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Susan
Author: arobert29
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(Added on Feb 6, 2004)
(This month 69633 readers) (Total 99436 readers) |
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Susan is a cold hearted business woman that is responsible for many people losing their jobs. She gets set up and is sentenced to 10 years in jail. First she must go to the medical facility for a unspecified length of time and torture. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 16, 2006 |
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the ideas are there. the theme is there unfortuetly, the story isn't needs work, editin, grammar ect (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
_sullen_rose_
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 12, 2004 |
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I enjoyed the first 3 chapters of Susan. Definetley to my liking, and I will be checking to read more. ***Humilitation level/description was nice*** (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Wyn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 10, 2004 |
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Given the right assistance, this could turn into a very good story. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
beta
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 10, 2004 |
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This is a good start to a story that may not be to everyone's taste, but it is certainly to my taste, and I'm sure a number of others. I like the setup and the storytelling. The fantasy hits on all the right buttons. I hope to see more.
- Dr. Phil (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 9, 2004 |
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I'm with the other reviewers on this one. I'm sorry, but it isn't much of a story so far, and doesn't show signs of getting better. I suggest you find an editor to work with you (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 8, 2004 |
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Disappointing; after three chapters we should have a better idea of what makes Susan tick, but she is (so far) just a stick figure. Overlong paragraphs in chapter III add to the problems. A good rule of thumb -- only one speaker and one conversation per paragraph (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 6, 2004 |
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The problem with this story is, unfortunately, the writing is simply crude. There, I got that off my chest, it was a hard thing to say and I don't like to ever say that to an author. The best way for the author to improve the story is to do a tutorial with an established writer. The story has a big problem with flow (action is jerky) and the writing lacks color and mood. The protagonist is wooden and there is a failure to develop any secondary characters. There is an attempt to set the scene but everything is sacrificed to unconvincing action. Sorry to have to write such a negative review. (5/10)
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