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Momentum
Author: johnny payne
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(Added on Sep 1, 2003)
(This month 127529 readers) (Total 188148 readers) |
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Sadomasochistic widower marries young beautiful submissive for a lifetime of punishment training. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 9 |
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22% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 10, 2009 |
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Promising story witten to shambles through lack of the right details.
Dialogue is poorly handled as well. A pity.
JJ (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
LordVetinari
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 25, 2005 |
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Simple and direct. Just what it promised. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
anguisette
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 23, 2004 |
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My comments are an amalgomation of some that were made earlier, with my own spin, of course. There are several big problems, in my book. The first, and shallowest, problem is the grammar and spelling. As mentioned before, a good beta reader and an occasional whack of the spell-check button will get rid of that one. Moving right along, we get to the numbers crunch. As Boccaccio, whose stories are definitely on the higher end of the scale, said earlier, it's all about quality over quantity. Whipping Nicole's ass-crack for an hour is not only boring, so stated, it's implausible. That brings me to the final issue I saw. The characters lacked development to the point that their dialogue, what little there was, was completely wooden. They may as well have been robots.
All of that said, there is still promise in this story. With a few edits and rewrites, including plot and character development, this could be a really awesome story. The theme is great, and the details of corporal punishment are a turn-on, but the way they're laid-out make them less enjoyable for me. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
jaeangel
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 14, 2004 |
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Despite the glaringly obvious grammatical and spelling mistakes, this story was worth the read. The tortures inflcited by Jon on the protagonist is sadistically erotic, and this story woulkd probably be worth a 9 or 10 if the author could obtain an editor/beta reader with better grammatical and spelling skills, preferably a female, to give the author a better idea of a slightly more realistic female reaction to the tortures he subjects her to. (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 19, 2004 |
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thouht the story was good, but i was looking for more in it, but good job on the story as a whole (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jun 20, 2004 |
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I agree with Curtis' comments. I saw the story mentioned in a recent Forum thread, and the first few paragraphs promised great things. But, as I have written before, it is far more exciting to me to read a detailed account of ten lashes (preferably describing their application from the point of view of the dominant male, while not ignoring the suffering of the female victim) than to read a cursory account of fifty or five hundred. Each stroke of the lash contains its own potential mini-story, while a barebones comment like 'he went on to flog her buttocks for an hour' or 'he proceeded to give her another fifty strokes across her magnificent breasts' is a bit like writing 'went to Paris, saw big tower, came home'. (Those were not quotations from the story above, merely examples that I made up to illustrate my point.)
That said, the story has wonderful content (aside from the breast enlargement business, which is not to my taste), but a rather mechanical style, in which the characters do not become fully alive. The woman is little more than a punching bag and the reasons for the man's progress into darkness seem a bit inadequate. But please, given your tastes in these matters, keep at it! ;-) You may have a masterpiece within you. Good luck, Boccaccio (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
Curtis
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 16, 2003 |
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You definitely need to make some paragraphs here. Pretty hot, but too number-intensive (5000 of this, 300 of that, rub for 15 minutes, then repeat...). Not bad as far as grammar and spelling go. (6/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2003 |
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I have to agree and disagree with lex. I give this an 8 based on promise. The author is big into corporal punishment fantasy and has the mechanics down. If in future parts the author can develop plot and character then my eight will be justified (the optimist wins). If this is the only part lex's five rules (the pessimist is always right). Since this is the first posting by this author I have no idea whether lex or I are more likely to be right.<br>
By the way the intial premise of this story opens a lot of possibilities for development. If Jose has turned his strap over to the protagonist, how will his wife Anna be disciplined? Are joint Nicole/Anna sessions possible. What are Nicole's thoughts and ideas. Will there be rules for punishment and what infractions will require what discipline. What about the other people at Church? (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 1, 2003 |
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I presume they lived happily ever after, which was probably no more than a few months based on this little sampling. Plenty of detail here and some sort of justification is noted, but to quote Peggie Lee, "Is that all there is?" (5/10)
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