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Holly the Puppy Girl
Author: Jon
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(Added on Oct 6, 2004)
(This month 98785 readers) (Total 196976 readers) |
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This is a creative story about a transformation to be trained as a non human Puppy Girl / Puppygirl. Living in South Dakota Holly is a 15 teen year old American Girl. She is to become live stock... Holly this little brat will soon get what's coming to her... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 20 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (4.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (1/10) |
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| Reviewer:
ElectricBadger
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2006 |
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As mentioned, good concept and imagination, bad execution. Spell check, and ask someone to edit this for you -- many in the forums would be willing to help, I'm sure. The grammar is horrid, the sentence structure painful, and it's a headache to read. Style is good, and I understand you want chaotic thoughts, but if so set those aside from the story generally and make this coherent. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
sex_is _fun_wit_pain
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 22, 2006 |
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i like the story very much but your english is not good, try to improve it and pls continue with the story!!! i am addicted to it!!! (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 16, 2006 |
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Good story idea, but the writing is just awful!!! Your grammar is very bad and you are either a terrible typist or not a good speller. (1/10)
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- Replied by:
trainer81
(Edit) (Aug 4, 2006)
- Your Mommy should wash your mouth out with soap! I am learning to become a better writer dude, deal with it lol
Some people like these stories and some don't so be it :)
Chapter 2 and 3 on this site are to be let go as bad copies, email me trainer81@gtpals.com for the better ones.
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Aug 8, 2006)
- Perhaps you did not notice, but my name is Carrie Anne and thus, I am not a "dude." Regardless, your spelling and grammar is so poor that you should never have submitted it for publication without having cleaned it up first. If you do not know how to spell or write a sentence with proper structure and grammer, then find someone who can to proofread your work.
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| Reviewer:
littleone_
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 13, 2006 |
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for a first attempt it was not bad. The author is creative and shows promise. It is clear English is the authors second language but his creativity shows through that. I have to think he made a few math errors in his conversion of metric to inches and feet, like having Holly be only 4 feet high at 15 years old. But those minor points are easily forgive in exchange for the general story. I think this author will impove greatly with more practice and feed back. I like the use of a different writing style, it broke the normal and style style you see so much here. Also he kept the plot flowing and the story developing. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
madmax2011
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 10, 2006 |
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Would be fair if the author could figure out how to use spellcheck. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
chattel69
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 27, 2006 |
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It was hard to read, couldn't even get through the first chapter. Not sure where you fixed your grammar but "be hide" should be "behind" (3/10)
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- Replied by:
trainer81
(Edit) (Jun 27, 2006)
- Hi,
Please understnd some writers grammar is differnt. Thank you for giving it a go!
I choose too write storie based with emotions. For exsample if she's scard the words within her mind are going to be complex.
I will make a note of your grammar tip thank you.
Note: Too all readers I am trying to get Chater 2 and 3 taken off as they are not part of the story. New Chapters will take place of these two.
Jon
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| Reviewer:
trainer81
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2005 |
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Hello everyone, Thank you all for the nice feedback. I know some of this grammer is hard to read but that's cause it's all screen play within this story.
<br>
I've been working on two writing styles for this story (Novel) and (Screen Play).
I have gotten over a number of e-mails asking for new chapter's. Thank you but I am still working on the story, so forth. I am rewriting it adding more to the story from the beginning. I'm on chapter 3 right now, so bare with me lol
<br>
Holly is a very complex person for me! (10/10)
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- Replied by:
trainer81
(Edit) (Jun 26, 2006)
- Hi everyone. Holly the Puppy Girl has been updated! It is now readable for my many novel fans.
Enjoy the story!
Jon
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 11, 2005 |
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great concept, terrible story (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Locked Advantages
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 22, 2005 |
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The story line intrigued me especially dealing with the idea of being a puppy girl since its hard to find those types of stories, but the grammer made it hard to read. Keep up the good work:) (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
darklace
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 3, 2005 |
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As a BDSM fantasy, the ideas expressed within are vivid and erotic, but poor grammar isn't a writing style. English isn't something you can just re-interpret, it has rules; learn them. (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
Mobius
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 9, 2004 |
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I liked the Plot the story line. However the auther clearly is not writing in his native language. and should be forgiven the many spelling, syntax and gramerical errors. Becouse of such it is a difacoult story to read. Please have your storys proofed by an english proofreader. It will help you get a better review. I liked the Idea. It horlds great promice. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Colt45
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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Typos and writing style make it difficult and bothersom to read. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
BFU
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 8, 2004 |
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as has been said before, a potentially good story which was difficult to read due to poor spelling and grammar. do you not have a friend who could proof read it for you??
(3/10)
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| Reviewer:
dreamster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 7, 2004 |
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Despite the appalling grammar and spelling it contained a certain erotic appeal.I sensed a vivid imagination struggling to surface. I felt some affection and identification for the girl and her predicament. Don't give up. You can learn basic grammar and communication. No one can teach you imagination. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jacen
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 7, 2004 |
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This reads more like a screen play attempt than a story. Get a movie camera, a few actors, and make this on film, and I think it will work. Though, if English is not your native language, get a good subtitler and or translator. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
Psylent1
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2004 |
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Great concept, but lost in poor grammar and especially poor spelling (Spellcheckers are a useful tool, but they cannot understand what they are checking). The story is hard to follow and when I am forced to edit it as I read and try to figure out what you meant instead of what you wrote, that destroys the fantasy. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
lockeed
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2004 |
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The style killed it for me. I will not go into depth because 2 other ppl have said what I feel. (3/10)
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| Reviewer:
angelgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2004 |
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You really have a wild imagination. I gave you a high mark because you didn't deserve such a low mark from those other two. "BUT"..you really need somebody to proof read your stories. When I sent in my first story it was so badly done they sent it back to me; they said reading it was like driving over spead bumps. I was devastated.
I think you should get someone to proof read it and then resubmit it as revised. Then it will get rave revues.
Love
Angelgirl (10/10)
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| Reviewer:
bisarah
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2004 |
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The writing of this story is so bad, I don't even know where to start! The story content might have been good, but ... who would know. Author: buy yourself a Grammar & Punctuation for Idiots book and learn learn learn from it! Then rewrite and resubmit it! (2/10)
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| Reviewer:
lahrling
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 6, 2004 |
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I couldn't pierce the content of the story. It may be very good. Sadly, the author's stylistic choices make following the story impossible. Double quotes (inverted commas) are to be used to denote what a character is saying, or what some other author has written, as in, "Name: (Speaking) , [sic] " What their feeling or doing in the story." " --this story, from the introduction.
This sentence contains a glaring illiterate error, incorrect use of "their" (there it should read 'they're'.) This betrays the author as one too lazy to learn to use my beloved English language properly. Only if one knows the rules should one sunder them.
It would behoove the author to acquire--by fair means or foul--a quality style manual; to be sequestered with it; to delve its secrets and possess them utterly, as a Master does his Puppy Girl. Then, armed with these weapons of righteousness, should the author rewrite this story. (1/10)
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