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Teach Me
Author: littlebro_969
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(Added on Oct 19, 2004)
(This month 139290 readers) (Total 260805 readers) |
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Teacher becomes controlled by students. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 12 |
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17% |
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33% |
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8% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
bloodlineS
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 14, 2005 |
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The black girl, the black girl, the black girl. Very poor. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 13, 2005 |
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This story reads as though it were a newspaper's reporting of facts, rather than as a story. "She did this. She did that. She did something else." This isn't what stories are supposed to do!
When you write, look at the way you would read it if you'd never seen it before. Relate the sentences in a paragraph, so it's only about one thing, or one part of a character's life.
You have fine ideas, but it almost seems as though you have difficulty putting them down on paper.
====================update
As the story proceeds, detail is improving: still need an editor and spell checker checker to make sure you use the correct word. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
NiceMaster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 14, 2005 |
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The ideas a good and the plot is fine
You can work on it more though (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
vickytv
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 22, 2004 |
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i love when young girls dominate older women! (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
pooja
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 13, 2004 |
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welldone u write on a very good subject.improve it and humilate the teacher in a slow and detail way. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mobius
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 12, 2004 |
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when in glass houses it is best not to through stones. Like what I have read so far looking for more. Lose the interracial it adds little to the story. Add more humiliation of the teacher being abused by her students female ones at that. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
sm4hg
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 6, 2004 |
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Even for me as a non-native speaker your lack of grammar is simply too obvious and therefore distracting. If you can't handle reported speech porperly, try to avoid it.
What is more, your story has a lot of consistency errors. (e.g. How can the teacher unbutton her top while the girls were holding her hands? Why is she surprised when the girls enter her classroom?? She knew they would come.)
Try to be more concentrated while writing. May be try to imagine you're "in the scene", as if you were a spectator.
I now have read the next two chapters and I still think the story lacks of elaborateness. I feel sorry for the promising stroyline because I have the impression it's written very hastily and loveless. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
woolfighter
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 20, 2004 |
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The premisses are OK, let read the rest of the story. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
jbowler65
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 20, 2004 |
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There are two problems with the story. First, there is a general lack of details and depth in the story. The chapters seem like a shell waiting to be filled out with more content. Second, the grammar is not very good. The whole story just didn't flow together. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
ms2bused
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 19, 2004 |
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The English could be a little better, but the story itself is VERY exciting and can hardly wait for further sequels! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 19, 2004 |
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PLEASE make each chapter longer and more detailed, you have the start of a great story (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Brooking
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 19, 2004 |
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I hope this will be better littlebro (5/10)
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