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Breakfast with her Master
Author: Master K
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(Added on Nov 15, 2003)
(This month 8754 readers) (Total 18016 readers) |
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A submissive woman get a call in the morning. Her Master wants her today. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (7/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Alex Bragi
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 19, 2003 |
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Yes, I agree this is a 'nice erotic prelude for what might come later."
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I particularly like that you broke the typical stereotype dom mold. Its actually very refreshing, especially from my female point of view, to read about a gentlemanly dom.
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Structurally, two things jumped out at me. The number of sentences beginning with 'She' or "Her master', and the number of words repeated too closely to one another. Its certainly not a big deal, but it can sometimes make a good story, like this one, feel a little repetitious.
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A few sentences too felt clumsy to me. e.g. 'She pulled up next to his car that was already parked there.' (passive) Would have perhaps been sharper as - 'She pulled up next to his parked car'. (active)
(7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Cleo671
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 15, 2003 |
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Nice erotic prelude for what might come later.. (7/10)
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