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Brookdale
Author: Drayman
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(Added on Jul 31, 2003)
(This month 100518 readers) (Total 167708 readers) |
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The community of Brookdale is unique in so far as the normal accepted patterns of behaviour do not apply. The town has been built up on the basis similar to that of Stepford (The Stepford Wives novel) but, whereas Stepford was very much an idea that was concealed from the outside world, Brookdale has evolved so that outsiders are also aware of the premise that applies to the community. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 7 |
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14% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7.5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 28, 2004 |
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It's perhaps premature to rate this story at this point, but since I try to review almost all of the stories I read... I think this one has promise (although perhaps my judgment has been swayed a little by the marvelous photos the author has contributed to the forum); if he can capture half of the sensuality, half of the magic of dominance and submission that those photos convey in this story -- and he gives hints of doing so -- it will be a fine effort indeed. There are things that could be improved; the description of the nature of the town and the laundry list of do's and don'ts comes across as rather lifeless and impersonal. To my taste, I would rather hear more about the characters, their feelings, their passions, and let the rules of Brookdale unfold gradually, than have them enumerated like the clauses of the Magna Carta. But there is something in the way that the 'hero' asked the heroine to put her hands behind her neck, in order to please his fellow townsmen, that gives promise of dark pleasures yet to come. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Aug 5, 2003)
- Taking into account that you are involved in writing your classic, Jade Pavillion, I am very grateful for the time you have spent submitting your review. I am also pleased that you have enjoyed my contributions to the Forum.
Having read your comments, I have taken onboard the view that I should allow the reader to discover the town idiosyncracies as the tale develops and I am in the process of adjusting the narrative in Chapter 2 to avoid the 'laundry list'.
Many thanks again for your very constructive advice.
- Replied by:
boccaccio2000g
(Edit) (Aug 28, 2004)
- Aug 19 2004 While I'm sad to see this section of this fine story come to an end, I must say that it ended deliciously, even though I found it's charming denouement all too brief. Drayman, I certainly hope you receive enough encouragement to continue your writing career. There are so many lovely bodies to flog, and so few who flog them with such flair. In any case, best of luck.
August 28 2004 Just noticed that I forgot to upgrade my original review from 7 to 9, as I had intended when I added my Aug 19 comment.
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| Reviewer:
hisangel
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 5, 2004 |
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After reading this story, I can hardly wait for the next chapter! Excellent. (10/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Aug 28, 2004)
- Thank you for taking the time to add a review and for your high score. It is really appreciated and gives me encouragement to submit my second attempt at writing a tale.
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| Reviewer:
Deemaster
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 17, 2003 |
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The idea is good, the tale seems to be developing and the expanding involvement of other characters looks promising. It will be interesting to see the progress of Brookdale. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 17, 2003)
- Many thanks for the review. I hope that your anticipation of the forthcoming chapters meets with your expectations.
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 8, 2003 |
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Great concept (8/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2003)
- Thank you for the review. I hope that, as the story develops you will enjoy.
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| Reviewer:
brsam
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 5, 2003 |
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I await the rest of the story..... (6/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Aug 5, 2003)
- Many thanks for sending your review and I hope that as the story develops you will enjoy reading more.
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| Reviewer:
lex ludite
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 2, 2003 |
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A story that has the female character "milling" about all by herself, does not give me warm feelings or a high degree of confidence that anything of consequence is going to come from this effort. There is way too much detail, and very little character development to date. My assessment of the story is therefore "medium", neither rare nor well done. (5/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Aug 2, 2003)
- Thank you for taking the time to submit a review of the first chapter of my first contribution. As the story develops I hope that you may well decide that your judgement is slightly premature, that is if you are willing to read anymore. If you do trouble to read any of the future chapters I hope that you will find them more entertaining.
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| Reviewer:
Emily
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Aug 2, 2003 |
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The writing is fairly good here but I did not feel any heat from this story so far (a personal viewpoint). (6/10)
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- Replied by:
drayman
(Edit) (Aug 2, 2003)
- First of all, thank you for taking the time to write a review of my story. This is the first one I have contributed and any comments are welcomed. As regards 'feeling heat' from the story, it is after all only the first chapter. I hope that you will find with the development of the story that it becomes more intense as Becca and James grow into the Master/slave relationship.
Once again, many thanks for your review.
Drayman
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