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DeFlower
Author: plugged_tv
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(Added on May 20, 2004)
(This month 55521 readers) (Total 72035 readers) |
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He had asked for this night, but had never imagined that his Mistress would arrange his wedding ... |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
slutsuki
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2004 |
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I loved this story. A fantasy I would just love myself and the author made it seem absolutely real - nothing one couldn't imagine actually happening. Also not too long and just the right amount of detail. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Alex Bragi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 21, 2004 |
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Oh boy, oh girl, only the bravest authors attempt first person/present tense stories, and then only the bravest of the brave tackle those same stories with changes of tense. Unfortunately, you’ve slipped back to past tense a few times where you shouldn’t have. There are also a few little typo/spellos that some people may find jarring. Remember too very few people use ‘do not’ in place of don’t. So, don’t be afraid to use contractions when you write.
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Now since you have written this in the first person, I did feel you missed a number of great opportunities to really allow the reader inside your head. There were plenty of “I did this” and “I did that’ but I guarantee most readers would love to know exactly what your thoughts were, and how you were feeling, as you did this and that.
Being super nit picky, you took your shoes off twice in the story. Of course it’s a minor hiccup, but since little things like this will really irk some readers, try to proof read you work carefully. Watch your punctuation for the same reason – there a few bits missing.
On a positive note, I imagine this is very imaginative – I haven’t read a whole lot of tranny stories since they’re not usually my thing, so I'm not as qualified as others.
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It’s a good opening, it hooked me and made me want to read on. You have a wicked imagination, and you’ve created some hot and steamy scenes for sure. Without giving anything away here, I especially enjoyed the tying of the white ribbon and the corset – very hot!
Like I said, tranny stories aren’t usually my thing, but I have feeling this one will really appeal to those who are. (7/10)
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