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Megan's Mistake
Author: Jlou
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(Added on Dec 5, 2004)
(This month 64930 readers) (Total 104214 readers) |
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A high school girl is wrongly convicted of a drug charge. She is sentenced to a violent women's correctional facilty, where she learns many unfortunate lessons at the hands of the corrupt warden and her fellow inmates. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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14% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (7/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 21, 2014 |
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A touch on the short side, yes, but I liked what I read.
A couple of continuity errors and thanks to its briefness coming across as rushed, like there was a deadline to meet.
All in all, not a bad effort.
JJ (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Deathnote
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 22, 2007 |
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Continuity Error! XD
Awesome story, but it seemed to had ended prematurely... and the story "time-jumps" without any warning whatsoever. Seriously? Several months had already passed? ^_^ (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 4, 2007 |
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it was a good read but the story was inconsistant, you need to re-read it and make it logical, remain conistant through out the story or it throws the rader off or turn them off
And you ended it poorly, (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
C_Lakewood
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 10, 2004 |
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I agree with chksng19's review -- except for the
next-to-last sentence. I found it a very dull
read. Perhaps the most surprising thing was
that there was absolutely no description of the
chastity belt that she chose (from a number of
different models). The warden running around
and performing her duties in a cat-suit also
was among the aspects of the story that strained
my credulity. Moreover, aside from the
electrical scene, the inhabitants of this prison
seem more mischievous than evil.
(4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Cokera
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 7, 2004 |
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I like the story line. It has some appeal as a longer story. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Engineer
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 6, 2004 |
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A very appealing basic idea, and the story is told in a pleasant style without long boring passages or unnecessary lewdness. I also very appreciate that the story has been posted already completely. However, besides of the disturbing inconsistences in detail, there is not any fire in the story. It's an assortment of usual cliches, and the situations are always outlined just briefly, to jump for the next one. Also, the end comes unexpectedly early. One could have made much more out of the whole thing. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 6, 2004 |
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Oh, dear. First reviewer again. Oh, well.
Let's start with the easy stuff. First, consistancy. In some places, her term is 8 years, in another it's 7. The warden cannot be an old Hague; that's a city in Belgium. A hag, maybe. In the last chapter, she wakes up naked and in shackles. Noplace in between does she put on anything but the chastity belt, yet she has her clothes torn off by her schoolmate. Tough stuff, that.
Anything icy cold will be darn near room temp after being put on a 98 degree body and left for 10 minutes. Cold does not make hair easier to trim, it makes for a bad shave; ask anyone who shaves with a razor. This is why barbers kept hot towels for many years. She'd be covered with stubble in minutes. If she covered her whole pubic area in wax, she would have no way to urinate, or for normal fluids to seep out. If it was put inside, the roomie would have no way of getting it out without waking her. Not to mention standing up or bending or walking would be darn near impossible.
So much else, above is just a small example why you could use an editor. Grammar and spelling are fine, barring a few wrong words. This is a fine start at a classic premise, and I foresee some good twists and turns. But it's got to be real to the reader! (5/10)
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- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Nov 21, 2014)
- Ten years late, but nevertheless: The Hague (Den Haag) is a city in Holland (where the Dutch parliament resides), not Belgium and cold does make a better shave, that's why good barbers put their razors in the freezer. The cold makes the blade much sharper.
The hot towels are for after the shave to make the pores open and reduce the risk of a rash or infection...
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