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Dentist's Receptionist
Author: Satan_Klaus
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(Added on Jun 25, 2005)
(This month 97945 readers) (Total 147215 readers) |
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Josephine Brightwater, a successful young business woman has an appointment with Dr. Martin, a dentist with slightly unusual business practices. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 10 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (6/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 24, 2006 |
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Simply a well written great little story...
Thanks for this excellent contribution, SatanKlaus.
JJ (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
ileana
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 5, 2005 |
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Thanks for your time in writing this. I can't wait for the next part. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Abe Froman
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 28, 2005 |
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A good story, nice concept and some original touches to bring a blackmail and toy story to life. I would have preferred a bit more of the teasing compared to the length of the drilling session, but that may be just me. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 27, 2005 |
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There are a lot of good things about this little effort, but the idea that this well educated woman could be bambozzled so easily by an approach that has gigantic holes in it, bothers me greatly. More stories than I can remember have floundered because the technique for putting and then holding the heroine in thralldom is botched or just not believable. This one joins that list. In passing I should also mention that the random spacing between what may or may not be paragraphs really became annoying. (6/10)
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- Replied by:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) (Jun 27, 2005)
- I put a great deal of effort into the itroductionary chapters to make the predicament my heroine is in believable or at least consistent.
You may say that I failed, but I think for an approach that uses neither magic, super-science or brute force (all of which take a certain element of struggle from the story) I did a rather good job.
Satan_Klaus
PS: I will try to be more consistent with my paragraph spacing in the future.
- Replied by:
lex ludite
(Edit) (Jun 27, 2005)
- Injecting the girl with a potpourri of drugs to assure that she will not go to the authorities is what killed your approach. Let's be realistic, which is what you claim to be, how could someone taking all of these drugs still function effectively at her position? Had you picked one and left it at that, it would have been believable to a degree. Up until then I had thought you were doing a very good job of covering the bases.
- Replied by:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) (Jun 28, 2005)
- Coke, Marijuana and speed should be no problem; I have known people who took all of that and managed to function more or less normally. Also, this stuff shows up on drug tests for months, detecting it does not mean she is constantly high on everything at once! Maybe I should have left the heroine alone. Heroine does not really fit the pattern.
- Replied by:
woolfighter
(Edit) (Jun 28, 2005)
- I think Lex Ludite is right, me too got the feeling of a lack of realism. Its not to point out if here or there, its just a feeling. But don't worry this is constructive criticism.
- Replied by:
Satan_Klaus
(Edit) (Jun 29, 2005)
- I'm not offended, in fact I need a lot more input.
Of course the entire setting is more "fantasy" than "real" because the concept of the clinic itself is rather absurd. But I tried very hard to keep as consistent as possible and I would like to know how I could improve my story.
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| Reviewer:
lockeed
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 26, 2005 |
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Very good story, really enjoyed it. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 26, 2005 |
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please add more soon, great concept (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
ozzystoy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 26, 2005 |
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Great story. I hope you continue with additional chapters, maybe having Dr. Martin do more work on her, say, braces, or teeth removal? Great story at any rate. Thanks. (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jacen
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2005 |
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The first part was rather yummy- the second and third parts quite boring. As a set-up for a longer story, it's average, but as it is... bleah (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2005 |
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Not bad, not bad, but I feel a lack of action (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
NistShadow
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2005 |
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seems quite good, though the parts seem a little on the short side. (8/10)
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