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An Encounter With Their Maker
Author: Pesmerga
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(Added on Apr 13, 2005)
(This month 15427 readers) (Total 39602 readers) |
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In the distant future, humanity is at war with the race that created it. Three captured girls are left to the mercy of a doctor who sees them as nothing more than his playthings. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 4 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (6/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Avralivia
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 12, 2006 |
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iliked the ideas with work it would be excellent :) (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 19, 2005 |
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Nice idea, but your witing could use work. For one thing, too much exposition; try having info coming from the mouths of your characters, rather than just telling us. Describe the sexual encounters, don't just tell us about them (the lesbian scene with the third girl wasn't bad, but could use work). Try using multiple senses in each scene.
You do speech reasonably well, but try sounding it out after you've written it; if it sounds stilted, it probably is.
Still, fun and interesting. Definitely promising. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
La Toya
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 15, 2005 |
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While I am not a sci-fi fan, this was not too bad. Ithink it would have been better as a longer more detailed story (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 14, 2005 |
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This could be a real powerful story with a few additions (moving to a larger scale: 3 girls?) and some editing. (5/10)
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