author wants it to be a continuing piece of work, but there is a difference between a teaser and a trailer. While there were no grammarical mistakes that I could see, the sentence structure is odd throughout the story. Its told in third person, but the narrator frequently tells us information in sudden sporatic methods that makes me visualize someone leaning over and whispering dirty little secrets about someone I am looking at, in my ear. Let your audience discover some things for themselves. It makes the story more intriguing than if you just place a character's history in front of us. In any event, the story has some promise, but with the next chapter (or should I say the rest of this one?) I hope the the author will remember that story telling is about discovery... (5/10)
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