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Time Out...
Author: faith
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(Added on Feb 22, 2005)
(This month 13629 readers) (Total 37504 readers) |
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Since you were a bad beast this morning, I am going to leave you out here, alone with your mask, so you can think about things this week, pet. Being treated like an animal, chained to the stones in the center of a medieval city by the top of your mask, left to be used and abused by the townsfolk for your unfaithfulness to your Master. Treated like an unruly dog perhaps even used by dogs, or other livestock... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 5 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 7, 2006 |
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I thought the story stimulating and quite well done now that several mistakes must have been repaired.
I hope to see more! Thanks for sharing (10/10)
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- Replied by:
faith
(Edit) (Feb 24, 2005)
- *grin* thanks for sharing with me... i'm sure there are many mistakes still in place but it feels good to know you could see through them to the ideas... Any suggestions on how i could improve it would be more than welcome...
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| Reviewer:
crickette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 8, 2005 |
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Not bad. The storyline was interesting. I could place myself in the dark at times as she was, not knowing what was to happen next. I loved the ending. Very unexpected. There were segments that only gave you just a nibble of what could have been that could have shown more detail. That said, I appreciate you avoiding the dreaded curse of overkill. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 27, 2005 |
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A powerful submission/slavery piece. The dramatic conceit of leaving her eyes covered is very effective, since you then convey the story through the other senses (one point - you used sound and touch almost exclusively - smell is very evocative).
I would like to see an expansion of this. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
faith
(Edit) (Mar 1, 2005)
- I'm glad your enjoyed the story. I want to thank you for taking the time to review this piece, for the encouragement and the suggestion. I honestly hadn't thought about the use of smell. I will keep it in mind for the future.
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| Reviewer:
H Dean
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 23, 2005 |
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I imagine that this story may turn out to be worth a read, eventually. However, the mistakes made the reading difficult. I found myself searching for the next mistake instead of reading the story.
Additionally, better descriptions could have been used as I found potions confusing to follow. Perhaps because I was too distracted by the numerous mistakes.
If I sound harsh, it is not intended and I would not want to discourage you. I do see potential for a good story - after a proper edit. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
faith
(Edit) (Feb 23, 2005)
- *grin* That bad?
- Replied by:
H Dean
(Edit) (Feb 24, 2005)
- I wouldn't say "bad". But, it is difficult to really enjoy a story when you are so distracted by mistakes. So, not "bad". I would liken it to a big fly on your TV screen as you are watching. You just can't take your eye off of the fly. Or is that just me?
- Replied by:
faith
(Edit) (Feb 24, 2005)
- Fair enough...But not a lot of help...Could you perhaps give me an example of what you see as my greatest weakness as a writer with a suggestion on how to improve it?
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 22, 2005 |
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An interesting story worth reading though that is made a bit difficult by some spelling and grammar errors. The author has a great imagination. Keep writing. It almost seems she gets carried along by her story and rushes through some basic editing mistakes. Rereading it a few days later or finding a proofreader would make it easier to understand and definitely improve the readers enjoyment. (7/10)
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- Replied by:
faith
(Edit) (Feb 22, 2005)
- *Grin* Either the proof reading or the editing would be great but one of the problems with my writing is that I get totally bogged down in details so my Master gives me very strict time limits as a way to keep me moving with the story. This was written and submitted in the same day. The time frame allowed for nothing else. To date He refuses to proof read or edit my work on the grounds I could not take his critiques objectively. He is usually right about these things but I think from your review one of His goals is being reached. I am finding it easier to reach into my imagination and put the images I find there into words…I would like to thank you for taking the time to review this piece and for your encouraging words!
faith
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